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The absence of Quidditch and its decreasing frequency over the films is a disappointing trend. by AmiablePenguin in harrypotter

[–]politicalstuff 122 points123 points  (0 children)

Even if it didn’t advance the plot it would still be worth including. Imagine how dull and lifeless movies would be if they could only include things that specifically advance the plot. Particularly in Harry Potter where the little atmospheric details and small details are what make it so magical.

One of my biggest faults with the movies is they never let you just sit with a scene and drink in the atmosphere after the third one. It’s just rushing from one bulleted list plot point to the next.

As to people who complain the movies are too long, are you kidding? They’re two hours. Dedicated fans will sit through a longer movie than that multiple times and pay you for it. Amazing they didn’t realize this seeing people throw money to watch four hour Lord of the Rings movies.

He who must not be named by askari125 in harrypotter

[–]UltHamBro 284 points285 points  (0 children)

He pulled Harry’s wand from his pocket and began to trace it through the air, writing three shimmering words:

TOM ERIK POSSY

Then he waved the wand once, and the letters of his name rearranged themselves:

MISTER SPOOKY

Unobservant Narrator by cpokorskRavenclaw in harrypotter

[–]JungleJim_ 643 points644 points 322433& 18 more (0 children)

I want a version where he treats it like an elaborate joke up to and including Cedric's death. Like he just spends all of books 4-7 expecting Cedric to jump out of the nearest closet every time he's going up a staircase at Hogwarts. He's chuckling and scoffing under his breath all through Cedric's funeral. People start dropping like a Tarantino movie after Dumbledore's "death" and he's just waiting for them to pop back up after the prank's all done. It's gotten to the point that it's basically an extreme LARP in his head now, and everyone's just taking it way more seriously than he is. But because he's the boy of legend and he's literally destined to defeat Voldemort, shit just kinda works out for him anyway, so he keeps lucking his way into all the Ws he takes during the series thinking it's a joke the entire time. All of his friends and enemies alike assume he is merely a remorseless psychopath who revels in the death and suffering of others. He's fighting the Death Eaters for real cackling like a madman, whooping and guffawing, throwing out "deadly incantations" from his "magic wand", wounding, crippling, or outright killing friend and foe with equal opportunity. He cannot be bested in combat, and he knows neither love nor mercy. He only knows madness, having long ago been twisted and corrupted by the waiting for a punchline that would never arrive.

The story's events otherwise unfold mostly as expected. Harry, Ron, and Hermione venture to destroy the Horcruxes, confront the Death Eaters during the final battle at Hogwarts. Voldemort makes his ultimatum; Harry can either give himself up, or he and all of his Death Eaters will destroy Hogwarts. Never one to balk at a challenge, Harry confronts his nemesis in the Dark Forest, alone. Because Harry won with literal dumb luck in the actual story, things go about as they would no matter where Harry and Voldemort fought. The Elder Wand backfires on Ol' Voldy as soon as their spells clash, reducing him to dust instantly. The day is saved, hurrah.

He waits for everyone to come out and congratulate him on the raddest 11th birthday party of all time, but for some reason, nobody ever does. He merely assumes that their game is then not finished, and thus, he continues to wait. The Wizard World celebrates with a heavy heart, grateful to their madness-stricken tyrannical wizard king for finally bringing them peace, but he never breaks away from its insidious tendrils. Harry is a broken husk of a man, cheery and upbeat, always waiting for his friends to return so they can finish their adventure. He cannot function in regular society. As a reward for his heroics, the remaining leadership of Hogwarts gives Harry a little shack out by the forest's edge, where he's taken care of by Hagrid. But Harry is unwittingly the rightful heir and owner of all three of the Deathly Hallows now, and the only living descendant of the Brothers Peverell, and thus, the only man capable of forever cheating death. Harry Potter has become an immortal, a madman god both vicious and childlike.

Hagrid does the best he can to take care of Harry. Giants live a long time, and Hagrid's half-giant blood keeps him kicking around for a few decades longer than you'd expect your average human to. He doesn't understand why Harry retains so much of his youth, chalking it up to some other boy of legend magical nonsense that he never had the education to understand, but he takes care of him all the same, until his own body is too old and worn out to do it anymore. After almost a century together, Hagrid finally passes away, leaving only a string of further disinterested groundskeepers to fill his place, each one become more inexperienced and disinterested than the last, Harry turning into little more a burden for them, another chore to complete. They feed him and scrub him and clean his clothes, and all the while he smiles and babbles on about all of the friends who are coming back for him and all the adventures they're planning for him. After so many centuries, the legend of Harry Potter fades entirely, and after another great war destroys most of the rest of the world, Wizarding or otherwise, Hogwarts becomes defunct. The Dark Forest's odious, reaching vines twist out around it like the rotten hand of a decaying corpse, reclaiming the territory locked away from it for thousands of years. There is nobody left to take care of Hogwarts. There is nobody left to take care of Harry.

Months become years, years become decades, decades becomes centuries, and centuries become millennia. All time has long since lost its meaning to the one once known as Harry Potter. The madness that claimed his mind in his youth has long since become all that's left in between fragmented memories of a glorious life he once knew. With both the Hallows and the intense, raw, latent power hidden within him as the one destined to defeat the greatest villain the world had ever known, Harry has become one with the magic, a being of great power and influence, though there is no rhyme or reason to whatever madman's whimsy has his ear day to day. He has no memory of who he is, name long since forgotten. Even the names of the friends who are still supposedly coming to go on more adventures with him have been long forgotten. He spends his days wandering around the forest with his Hallows at his side, using his eternal invisibility cloak to avoid its creatures as he wanders the woods searching for clues to some grand game he's long since lost the plot of, long before he even lost any grip on the passage of time. He lives in the blurred gaps between here and there and then and now. At a point, he's lived in the Dark Forest so long that it's no longer called that, and he's been there since before even its oldest trees were mere seedlings. He has become one with the wood.

One day, while out on a stroll, he runs across two stout, hairy-toed fellows in a scrape with a furious old tree spirit, an angry old willow tree, and it catches for just a moment on the wisp of some old memory, one of two young boys running for their life from a similar creature what seems like a hundred forgotten lifetimes ago. The corrupted remnants of his sanity struggle to make sense of the scene before him for just a moment, before he springs into action to save the two plucky young lads in order to play his part. His friends have finally returned. The great game is back on.

The two adventurers approach to thank him for his assistance, and they ask the old man his name. He stares into his reflection by the riverside, deep in thought. Ancient voices swim and howl inside of his mind as he digs deep into the vast chasm of his mind to try and recall his name, but he can come up with nothing. Shadows dance about the aged reflection beaming back at him from the river's edge: he doesn't know this person who looks at him from beneath the water, but the silhouettes of faces long forgotten dance about the water's surface. Visages twist just beyond his vision, of a wizened headmaster with a voice both gentle and full of fiery determination, of a weathered hound of a man with his face drawn gaunt and sharp by hardship, an old groundskeeper with more love than he knew what to do with, but none manage to bubble to the surface. The images and voices are all to indistinct to make out.

"My... name?"

The answer eludes him, slipping in between the grip of his sanity's shattered teeth.

But deep from within, in a place the wretch that once bore the unfortunate title of "The Boy Who Lived" had long since forgotten of, a faint whisper rasps loud and clear in the endless hurricane of his mind's eye. His eyes go wide as, for the first time in longer than he could ever possibly care to figure out, the storm within him finally calms. The dark thing stirs within him, left undisturbed and dormant for all these years, finally free now. He thought the game had been too easy. It all made sense now.

Through the tangled, bushy beard, a wicked, strangely serpentine grin cracks his face in two, and he lets out a peal of cruel laughter. He thumbs the aged hippogriff feather adorning the band over his hat, looking back up to face the two hairy youths once more.

"Just call me Tom."

Edit: which one of you fucking animals golded this shitpost, what's wrong with you

Edit 2: this fucking dumb shitpost fanfic is gonna get more attention than the actual writing I've posted on Reddit and I'm gonna be ethereally fucking angry

Edit 3: anyone who awards this post better do it anonymously if they don't wanna get their ass kicked

JK Rowling is going full mask off transphobic on Twitter right now by briar_allie_morgan in harrypotter

[–]Genoscythe_ 169 points170 points  (0 children)

Then again, getting a peak into the author's mind has it's own value.

Without her recent tweets, I already wondered why Rita Skeeter, a character who is illegally transforming her body to spy on children, needed to be written as having "Large mannish hands", "heavily jawed face", "a surprisingly strong grip", as well as fake hair, fake nails, fake teeth, fake everything.

Now I know.

Hogwarts Legacy – Official Reveal Trailer by hossamsalahRavenclaw in harrypotter

[–]PedalGorgon 1828 points1829 points  (0 children)

"Hello sir can I..."

"AVADA KEDAVRA"

Hogwarts Legacy – Official Reveal Trailer by hossamsalahRavenclaw in harrypotter

[–]McSmarfyRavenclaw -278 points-277 points locked comment (0 children)

>her transphobia

You should edit that to be a bit less accusatory. It seems a bit like you get your political jab in but nobody else is allowed.

Hogwarts Legacy – Official Reveal Trailer by hossamsalahRavenclaw in harrypotter

[–]Die4MyTiggers 587 points588 points 2& 5 morelocked comment (0 children)

I’m sorry but this genuinely doesn’t make sense and you should strongly reconsider.

Saying posts must be Wizarding World related definitely includes Rowling as she owns the IP. This game would not be happening without her. As much as it sucks she is intimately wrapped up you are banning legit discussion that’s related to both the game itself and the universe and canon.

Hogwarts Legacy – Official Reveal Trailer by hossamsalahRavenclaw in harrypotter

[–]makeucryalot 168 points169 points  (0 children)

“Dobby is happy to be with-“

“AVADA KEDAVRA”

Hogwarts Legacy – Official Reveal Trailer by hossamsalahRavenclaw in harrypotter

[–]vigilantcomicpenguinR A V E N C L A W 524 points525 points  (0 children)

"Welcome to Hogwarts! My name is Headmaster -"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Hogwarts Legacy – Official Reveal Trailer by hossamsalahRavenclaw in harrypotter

[–]PayneTrain181999 678 points679 points  (0 children)

“AVADA KEDAVRA”

“AVADA KEDAVRA”

Edit: Thank you for the Gold! You shall be spared .