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[–]ShnickityShnoo 389 points390 points  (7 children)

That thing is huge. I wonder if it's the Cobra Commander.

[–]Jixxar 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Oh no they can get bigger than this.

[–]Stuft-shirt 3426 points3427 points  (72 children)

And he’s available for kids parties

[–]Poltras 638 points639 points  (67 children)

Why would I bring a snake to my kid’s party?

[–]RocketsandBeer 442 points443 points  (9 children)

You don’t. You bring kids to the snakes party

[–]lazyfck 193 points194 points  (37 children)

No, the marine

[–]Butt_Fucking_Smurfs 277 points278 points  (29 children)

I can lure a Marine in with crayons. Purple or Brown are their favorites

[–]Achaern 326 points327 points  (10 children)

Based on your username, you're deeply into both Blue and Brown.

[–]__Dystopian__ 49 points50 points  (3 children)

Someone give this user a goddamn award

[–]__Dystopian__ 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Not me....fuck! Somehow this feels like a task failed successfully...

[–]420k2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

LMAO should have been more specific 🤣

[–]ieatair 34 points35 points  (10 children)

thats only the US Marines; these Marines are built differently..

[–]HotObligation8597 4057 points4058 points  (117 children)

That's Malaysian language bruh, not Thai.

[–]jwong7 1517 points1518 points  (29 children)

All of his comrades are speaking the same language too, so unlikely Malay-speaking Thais.

Source: It is us, them Malaysians.

P.S: This needs a proper bump, let's duit warga Malaysia! Wa kasi satu award.

Edit: We did it fellas. 👊 Thanks for the award and updoots too

[–]clearwatermo 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Malaysian Marine is alliterative. Moar updoots!

[–]Shacrow 430 points431 points  (49 children)

Yeah I'm Thai and got confused what dialect it is that I don't understand anything

[–]SopieMunky 410 points411 points  (42 children)

Ditto. I'm American and was totally lost.

[–]19eXodus86 193 points194 points  (35 children)

I'm German and didn't understand it either

[–]Rathma86 165 points166 points  (32 children)

I'm Aussie and fuck me, I was confused.

[–]SpaceShipRat 138 points139 points  (14 children)

I'm italian and I understoon everything. oh fuck I thik I'm havnig a stronk

[–]Me_Hairy 79 points80 points  (11 children)

I’m a Kiwi, what the hell is a snake?

[–]Beneficial-Commenter 21 points22 points  (8 children)

I’m Greek I got confused

[–]Dye335 52 points53 points  (5 children)

I’m a Canadian and I’m sorry.

[–]fishbrine 35 points36 points  (3 children)

I'm Canadian and I watched with the sound off because I didn't want to disturb anyone

[–]my_farts_impress 44 points45 points  (3 children)

I’m deaf and I was just lost.

[–]Chewbacker 89 points90 points  (2 children)

⠺⠓⠁⠞ ⠞⠓⠑ ⠋⠥⠉⠅ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠺⠑ ⠞⠁⠇⠅⠊⠝⠛ ⠁⠃⠕⠥⠞

[–]SirRumpole 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I’m Chinese and 我听不懂

[–]Outrageous-Broccoli8 117 points118 points  (8 children)

Bomba, askar, polis bangs all know the cobra dance 🐍.

I swear it's part of their training but no matter what department I call, they always got one brother who rolls up and bags it in a bottle or rice bag.

[–]Yadobler 25 points26 points  (7 children)

Abang2 bomba are underrated

That video where the ceiling collapses and snakes fall out, lmao

And also that one where the abang bomba rescues a kitty from the ledge of a building lmao


Also Singaporean scdf (bomba) and spf (polis) both have a sizable amount of malay abang2. Very wholesome, and police stations have residential cats. Also you get to learn malay from your colleagues. Also nasi padang aunty Is generous.

[–]PrancingGinger 21 points22 points  (6 children)

The only Malay I've ever encountered is "anda seorang Amerika yang berlebihan berat badan". According to some kids outside of my favorite Chinese restaurant, it's a term of endearment.

[–]HotObligation8597 43 points44 points  (5 children)

They are saying you're obese. Normally it's a kids tease 😂

It literally means "You are an American whose weight is too much.

[–]LivingDisastrous3603 20 points21 points  (2 children)

The only Malay I know is “buah zakar saya”. I work with a lady from Malaysia and taught her how to use “deez nuts”. It was funny. At first. We were talking about food one day. She asked if I’ve ever tried Soukya. I said, no. What’s Soukya? She said, loudly, SOUKYA OWN NUTS, laughed and walked away triumphantly. The student had become the master.

Anyway… so now I say buah zakar saya as the punchline(sometimes) when she slips up.

[–]leodash 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I remember the original video and the post was correctly titled Malaysian army. How could they not be bothered to even copy and paste. It's a lot less work than typing.

[–]thrussie 2136 points2137 points  (180 children)

It’s Malaysia. Usually the firefighters are called to handle wild animals, mostly snakes. And once in a while there are news on the telly about firefighters died after being bitten by snakes. People who died usually a seasoned animal handler who were bitten once or twice. Key takeaways: no matter how good you are at handling snakes, they fuck you up if given the chance

[–]Gingerstachesupreme 223 points224 points  (41 children)

Had a debate with a redditor years back where he claimed that he could “easily” capture a king cobra, and anyone who couldn’t is stupid. The confidence of people here is nuts - they see a video like this and just think “perfect, now I’m an expert”.

[–]FriendlyPyre 126 points127 points  (27 children)

Just remember, a bit more than 20% of Americans think they can take on a lion... (Globally) People are, in general, very confident even when logically they should not be.

[–]TARANTULA_TIDDIES 52 points53 points  (3 children)

I'm American and I think I could take on a lion. But only if I had a rifle with a scope and it was far away lol

[–]Crecy333 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Ha, you forgot ammo. Good luck!!

[–]TheObstruction 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh, I could definitely take on a lion. I'd lose horribly, but I could still take it on.

[–]gnatsaredancing 92 points93 points  (4 children)

To be fair, the trick isn't that hard. They can't lunge upwards so in theory the pushing them down from above thing works.

Until you realise they can also go sideways and an 18 foot cobra has quite a lot of forward range while you're leaning over them trying to keep your legs out of the way.

Most of the people who get bitten are doing this trick 'right' but simply aren't aware that it's not a flawless method.

[–]Acuterecruit 332 points333 points  (109 children)

I don't even think snakes need to be given a chance to fuck you up, I think they straight up take chances not given freely to them.

[–]godtogblandet 210 points211 points  (106 children)

Most snakes are pussies and will run away or ignore you if given the chance. The problem is things like a black mamba still exist and they will run you down and bite your ass. The problem is knowing what snake you are dealing with.

Also good shoes with a high ankle. Number one reasons people get bit is stepping on or near them.

[–]chicacherrycolalime 74 points75 points  (71 children)

The problem is things like a black mamba still exist and they will run you down and bite your ass

Any other snakes like black mambas I should learn to recognize to save myself a butt load of trouble?

[–]MsSnarkitysnarksnark 67 points68 points  (13 children)

...any that are venomous? Idk, that's just the rule I'm going with. Or all of them. That sounds better.

[–]nysraved 62 points63 points  (11 children)

Yeah I’m not going to bother trying to learn the details of which snakes are the most dangerous, if I see ANY snake I’m getting the fuck outta there lmao

[–]trilobot 48 points49 points  (7 children)

If you're in danger of a snake bite that matters, it's critical to be able to identify the snake. Many snakebites are accidental because snakes are hard to see until you step on them.

But antivenom usually requires the species to be specifically identified to be most effective, so even if you intend on keeping your distance, knowing the dangerous species and how to identify them in your area is really important.

Most snakes aren't venomous and snakes tend to be pretty environment restricted (elevation, humidity, tree cover, sandiness, all matter) so it really shouldn't be that hard to prepare a list ahead of time before an outing.

Especially in North America or Europe where the number of venomous snakes is pretty low.

[–]godtogblandet 34 points35 points  (4 children)

Cobras are pretty aggressive, but not that big on endurance. Some of them will spit at you as well. Coastal taipan’s can get pretty aggro as well unlike inland taipan that you pretty much have to pick up before it strikes.

Just rewatch everything Steve Irwin ever made and you should be golden. If Steve looks jumpy it’s a snake that’s likely to come at you fast and hard.

[–]that1communist 45 points46 points  (25 children)

This is made up, snakes do not run after people, they have no interest in attacking you, i'm studying to be a herpetologist and this is one of the most common pieces of nonsense in the trade.

Quite frankly, if you aren't messing with a snake, and you don't step on one, you have nothing to worry about. King cobras and black mambas are by far the most aggressive, but even then, getting bitten doing anything other than attempting to kill them/capture them is EXTREMELY rare, with the exception of people accidentally stepping on them.

Treat them with respect, keep your distance, don't try to kill them, look where you're stepping, and wear boots, and you have nothing to worry about.

edit: to clarify even king cobras and black mambas, while they might chase you off, they're doing it purely defensively and have no interest in attacking you.

[–]Ripenz491 25 points26 points  (18 children)

You should try the Eastern Brown Snake. Lives in populated areas of Australia. Rated as the 2nd most toxic snake venoms in the world behind the Taipan and just for shits and giggles its a fucking arsehole. Its highly aggressive and will happily chase you.

Even the juveniles have the same toxicity as the adults

[–]Pereyragunz 28 points29 points  (3 children)

There's no creature in Australia that wouldn't run you off and try to kill you

[–]Strength-Speed 19 points20 points  (2 children)

For some reason I am bothered by extremely dangerous shit being named generically 'easterm brown snake'

[–]trilobot 14 points15 points  (0 children)

To be fair, it lives in the east, and is brown. And it's not the only brown snake. They have the king brown snake, too! It's less venomous (that's like saying a gunshot to the head is less severe than two gunshots to the head though). King just means it eats other snakes.

Because monarchs are cannibals? Never understood this convention.

[–]wildcard1992 35 points36 points  (4 children)

Yeah sounds like they're speaking Malay, not Thai.

[–]Mcbadguy 12 points13 points  (7 children)

Do they not have anti-venom? If this is a regular occurrence you'd think they would, right? Or at the very least, thick gloves / snake handling sticks?

[–]montdidier 77 points78 points  (6 children)

There is anti-venom. King Cobras are not that venomous by venomous snake standards but because of their size can easily deliver a lethal dose. Approximately 50% of the time, an adult King Cobra will deliver a fatal dose, with deaths occurring less often because of first aid, anti-venom etc. I used to encounter them every so often as a child growing up next to a Kampung and jungle reserve. We eventually got some geese to keep them away. They would make an enormous fuss if they found one which would inevitably scare it away. I also recall a neighbour removing one from his property with the help of a long rattan cane.

[–]Ok_Sea_6214 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Geese are my new favorite animal.

[–]glorious_wildebeest 17 points18 points  (1 child)

My friend had geese to deter thieves, but then they got stolen. :(

[–]PatrickBateman22 3144 points3145 points  (153 children)

I did not think they were that big

[–]DoppelFrog 4981 points4982 points  (39 children)

Why? How big did you think Thai marines were?

[–]PsychoNicho 518 points519 points  (3 children)

I’m cackling at this. Thank you

[–]graysquirrel14 117 points118 points  (1 child)

Same, rough day and caught me off guard. Busted a good laugh on that one.

[–]danceswithwool 160 points161 points  (6 children)

Ah the ol’ Reddit Hiss-a-roo!

[–]mr_moos 105 points106 points  (2 children)

Hold my snakeskin backpack, I'm going in!

[–]BiffTNifty 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Son of a bitch, I didn't have time for this tonight.

[–]straydog1980 539 points540 points  (18 children)

You come for the king, you'd best not miss

[–]stroud 36 points37 points  (1 child)

"You come at the King, you'd best not miss."

[–]ProudCar5284 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Human beings are fucking terrifying.

[–]Hoodzpah805 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Can’t tell if comment relates to Thai Marine or Omar Little... Either way: Gangster.

[–]TekkenKing12 229 points230 points  (2 children)

I remember my dad saying when we went to the zoo they could stand up and look you in the eye and me being a 6 year old was like "whoaaaaa that's so big" then I came back after 12 years or so and he told me the exact same thing and me remembering the last time he told me that made me realize. "Oh. He meant they are literally as tall as anyone.....they're huge"

[–]Addicted_to_Nature 157 points158 points  (35 children)

They get 18ft

[–]DonaldTrumpsAnalPlug 110 points111 points  (30 children)

Average 10 to 12 but damn imagine the reaction of the person to find one 18foot.

[–]Addicted_to_Nature 87 points88 points  (10 children)

The 18 ft one was at the London Zoo during WW2. I've met a 13ft one but yeah even that is way longer than average

[–]Gardimus 177 points178 points  (2 children)

We have no right keeping an 18frt Thai Marine in a zoo. I don't care if it was WW2!

[–]DonaldTrumpsAnalPlug 19 points20 points  (5 children)

Idk how I'd react to finding one like that in the wild

[–]casualuser1000 57 points58 points  (18 children)

Found an 11ft one in Malaysia once. That was terrifying. Big enough that if you catch it you can’t hang onto its head like this guy did without a lot of strength

[–]DonaldTrumpsAnalPlug 41 points42 points  (10 children)

I was wondering that. One slip and no antivenom? whistles

[–]notapoke 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Even with antivenin that will fuck you up

[–]QuietGrudge 8 points9 points  (0 children)

A La Sheriff Bart from Blazing Saddles:

A man rassles with a pissed off hooded noodle and he don't wear no protective coverin's, he is gonna die!

[–]Ok_Antelope_1953 11 points12 points  (1 child)

king cobra antivenom is both expensive and hard to find because king cobras stay away from people and don't bite a lot of people. so if you do get bitten you'll likely end up dead because the volume of venom is too much and antivenom is hard to find.

[–]InevitableHawk 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Heard Fry from futuramas voice and whistle

[–]Tjonke 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Was whiteriver rafting in Malaysia, was in a calm area of the river, so decided to swim along the boat a bit. A very frantic tour guide told me to get out of the water. Two King Cobras were casually swimming past the boat. One of them tried to slither into, but was fended of by a paddle. They are HUGE, and I really wouldn't want to be bitten by them, know how bad I felt after being bitten by an Egyptian Cobra, and they inject like 1/10th of the venom this thing could,

[–]Due_Platypus_3913 67 points68 points  (23 children)

They get much longer than this. The biggest can look you right in the eye!(which they WILL,cuz they’re snakes)But at face level. The Jack-ass crew trapped Bam in a horse trailer with a HUGE one!

[–]Ok_Antelope_1953 37 points38 points  (6 children)

this looks like a female which usually get 9-12ft long. males are often a darker shade, thicker, and reach 12-15ft, and can get up to 18ft. thing about king cobras is that they're not only long, they are also very thick for an elapid. sets them apart from the other famous long elapid - mambas.

[–]Forward_Standard 30 points31 points  (3 children)

True. I mean the most famous mamba, the black mamba, aka Kobe Bryant, was in reality closer to 6' 4'' than the 6' 6" the Lakers listed him as.

[–]Majestic-Marzipan621 43 points44 points  (8 children)

I googled "What does it mean when a snake looks you in the eyes?"

Other results include "Why do I see snakes when I close my eyes?"


[–]thepobv 20 points21 points  (1 child)

These aren't even the big ones lol

Source: AM thai

[–]Andre6k6 14 points15 points  (0 children)

How big do your marines get?

[–]Goddamnpassword 75 points76 points  (0 children)

They can rear up to be six feet tall, the longest venomous snake in the world

[–]DonaldTrumpsAnalPlug 102 points103 points  (0 children)

His balls? Yes they are very big.

[–]RutCry 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They get bigger than that.

[–]CH0C0BALLS 2035 points2036 points  (134 children)

Step 1: sway your legs to display agility of different limbs

Step 2: shuffle closer

Step 3: repeat step 1, incorporate slight arm movement

Step 4: shuffle closer

Step 5: repeat step 3, position commanding arm straight forward, palm facing down and the other arm wrapped backwards behind you. This displays the ability to do the snake, which a snake respects.

Step 5: shuffle closer

Step 6: lower hand that is now above cobra’s head and gently lower whole arm to start nudging the cobra’s head to the ground.

Step 7: forcefully grip the cobra head and go to town manhandling it until you have both hands gripping both the head in a controlled manner and the body away from its ability to wrap around your neck.

I followed all of these instructions and I’m now in the hospital can someone ask him what to do if things go wrong?

[–]FollicularManslaught 1060 points1061 points  (97 children)

So you are right, however there is a reason for this behavior. King cobras can only strike downward. The way he moves his feet in the beginning is to both entice the cobra into potentially striking and to lower its head. The lower the head the less distance it can strike.

If you take a second to notice the distance he maintains, his feet are roughly never closer to the "base" (where the cobra meets the ground) of the snake than the head is to the ground. This guarantees he is out of striking distance. He only starts taking that wide "secure" stance when he is reasonably certain the cobra wont be able to strike him.

Finally the slow pressure downwards is a submission maneuver. Once the head is firmly on the ground and the hand is securely on its neck, there isn't much the cobra can do other than try to wrap itself around him.

[–]GnarlyNarwhalNoms 352 points353 points  (6 children)

I find that slow downward pressure on the head can go either way

[–]an_actual_fox 119 points120 points  (4 children)

So you are right, however there is a reason for this behavior. King cobras can only strike downward.

Something about this agreeable, informative beginning to two evenly-sized paragraphs made me sure someone was about to get thrown off hell in a cell...

[–]eltsir 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Right? It was so agreeable and interesting I found myself checking the end for a gotcha.

[–]overkill 48 points49 points  (57 children)

Very interesting. Thanks you for the explanation.

[–]Mr12i 124 points125 points  (56 children)

It's actually even more complex. The snake-handler's maneuvers are calculated and serve distinct objectives. There's more nuance to this dance though, if you peel back the layers of what's happening here.

The initial leg movements and arm positioning are essential parts of 'serpent synchrony' - a fascinating area in herpetology that studies snake body language. This mirroring serves to put the snake at ease, almost tricking it into thinking it's dealing with a kindred spirit, not a potential threat.

Shuffling forward is a testament to gradualism, moving slowly into the snake's personal space, causing minimum stress to the creature. This patient approach is a key aspect of the snake-handler's technique, respecting the cobra's comfort zone while asserting his intent.

However, things get particularly interesting when we examine the pattern of the shuffling. Each shuffle sequence almost aligns with the Fibonacci sequence. Snakes have an uncanny sense for pattern recognition and this mathematical dance of feet effectively hypnotizes the cobra.

As he extends his arm, it's a subtle play of dominance and illusion. His arm orientation, coupled with the mesmerizing Fibonacci footwork, triggers an 'Intra-species Optical Snake Illusion' (IOSI) - making the man appear as a larger, intimidating cobra. It's quite a novel application in the realm of snake handling.

Finally, the pressure applied downward indeed serves as a submission move, but it also taps into the snake's eclipse sensitivity - changes in pressure experienced during lunar eclipses, which oddly have a calming effect on cobras. This peculiar phenomenon still puzzles herpetologists.

All in all, this complex ballet between man and snake demonstrates a blend of zoology, psychology, and a surprising dash of mathematics. It’s a cautionary tale though: snake charming isn't just fancy footwork and a firm grip; it's a science that should be left to the experts who have mastered 'serpent synchrony', Fibonacci footwork, IOSI, and eclipse-induced snake tranquility techniques.

[–]tripledraw 130 points131 points  (8 children)

Damn, I was fully expecting to get shittymorphed

[–]LawTortoise 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Yep. I got to Fibonacci, had to scroll back to the name. Disappointing.

[–]spencerAF 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yeah that not ending in Mankind getting tossed off Hell in the Cell was a real shock

[–]nedh84 5 points6 points  (0 children)

100% I had to double check the name hahaha

[–]cpt_lanthanide 21 points22 points  (3 children)

However, <paragraph>

Finally, <paragraph>

All in all, <second concluding paragraph>

Ah, hello chatgpt

[–]zombiemaster008 17 points18 points  (16 children)

Can't tell if this is real or a shit-post, but I love it all the same

[–]cpt_lanthanide 18 points19 points  (15 children)

ChatGPT, can absolutely tell from the structure.

[–]pseudoHappyHippy 6 points7 points  (13 children)

Edit: I am wrong.

I don't think it is. ChatGPT tends to have impeccable grammar and sentence structure. While this comment is very well-written, it has a few grammatical errors and some awkward wording, which are decent tells that it was written by a person.

Some examples:

  1. "snake-handler"

'Snake handler' should not be hyphenated, but it is several times in this comment.

2) "...essential parts of 'serpent synchrony' - a fascinating area in herpetology..."

Several times the author uses a hyphen when they should be using an em dash: —. You can see this in the example above, and several more times throughout the comment. People often use hyphens in place of both en dashes and em dashes, because it is annoying to type the alt codes for those characters. ChatGPT, however, will always choose the correct type of dash, in my experience.

Also, in the above quotation, the single quotation marks should be double quotation marks (a similar mistake is also made in the fifth paragraph). Single quotation marks are for quotations within quotations, or for indicating that one is speaking about a word itself. Double quotation marks are the appropriate choice when indicating unusual terminology.

3) "However, things get particularly interesting when..."

The fourth paragraph starts with the word 'however', but this is not the appropriate conjunctive adverb for this context, because this sentence is not in any kind of conflict with the preceding sentence or paragraph.

4) "As he extends his arm, it's a subtle play of dominance and illusion."

This sentence structure doesn't really make sense. The use of the word 'as' to indicate concurrence clashes with the non-temporal statement following the comma. It should either be:

"The extension of his arm is a subtle play of dominance and illusion."


"As he extends his arm, he demonstrates a subtle play of dominance and illusion."

5) "His arm orientation..."

Here, the word 'arm' should be possessive:

"His arm's orientation..."

6) "...but it also taps into the snake's eclipse sensitivity - changes in pressure experienced during lunar eclipses, which oddly have a calming effect on cobras."

This one is subtle. Everything following the hyphen (which is meant to be an em dash) is intended as an explanation of the term "eclipse sensitivity" that precedes it. However, the way this is worded technically equates the sensitivity to the pressure changes themselves. It would be more correct to write something like:

"...but it also taps into the snake's eclipse sensitivity—a phenomenon whereby changes in pressure experienced during lunar eclipses have an oddly calming effect on cobras."

In all of my (fairly extensive) interactions with ChatGPT, I have never known it to make any errors like the ones described above.

This comment has been my best attempt to imitate ChatGPT.

[–]YaBoyPads 7 points8 points  (16 children)

I still don't get why the snake does nothing and just lets him tap its head and apply that pressure.

[–]Mr12i 25 points26 points  (15 children)

That's a great question, and it's understandable to be a bit puzzled here. However, it's crucial to remember that cobras are among the most sophisticated creatures when it comes to interspecies communication.

On a basic level, the cobra is aware of the fact that it's being handled by a larger entity, and sometimes, the simple instinct for survival dictates a passive response to avoid provoking a larger predator.

Now, let's delve into the real fun part. What you might not know is that the tapping on the head actually mimics the drumming pattern of raindrops during a tropical storm, which is typically a signal for the cobra to retreat and seek shelter. The snake handler is essentially playing a rhythm on the snake's head that simulates nature's call for retreat, further contributing to its submissive state.

However, it goes deeper than that. You see, the specific pressure applied is believed to resonate with the snake's Jacobson's organ, an auxiliary olfactory sense organ. This sends the cobra into a sort of sensory overload that effectively convinces the snake it's smelling a mongoose, its natural enemy. In this perceived presence of a predator, the cobra tends to freeze in an attempt to go unnoticed.

Lastly, some experts argue that the snake handler's tapping technique employs 'Herpetological Reiki' - a controversial practice thought to channel the handler's calm energy into the snake, thereby relaxing it. While it lacks scientific backing, many traditional snake charmers swear by it.

So, it's a combination of mimicking natural signals, manipulating the snake's sensory perception, and possibly a dash of Reiki that keeps the cobra so still. It's an art as much as it is a science, teetering on the edge of the surreal, but it’s been passed down through generations of snake handlers. Definitely not something to try during a casual backyard encounter with a snake!

[–]rand0m_access 125 points126 points  (4 children)

I kinda thought ur already in heaven

[–]Unlucky-Arrival-4978 50 points51 points  (1 child)

Ability to do the snake.

[–]verixtheconfused 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ends up done by the snake

[–]Koshamosha 42 points43 points  (1 child)

Most people would go to the hospital immediately after step 1. You are real pro, bro.

[–]ZebraUnion 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Anyone who has successfully given a cat an oral antibiotic can do step one through seven.

[–]LePhantomLimb 65 points66 points  (1 child)

You missed the step where upon lowering his hand down towards the snake, he moved his other hand to protect his groin. You must have left your groin exposed and the cobra took the opportunity to point out your mistake

[–]Flint_Ironstag1 18 points19 points  (0 children)

they always made fun of me for wearing a Muay Thai cup as part of my uniform. I think any soldier who doesn't is a fucking dumbass.

[–]matthew0001 24 points25 points  (0 children)

There was a post a while back about how to beat a bear with your bare hands. Final step was "realize you died at step 2"

[–]Denji_The_Shinji 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Step 1: sway your legs to display agility of different limbs

And We got a dead bro

[–]Impossible-Oil2345 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Have you tried to be Thai? Or perhaps learning the flute?

[–]Shutterstormphoto 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol this sounds like the Dune sandwalk

[–]Liquesrodrigo 699 points700 points  (54 children)

So how exactly do you let it go? Just yeet tf out of it?

[–]Ok-Scientist5524 613 points614 points  (17 children)

You can feed it into a bucket with a lid or a bag and then yeet the container in such a way as to free it. The trick I think is to get the animal tired enough so that it just gtfo’s but not angry enough to be like alright imma fuck up the next person I see.

[–]DaveInLondon89 251 points252 points  (14 children)

I love that yeet has become a completely normal word. It just works.

[–]McFuckin94 115 points116 points  (8 children)

The opposite of yeet is yoink if you’re interested.

[–]igiveonefuck 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Let's play yoink yeet aka frisbee

[–]Mr12i 23 points24 points  (1 child)

And yeeting and yoinking repeatedly is boinking

[–]McFuckin94 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hate that this made me laugh

[–]centumcellae85 106 points107 points  (3 children)

Let go of the back end.

Apologize to the snake.

Point it away from camp.

Let go of the front end.

(King cobras don't generally attack people)

[–]LordDongler 25 points26 points  (1 child)

They generally don't because they can't eat us even if they killed us. They absolutely will kill you if you come into their space and put your hands on them

[–]NotInsane_Yet 57 points58 points  (5 children)

Grab the tail and get ready for a spin.

[–]hawtgawbage 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Some say he’s still holding onto that snake to this day.

[–]AffectionateSector77 462 points463 points  (1 child)

That snakes thinking "I thought you were going to pet me, and we were going to go on adventures; then this shit"

[–]BMW_wulfi 27 points28 points  (0 children)

“Ok you know what, actually imma fuck you up instead!”

[–]NopalTheRock 388 points389 points  (8 children)

That's the Royal Malaysian Army not Thai lol

[–]3legcat 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No wonder. It sounded like they were speaking Malay. Was confused.

[–]henningknows 478 points479 points  (34 children)

Super fucking grateful I wasn’t born somewhere where this is a needed skill

[–]The_Serpent_Of_Eden_ 159 points160 points  (17 children)

Most snakes want nothing to do with humans. Venom's costly energy-wise to make and the king cobra needs that to take down prey. It doesn't want to bite you unless it feels it has no other choice. Chances are good if they had just left it alone, it would have slithered off into the forest in the background. They'd still have to keep an eye on it, make sure it didn't go off into some barracks or something, but this guy was just showing off.

Not an expert and I sure as hell wouldn't mess with venomous snakes, but I worked somewhere with reptiles, including venomous snakes, and learned a lot from the head herpetologist there.

[–]CataLaGata 92 points93 points  (6 children)

Also, a lot of bites are dry, that means that they don't inject the venom for the same reason that you explained, it costs them energy and time to produce it and they need it to be able to eat.

It is still dangerous as any bite from any other animal because it can get infected, but you get like 99.999% more chances of survival without losing a limb.

There is also a world shortage of antivenom serum, you can Google it if you are interested in the subject, nobody talks about it because it is mostly an issue for poor countries "in development".

I am from Colombia, this is a serious issue, I actually worked a semester in a review of this subject when I was studying, it's frightening, also, I am a biologist.

[–]RasputinXXX 26 points27 points  (7 children)

tell that to Black Mamba's... I have known instances where they fucked up people's shit just because the human looked at them funny across the street.

[–]RustyKnuts23 46 points47 points  (5 children)

It’s not a needed skill

[–]Van-garde 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Right. He’s surrounded by vegetation; tools are readily available.

Could be someone displaying an animal skill they’ve learned. Could just be machismo.

[–]brwntrout 39 points40 points  (0 children)

what? men would never do stupid stuff just to show off.

[–]Phenix6071 80 points81 points  (1 child)

I'm always so incredibly shocked with how high they can stand when they hood. truly incredible

[–]Thedrunner2 64 points65 points  (3 children)

Which means he’s done this shit off camera before probably a bunch of times. Crazy .

[–]Ok_Resource_7929 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Nah, but he did stay at a holiday inn express last night.

[–]EverythingsSweet 1327 points1328 points  (52 children)

American Marines do the same thing at bars except they’re hunting overweight women with psychological problems.

[–]Visceral_Feelings 473 points474 points  (17 children)

Geezus, I haven't seen the Corps murdered like this since Fallujah.

[–]GiveHerDPS 88 points89 points  (14 children)

Dude that's not funny you're gonna get us in a trouble again.

[–]Visceral_Feelings 113 points114 points  (7 children)

I'd be more worried about Marines getting in trouble for their behavior in Okinawa.

[–]Yardsale420 33 points34 points  (6 children)

I remember a story on reddit by some marine who said that both he and his father got an STD from the famous Ping Pong Ball lady in Okinawa.

Edit- it was the Banana Lady.

[–]cliffordc5 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Wanna hear my impression of an American?



[–]N00seUp 8 points9 points  (1 child)

“Do you have any non-dairy creamer?”

[–]from-VTIP-to-REFRAD 74 points75 points  (5 children)

It’s all branches of service, although the real pros know that dependas are best baited with Tricare & bacon bits

[–]DonaldTrumpsAnalPlug 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I ain't a fucking crayon eater bro.

[–]NoIdeaHalp 15 points16 points  (0 children)

No, apparently just Donald Trump’s anal plug.

[–]masterwit 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Well overweight women with poor mental health often result from the overworked underpaid education system. I'm guessing they are after the crayons

[–]ToughOnSquids 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As a US Marine fuck you for being right

[–]jahlim 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Not Thai. Those were Malaysian army.

[–]Scruffy_Nerf_Hoarder 61 points62 points  (3 children)

They can lift up to a third of their length. Sometimes, they can stand eye-to-eye with a six-foot man.

[–]bopaz728 39 points40 points  (2 children)

I’m bad at math, but does that mean there are 18 foot cobras slithering around out there?

Fuck. That.

[–]KazumaKat 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Yep, regularly recorded max length is indeed 18ft. Hell, snakes 2/3rds as long are common among their number, so chances are if you bump into one of those, it'll be tall enough to aim for your abdomen/chest, ripe for the venom to heart strike.

Source: am in the general region of the world, we get those snakes too.

[–]VivaLaEmpire 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Please stop writing, I beg you

[–]shinymetalobjekt 56 points57 points  (0 children)

He tricked it with the "It's alright Mr. Snake, I'm just gonna pet you."

[–]BartDCMY 18 points19 points  (3 children)

That is Malaysian army dude and he is not in special forces wtc. Just normal grunt in RAMD, Malay Regiment.

[–]MrCput 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thai Marine korok apo gini. Bhasa Melayu tuh... bodo kepek hok post ni.

[–]Ruxbod 11 points12 points  (0 children)

i dont think thai marine use that uniform and they’re speaking bahasa

[–]deenali 33 points34 points  (1 child)

The guy is with the Malaysian army.

[–]gte339i 40 points41 points  (4 children)

This man has balls.

[–]whoareyouguys 20 points21 points  (16 children)

Why did it let him just put his hand on its head?

[–]alexgalt 114 points115 points  (13 children)

It doesn’t really have much choice. Lack of arms and feet is not great.

A cobra cannot jump up, so it can only strike in a downward ark from that standing position. He stood farther than it could bite. He moved his feet around so that it tracks the feet and doesn’t track his head or anything above. Then he slowly moved forward as it went down (still beyond that arc reach). When he could reach over he does so over its head. It cannot bite upwards only in that arc.

It’s only option when he touched the head was to come all the way down, move back then reposition, come back up and bite him. That makes the snake vulnerable because he could stomp on it. Most large animals try to stomp on snakes and snakes try not to go down once up like that.

When he pushes the head down, it doesn’t change any logic from the snakes perspective. It doesn’t know how to defend against this.

[–]ManyInitials 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Snake Physics 101 Thanks Professor!

[–]newtonianartist_xrd 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Snek: hooman OP plz nerf

[–]CucuMatMalaya 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Thai? No. That is Malaysian Army.

[–]corbantd 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That was incredibly terrifying

[–]Haskins77 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Absolutely fucking no.

I don’t ever want to see this snake. 😬

[–]calistrotic22 5 points6 points  (2 children)

This is either Malaysia or Indonesia.

[–]r0w33 7 points8 points  (0 children)

King cobras hate this one trick

[–]Bennely 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He spreads his legs that wide to make room for his giant balls.

[–]MicrowavePlant 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wedgie dance ✅

[–]UncleJojito 5 points6 points  (1 child)

King cobras and only bite downwards. That's why he stayed above it like that.

[–]Sleepybystander 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The way he move and widen his legs.. it's because of the massive balls between his legs getting in the way of the action