top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]ZakkTheInsomniac 955 points956 points  (7 children)

Threaten to Give Head then Beg

[–]Potatosaurus_TH 15.3k points15.3k points  (136 children)

Looks like one of those sleazy popups you see on hentai sites. Bet you wouldn't last 5 seconds playing this game!

[–]kennyh90 4740 points4741 points  (36 children)

And they were right 😮‍💨

[–]JonnyBhoy 1127 points1128 points  (12 children)

I was there, Gandalf. 5 seconds ago. I was there the day the strength of men failed.

[–]SonofaTimeLord 1837 points1838 points  (18 children)

"Often I’ll see advertisements for porn games that say ‘Try Not To Cum,’ but then when you play them it seems the objective is to cum. So yes, I would call that bad game design.”

  • Shigeru Miyamoto

[–]jimbobhas 325 points326 points  (6 children)

This is one of my favourite quotes

[–]freddyfazbacon 45 points46 points  (1 child)

Miyamoto once again proving himself to be a hack fraud. Any real game designer would recognise that the objective is, indeed, to not cum, but the game challenges the player by attempting to make them cum. This is a simple example of risk and reward.

[–]OpenAboutMyFetishes 24 points25 points  (3 children)

I mean technically it’s bad advertising if anything, no?

[–]Jungleman6 464 points465 points  (28 children)

I’ve clicked on two of them out of curiosity. One led to a dodgy website that was hosting a bootleg version of the Tomb Raider reboot, the second one led to a pc port of a shitty mobile game.

[–]annoyingkraken 248 points249 points  (21 children)

Thanks for the report! I'd never click on those myself so I would never have known where they lead to.

[–]justsyr 424 points425 points  (20 children)

Had to fix a laptop. My first solution when I see it's full of crapware is just format it. I ask them to backup all the shit they have, I tell them I don't want to find things if you ask me to do your backups.

This person tells me don't have anything embarrassing so I do some looking around finding docs and pics; then I open the browser and it was hijacked by some shit that had one of those ads. Big breasts futanari on futanari. You won't last 20 seconds! says the ad. Ok I'll bite. After about 2 minutes of clicking through ads, popups and whatnot I landed on the supposed game but it was just a 5 seconds video on loop and if wanted to do anything I had to provide credit card details but worry not! It's just for age verification! Nothing would be charged!

Owner of the laptop was next to me and was curious too. A 10 year older than me woman. We are friends, she's married and all. And she's still curious about that thing and says she has a card from a not used account and asks me if we could try. She puts money on the account and here we go.

Again, 2 minutes of following shady links until we get this 10 seconds gameplay where you could "touch" with the cursor some of the futanari body, after a few seconds, popup asks for credit card details just to verify age!

I told her that she'd probably have to explain to the bank that whatever comes in the future to that account it's from some shady virus on her computer which she agrees to do.

Anyway, completed all the steps they took $5 from the account; success! This lead to another 2 minutes of link jumping, every link had its form of porn but only as short videos implying "you are close to the game!" Half hour from the start passed and we end up on another age verification page...

This is where I said let's abandon this shit, and I completed the laptop fixing in about 20 minutes thinking well I did last about half hour until I gave up lol.

I tried again on another laptop to fix with the same result: they ask for credit card data. Not only my friend lost the $5 but they wanted to charge 5 more every week as a subscription from some company doesn't exists.

[–]TenTonSomeone 239 points240 points  (1 child)

Your sacrifice has brought wisdom to the world

[–]annoyingkraken 80 points81 points  (6 children)

I have learned even more and come out wiser from your experience.

Also, I just realized a recognizable pattern from that compared to a family relative's experience in an investment scam. It began small; and the scammers gave some amount back as "returns," I see this as the initial lewd animations. A few back and forth cycles of slowly incrementing "investments" and proportionally increasing "returns" led to the big drop. And the sunk cost fallacy, and desire for more money plays into effect. At some point, the relative has put in a rather sizeable amount: about five month's worth of minimum wage.

The scammers stop giving back the "returns." And come up with a series of excuses, reasons and intimidating English terms where the relative has to pay some fee. Please note that English is not my relative's first language. These bogus payments were for various made-up things: a systems restoration fee, a processing fee, a bank release transaction, an account upgrade protocol, a client status elevation payment, a dormant account penalty, etc.

Anyway, lesson is to temper our desires. Scammers know how to monetize your dreams & fantasies. Pornography, financial gain, relational fulfillment... Be careful out there.. If someone's telling you to shell out some money for a promise of some gain, that's SUS. Take care.

[–]-desdinova- 20.1k points20.1k points  (161 children)

"Give it to us raw, and wriggling!"

[–]ChairmanGoodchild 10.9k points10.9k points  (119 children)

"Gollum, gollum, gollum, gollum," *spits*

[–]Taako_Well 3719 points3720 points  (30 children)

Oh god, I hate you so much right now.

[–]Ornery_Farm752 1667 points1668 points  (27 children)

“He’s always stuffing his face when master’s not looking!”

[–]GrammatonYHWH 515 points516 points  (21 children)

Master likes that gussy

[–]FrysEighthLeaf 380 points381 points  (20 children)


[–]imafixwoofs 182 points183 points  (12 children)

Oh no, please stop.

[–]DanielGREY_75 78 points79 points  (11 children)

Lembras Breadussy

[–]SlinkyGuy 29 points30 points  (0 children)

One small bite will fill the stomach of a grown man.

[–]Astandsforataxia69 56 points57 points  (9 children)

Sam, ohhh sam

[–]SlinkyGuy 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Strawberries with cream, Mr. Frodo!

[–]Netwinn 36 points37 points  (3 children)

How do I delete my eyes?!

[–]Callemasizeezem 47 points48 points  (0 children)

"What... (heaves)... has... (heaves)... it gots, (heaves)... in its nasty little pocketssess?"

[–]FangoriouslyDevoured 20 points21 points  (0 children)

What are you doing, step-precious?

[–]Fshskyline 350 points351 points  (2 children)

Jesus Christ it’s way too early for this 🤣

[–]lUpsideDownl 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Barely wake up and this is what we have to see lmao

[–]jacka24 919 points920 points  (37 children)

"Spits on hes dick me does"

"Master likes spitsssses"

[–]thespike5p1k3 301 points302 points  (32 children)

I read that 1st line like yoda lol

[–]jacka24 353 points354 points  (30 children)

"Mmm two hands around the shaft, I have"

[–]jacka24 226 points227 points  (11 children)

"Spread eagle, they call this"

[–]humplick 193 points194 points  (6 children)

Big daddy you are, hMmm

[–]csbsju_guyyy 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Red eye do not like, brown eye like GOLLUM GOLLUM

[–]Dusty170 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Its funny how 1 upper case M can emulate perfectly yodas voice in my head.

[–]LocalSlob 129 points130 points  (2 children)

Welp. That'll do it for me. Cya tomorrow internet.

[–]NenUser007 14 points15 points  (4 children)

HMmm,Last against my tongue work,you can not

[–]The_Reborn_Forge 275 points276 points  (5 children)

Yeah officer, this person right here…

[–]JustsharingatiktokOK 104 points105 points  (0 children)

I've not laughed this hard in about a month... the mental picture accompanying the gollum voice doing a glug glug chug (er... spit) is fucking killing me.

[–]Bobbar84 528 points529 points  (5 children)

"Is it soft? Is it--juuuicy?"

[–]kenncann 153 points154 points  (0 children)

“Poor hungry Sméagol” 😏

[–]mhoke63 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Share... The .... Load

[–]Moridin67 72 points73 points  (0 children)

I actually laughed out loud. Well played

[–]morry040 15 points16 points  (0 children)

"What has it got in its pocketses!?"

[–]Full-Hollow-Tiche 17.9k points17.9k points  (234 children)

Give WHAT?!?

[–]Replicant_06[S] 11.6k points11.6k points  (123 children)

He'd do anything for his precious

[–]Dapper_Phantom_Thief 1193 points1194 points  (53 children)

I knew what I would have chosen...

[–]BreakfastShart 920 points921 points  (50 children)

A Ring Job?

[–]SleepyMarijuanaut92 638 points639 points  (45 children)

Lord of the Cockring

[–]CerberusC24 95 points96 points  (6 children)

Doesn't it expand to fit whoever wields it?

[–]HairyLegTattoo 106 points107 points  (5 children)


[–]Jonathon471 87 points88 points  (4 children)

We all know Celebrimbor had a huge dick, he made The One (cock)Ring to cloak it in battle and made a fake ring to wear on his finger. Because he knew full well if anyone saw him swinging hog mid battle it would ruin both sides' morale.

[–]Early_Permit_2072 69 points70 points  (1 child)

We know where the orc put the ring without seeing

[–]Freeman7-13 94 points95 points  (0 children)

Looks like meat's back on the menu boys!

[–]MrBeanCyborgCaptain 605 points606 points  (12 children)

Look, sometimes when you're outmatched in a fight you have to do anything you can to defuse the situation.

[–]YourEnviousEnemy 198 points199 points  (0 children)

Can we get a "give head" button next to the "give award" button on comments?

[–]shaving99 152 points153 points  (3 children)

Looks like meat is back on the menu boys

[–]500owls 96 points97 points  (0 children)


[–]TheRealEzekiel00 142 points143 points  (22 children)

You read correctly.

[–]zmull93 118 points119 points  (21 children)

No be serious…is that shopped? Is this game real or is it a meme? Wait is life just a meme?!

[–]Millia_ 293 points294 points  (0 children)

I just watched a review of it and saw this moment, it's "Give bread" in game

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points  (6 children)

$20 is $20

[–]LordUmpa 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"Give me the meat, and give it to me raw."

[–]pullmydic 3079 points3080 points  (44 children)

Requires RTX 4070 for some smeagol seggs.

[–]ReallyBrainDead 597 points598 points  (17 children)

High enough res and you can see Smeagol's Smeagma.

[–]Prince_Edward_IV 101 points102 points  (1 child)

im going to set myself on fire and i need you to know its your fault

[–]curtassion 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Oh God, can the mind vomit?!

[–]elkeiem 2039 points2040 points  (17 children)

Share the load

[–]Snuffleton 376 points377 points  (3 children)

This, together with your profile pic, is sure to haunt my dreams now

[–]elkeiem 149 points150 points  (0 children)

The glorious visage of king Elessar should give you nothing but sweet dreams.

[–]kennyh90 4012 points4013 points  (32 children)

Testicles, boil em mash em stick em in our throatses

[–]Touchdmytralala 327 points328 points  (5 children)

Oh my God, these comments lol

[–]xenoz2020 1003 points1004 points  (9 children)

Well he doesn’t have to kneel.

[–]HPLovecraft1890PC 385 points386 points  (4 children)

Gollum has some pride! He will go down standing tall!

[–]Redsoxbox 906 points907 points  (5 children)

Sucking dick for the One Ring just like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

[–]DeviatedForm 152 points153 points  (3 children)

The real housewives of Mordor <3

Gossip with Gollum, sexytimes with smeagol and one ring to wrap around your finger

[–]Significant-Win-3987 152 points153 points  (2 children)

Crackhead simulator, middle earth edition.

[–]Male_Lead 389 points390 points  (3 children)

Looks like crazy frog animation from the 2000s

[–]TheYear3022 2672 points2673 points  (93 children)

Is this real? This can't be real.

[–]iamjackstestical 3511 points3512 points  (71 children)

They literally used a common font in the game and a basic layout so now it can be adjusted to meme so easily

[–]JudgeCheeze 2002 points2003 points  (68 children)

To be specific, the common font here is Calibri.

[–]steveosek 3260 points3261 points  (22 children)

Favored font of Calibrimbor

[–]I_Am_Clippy 511 points512 points  (3 children)

That’s Calibrimbor Sans-Serif to you, bucko.

[–]skolithos 117 points118 points  (7 children)

This is the best thing I've ever read

[–]Ultraviolet_Motion 50 points51 points  (5 children)

Wait until you learn that Lady Galadriel's husband's name, Celeborn, in Quenya is Teleporno.

[–]jodinexe 50 points51 points  (0 children)

This seriously deserves an Uruk-haifyve

[–]Marpicek 452 points453 points  (37 children)

They seriously used Calibri? I thought it is just a meme. This must be a new low for AAA games :D

EDIT: Checked some videos on YouTube and it is real... and worse than you think. The text has different size every time and is not even centered.

[–]fullyonline 90 points91 points  (3 children)

Wait untill the next game. They will set a new standard!

[–]Mormoran 45 points46 points  (2 children)

Nothing about this game qualifies as AAA unfortunately, except the price

[–]MiniDemonic 59 points60 points  (6 children)

At least it isn't comic sans

[–]travisscotttherapper 263 points264 points  (1 child)

they switched head with bread, the orc is taking his bread.

[–]sudo_mksandwhich 21 points22 points  (0 children)

If you look closely, there is a dark rectangle behind the h, because they copied it from "Threaten" below, where it is slightly darker.

[–]RedditisRunbyChimps 165 points166 points  (4 children)

Yes, this game is 90% orcs running trains on Gollum.

[–]turtle33_ 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Fever dream game

[–]MatsThyWit 2940 points2941 points  (98 children)

I don't want this to become popular in the meme community...I worry it might drive up sales of the game.

[–]ZeroSoulCipher 1741 points1742 points  (62 children)

I dunno, didn't exactly help Morbius much

[–]XxCorey117xX 852 points853 points  (8 children)

It's Gollumin time!

[–]progger11 349 points350 points  (3 children)

It's gobblin' time.

[–]Mitchel-256 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It's Goblin time.

Cock gobblin' time.

Took it too rough, now I'm hobblin' time.

Get the Precious back so I can feel sublime,

Suckin' fifty Orcs so I can get what's mine. (Yeah!)

[–]golden_boy 323 points324 points  (9 children)

I legitimately watched half of that movie on Disney+ excitedly waiting for him to say "It's Morbin Time!"

Imagine my disappointment

[–]bbcversus 125 points126 points  (4 children)

I watched the entire movie waiting for him to say it lol… my disappointment was immeasurable…

[–]RainbowDissent 107 points108 points  (2 children)

Bro you need to watch the directors' cut. It's criminal what the studio did to the theatrical release. They cut the iconic line.

[–]bbcversus 61 points62 points  (1 child)

Fuck you I won’t fall for it again! I think it was the first meme that got me that good, I felt rickrolled so hard… or morbed…

[–]WonnilVR 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You idiot. He says it at around 3/4 of the time of the movie? How you didn't continue watching what was certainly one of the movies of our generation is shocking to me

[–]SneakySpoons 1241 points1242 points  (43 children)

Please tell me that they are asking for the severed head of some goblin or something

[–]GalaxyHops1994 2307 points2308 points  (30 children)

Nah, there’s a whole rhythm mini game where you slob on that orcish knob, it’s really difficult too.

The game overall sucks (heh) but credit where it’s due, the voice actor for Gollum kills it in that mini game. It’s like I’m actually there!

[–]Mr_Chance 525 points526 points  (17 children)

I can't wait for the VR experience. I heard it's still in beta but the full release is coming soon.

[–]GalaxyHops1994 208 points209 points  (4 children)

I heard they had to rebalance it after that playtester gave himself whiplash trying to go fast enough! I hope they can maintain the panic and desperation of the original segment without endangering the players.

[–]Poppa-Squat- 13 points14 points  (0 children)

jesus christ i chortled again

[–]Rg1550 133 points134 points  (1 child)

Full release coming soon killed me.

[–]eltang 31 points32 points  (0 children)

That's cool, and really great of Gollum to teach us how to grapefruit our Orc.

[–]chuk2015 225 points226 points  (4 children)

The fools released the game with Calibri as the standard font, making it super easy to meme

[–]butterbean93 52 points53 points  (2 children)

I like to think it was intentional. Like the developers knew they were making a bad game and that its legacy lay in the meme potential.

[–]unipleb 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Not bothering to choose a game text font other than Calibri is just another indicator of how amazing this game's art direction is.

[–]MonteBellmond 903 points904 points  (55 children)

This game looks like a fan made $10 game with UE5.

[–]PNW_Forest 128 points129 points  (15 children)

I feel like this is a huge money laundering scheme. Like the budget was "200 million dollars", but was made for 1,000 bucks, the majority of which went to staff lunches during development... they just pocket the rest no harm no foul...

[–]Kolenga 73 points74 points  (11 children)

I used to work at that company. It's legitimate, they are just completely out of their depth with stealth/climbing mechanics and modern 3D graphics. They had their greatest success with 2D point-and-click games and they have struggled for years to branch out to other, less niche genres.

[–]dEEsucked 35 points36 points  (3 children)

Yeah, Daedelic Entertainment is a german studio known for their Point and Click Adventures. I wonder how they got contracted to make this game in the first place.

[–]Augenglubscher 21 points22 points  (0 children)

And their point and click adventures are actually very good.

[–]Ambitious-Bed3406 21 points22 points  (6 children)

So the first game they tried is GOLLUM??? A massive fan base and if you fuck up say goodbye to that dream of branching out for another ~5 hears. What were they thinking. And 200 MILLION? Honestly...

[–]Snuffleton 339 points340 points  (25 children)

Seeing how things are going in the games industry, I feel inclined to revive the old 'I'm something of a [game developer] myself' meme.

It's not even too far off the mark at this point. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I'm losing my faith here, fast. How long until we just each individually prompt an AI to simply make us a game overnight? Would prolly still be better than this shit right here.

[–]thoggins 96 points97 points  (13 children)

How long until we just each individually prompt an AI to simply make us a game overnight?

When the unshackled open source version hits the web we'll all get to find out just how depraved some people are

[–]MisirterE 49 points50 points  (12 children)

A lot of the depravity is already being realized, the main problem is that under most circumstances you can't really get together enough funding and talent to piece together a good proper weird fetish game if it isn't almost entirely text-based.

You know, most of the time.

[–]thoggins 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That's what I mean though. Once the "funding" is just a matter of having the right hardware (and that bar always eventually comes down to something the consumer can afford, though it sometimes can take a while) and the "talent" is just the AI model, the depravity we see now will seem like the age of enlightenment by comparison

[–]HandoAlegra 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Size changing mechanics

Is this supposed to be an inflation kink game?

[–]neagah[🍰] 36 points37 points  (1 child)

A fan would probably do a far better job than this

[–]-Cheeki-Breeki- 89 points90 points  (0 children)

(Share the load)

[–]enkae7317 578 points579 points  (47 children)

Meme aside, jesus christ this graphics is like PlayStation 3 level quality holy shit. Probably even close to nintendo Wii levels.

[–]MattVanAndel 309 points310 points  (18 children)

It’s even worse than that. Watch some of the videos with the human characters… it is hilariously bad.

[–]Victor_Wembanyama1 123 points124 points  (1 child)

No i dont think i will.

I’ll just browse this sub

[–]RCRDC 65 points66 points  (0 children)

PS3 graphics look photorealistic compared to this tbf

[–]BloodprinceOZ 421 points422 points  (25 children)

people should know this shit was announced in march of 2019 for a release in 2021, then it got delayed to 2022 after the studio partnered with Nacon to co-publish, in may of 2022 they announced a september 2022 release date, 2 months later in july 2022 they delayed it again to may 2023 and now has released.

they had a year and half of extra development time and this shit looks like this and reportedly has lots of bug problems to boot.

nevermind the fact that they're releasing 4 DLC alongside the release of the game, 1 is an artbook thing, which is kinda understandable for a game to do, but the other 3 are things that should've been in the game itself, 1 is an emote pack that lets you say "My Precious" and do some emotes (singleplayer game btw), the other lets the elves actually speak elvish (like actual LOTR elvish replacing their regular dialogue) and then the last one unlocks a lore menu, which looks like shit and reads as if AI wrote it, and they're still charging you 50 dollars for the initial game, and now they're charging like 15 dollars for all these DLC

[–]BedlamiteSeer 230 points231 points  (20 children)

This has to be a money laundering scheme. There's no fucking way.

[–]noyoto 132 points133 points  (16 children)

It's a relatively small developer that put out some excellent 2D games. But they were not prepared to take on a task as big as this and probably had no way to back out once they realized that they couldn't deliver.

They should have started off with some less ambitious 3D games before tackling such a major franchise with a 60 dollar price tag.

[–]mistaoolala 46 points47 points  (7 children)

But why would they be given a deal for a major franchise with no experience?

[–]noyoto 40 points41 points  (2 children)

I guess overconfidence and a heck of a sales pitch.

[–]SeverenDarkstar 223 points224 points  (4 children)

I literally thought this was some made up AI shit

[–]TonySu 130 points131 points  (2 children)

What? My AI generated Gollum giving head looks way better than this.

[–]TheCatGirl139 154 points155 points  (3 children)

This… looks like a mobile game ad…

[–]ebac7 123 points124 points  (2 children)

Lvl 1 Gollum vs Lvl 30 Orc

Only 5% can beat it 😍

[–]FiveAccountsBanned 57 points58 points  (1 child)

"He won't last 5 minutes doing this!"

Can you?😏

[–]Delski28 61 points62 points  (1 child)

This isn't Gollum, this is actually Crazy frog.


[–]Coala_ 59 points60 points  (11 children)

With an RTX 3070 as the recommended GPU. Wtf. Are game devs just not optimizing their games anymore? This is 2010 graphics and the minimum and recommended specs should reflect that.

[–]seriouschris 40 points41 points  (9 children)

Wtf. Are game devs just not optimizing their games anymore?

It's definitely a trend lately. A shitty, greedy, lazy trend.

[–]wheelerdealer1999 52 points53 points  (2 children)

Gollum? That's not Gollum. That's a rejected ghoul from Fallout

[–]da_muffin_man_12 42 points43 points  (22 children)

Is it easier to list the number of AAA games that haven't flopped this year?

[–]ulvain 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Is he played by Fred Armisen?

[–]knightress_oxhide 15 points16 points  (0 children)

believe it or not, right to jail

[–]Shhammalammadingdong 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Why tf does Gollum have Lloyd Christmas’s haircut??

[–]DonViper666 16 points17 points  (0 children)

When is Gollum not Gollum?

When he has his head between a Orcs legs, he’s a Goblin.

[–]OnlyRoke 18 points19 points  (0 children)

G..Gollum is the Glizzy Gulper?

[–]darksundown 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Because it's my birthday, and I wants it.

[–]Be-ambivalent 36 points37 points  (0 children)

The head special “Goblin gobbler” guaranteed to make you want to pay me something precious!😉

[–]Cjgraham3589 15 points16 points  (1 child)

HOW are they charging full price for this?…I had a reminder set for this game & ignored it for the last year until this week. Idk why but it makes me think of the graphics for the Daxter (Jak) PSP spinoff….and yet these are still worse.

[–]Aliusja1990 79 points80 points  (0 children)

This games actually great because so far its given so much memes. The meme potential is just top tier. And thats all its got going 😂