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[–]wafflesandpancakess 5995 points5996 points 2 (55 children)

She definitely doesn't have your back

[–]nachiketajoshi 642 points643 points  (6 children)

Especially when he lost his shirt.

[–]Evil_This 184 points185 points  (3 children)

Right? This is how you 'help' someone you dislike.

[–]thegreatJLP 327 points328 points  (15 children)

Least she could've done is shave it

[–]EstebanWeird 173 points174 points  (7 children)

Lawyer up and divorce her

[–]Prying-Open-My-3rd-I 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Thought I was in r/relationships for a minute

[–]entourageffect 12.0k points12.0k points 232 (590 children)

Your wife put sunscreen on your back like you're in the friend zone with her.

[–]Spenundrum 3791 points3792 points  (530 children)

Your wife can absolutely still friendzone you.

[–]StrikeRealistic5459 3790 points3791 points  (393 children)

That patch of hair tho.

[–]Pilgarlik 2308 points2309 points  (265 children)

We need to make up a word for lower back pubes

[–]_antrix_ 5916 points5917 points 433137972& 39 more (94 children)

plumber's beard

[–]foodiefuk 629 points630 points  (8 children)

This one wins

[–]TyberiusJoaquin 215 points216 points  (1 child)

I'm here for plumbers beard

[–]SurlyDave 44 points45 points  (0 children)

In Australia, it's a called a welcome mat.

[–]Saucy_Lemur[S] 170 points171 points  (5 children)

Lol, I love it. I'm using this. I can see my wife rolling her eyes and turning away to hide a smile already.

[–]BoneHugsHominy 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My ex-girlfriend called mine a Chimp Stamp. We were Chimp and Tramp.

[–]amberkaelin 311 points312 points  (5 children)

That’s a crack patch

[–]wetsauce 349 points350 points  (16 children)

bubes... no wait

[–]JuyZuy 122 points123 points  (12 children)

your tactics confuse and frighten me sir

[–]Spock_Rocket 121 points122 points  (3 children)

Trail of tears. The happy trail is on the front.

[–]android24601 64 points65 points  (3 children)

I'm pretty sure she was distracted by the soul patch on your lower back😜

[–]Fender6187 77 points78 points  (6 children)

Back bush. The front porch to back pussy.

[–]Wrath7heFurious 169 points170 points  (5 children)

Yea I was just here for the comments about that. Like did he have a tail at some point. Are you a Saiyan?

[–]MrPajamaSam 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Maybe that's why she did what she did.

[–]LethaCoast 70 points71 points  (15 children)

That may be because of Spina bifida occulta, a small deformation of the spinal canal. Patients often have a patch of hair where the defect is.

[–]metamorphine 38 points39 points  (0 children)

She can even enemyzone you.

[–]droveby 480 points481 points  (26 children)

Uh, guys, you need to leave your wives

[–]simsimulation 55 points56 points  (6 children)

Instructions unclear. I’ve now lost my wife and can’t remember where I left her

[–]ReggaePanda7 113 points114 points  (4 children)

Not even that, friends actually protect each other

[–]triplefastaction 334 points335 points  (18 children)

He was in the friendzone before the sunscreen. If his wife loved him that absurd patch of hair would have been shaved.

[–]cra2reddit 124 points125 points  (3 children)

Was hoping someone would note that he has a happy trail aiming at his butt crack.

[–]Enjoying_A_Meal 51 points52 points  (3 children)

The back pubes?

[–]onepinksheep 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Oh, thank god. I didn't want to be the one to say it.

[–]it-never-ends-ever 2367 points2368 points  (16 children)

Jazz cup tan very 90s.

[–]Epic_Elite 142 points143 points  (3 children)

My thoughts!

[–]it-never-ends-ever 84 points85 points  (2 children)

I used get annoyed when that happened to me like “sob stole my line!” Now I love it when stranger thinks like I do it’s comforting.

[–]psychpostie 1438 points1439 points  (19 children)

At least she didn't draw a cock and balls

[–]born_again_tim 1332 points1333 points 22 (9 children)

Sack hair already there

[–]Bahunter22 89 points90 points  (0 children)

Huge missed opportunity.

[–]prsply3n 14 points15 points  (0 children)

My man’s growing a tail

[–]MonstaGraphics 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sack hair? This guy is rocking vagina bush on his back.

[–]arielanything 164 points165 points  (0 children)

After seeing this picture, she might in the future lmao.

[–]boozie92 144 points145 points  (0 children)

I did this to my brother back when we were both in High School. I just sprayed his back not paying attention while we were clearing the yard over the weekend.

Fast forward a day or so to Football practice, he takes his shirt off in the heat. Coach called him over and told him he had a Sunburn that looked like a dick on his back. I had the hardest time trying to sincerely admit it was an accident because I was laughing too hard.

[–]joshypoo 680 points681 points  (38 children)

This happened to me recently (not my wife, she's in oncology and lays it on my Irish ass like spackle).

But I was burned so bad I seriously considered putting a mini paint roller in my beach bag so I can just do it myself in the future.

[–]slicklady 223 points224 points  (8 children)

I've seen a photo of a woman at the beach doing just that. The roller looked like it would work quite well.

[–]earthdweller11 23 points24 points  (6 children)

At home If no one’s around to do it I use the back of a huge cooking spoon (that I only use for that) to put sunscreen (or just lotion) on my back. Works surprisingly well once you get used to it!

[–]rawwrrob 199 points200 points  (16 children)

Most people just rub a little sunblock on and call it good for the day. You actually need to reapply it every 1-2 hours normally and immediately after swimming to get full protection. Last time I was Disney World, I made sure to reapply sunblock regularly and never burned after spending 10-12 hours a day in summer sunlight for a week. And I'm pale AF too.

[–]MotherFuckingCupcake 32 points33 points  (0 children)

As another pale AF person whose mom’s entire generation of our family has gotten skin cancer(5 people), I apply it EXTREMELY liberally any time I’ll be in sunlight for more than 10 minutes.

[–]the_sky_is_on_fire 62 points63 points  (3 children)

Wise words! This is truth. I went to the beach a few years ago and didn't swim and thought one application was enough. That got me the worst burn I've had in my life, the crying while applying lotion/unable to wear clothes kind. Will never forget.

[–]ToBadImNotClever 24 points25 points  (1 child)

I had one like this is a kid. Back boiled up. The burns went deep. My sister playfully jumped on my back without thinking and ripped tons of skin off. I passed out from the pain. Couldn’t go to school for two weeks because I couldn’t wear a shirt. The first week back was miserable.

[–]JetpackYoshi 2956 points2957 points  (206 children)

As a guy who also has that lower back hair and never thought anything of it, reading these comments has made me go "Well cool, that's a new thing for me to be insecure about".

Edit: Haha y'all are very sweet and supportive. I already trim this area (and well... everything for that matter. I've been blessed with all the wrong hair genes) but I had no idea that it wasn't a normal thing.

[–]rjcarr 325 points326 points  (11 children)

I have hair coverage over like 95% of my body, but for some reason my lower back hair is just "normal" and not thick. It's like the only thing I don't feel insecure about. :)

[–]Matt_Sterbate710 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the smiley face at the end. It really helps out. :(

[–]Saucy_Lemur[S] 222 points223 points 2 (18 children)

Right. I used to be insecure about it until I met my wife. She told me she thought it was cute. Probably a white lie to stop me from being insecure about it, but it worked.

[–]ForRolls 106 points107 points  (1 child)

Despite the fact that her sunscreen applications skills are wanting, sounds like you have a good wife.

[–]SmuttyBookLover 305 points306 points  (30 children)

Try not to worry too much. Many of us don't care in the slightest. My man has it and it's no big deal. If you want you could have someone shave it but it's really not necessary.

[–]violent_crayon 174 points175 points  (2 children)

"have someone shave it" Just not this dudes wife.

[–]EskimowGamer 416 points417 points  (28 children)

Yeah, I was born with Spina bifida (causes the same hair growth as OP and is probably what he has) and this thread has been a wonderful throwback to being bullied in school. People are assholes.

[–]woah_man22 171 points172 points  (5 children)

I was also born with it brotha, I had surgery to close the hole and I have a massive scar that kids thought was my ass crack for my entire childhood. People are indeed assholes but fuck em. At least we can both walk

[–]lokishhhake 7801 points7802 points  (333 children)

Are we going to ignore the upcoming tail?

[–]No_big_whoop 2514 points2515 points  (243 children)

Faun tail is an abnormal lumbar hypertrichosis (excessive hair growth) represented by tufts of coarse terminal hair, several inches long usually manifesting as a lozenge or triangular patch in the lumbosacral area and may overlie an occult spinal abnormality

[–]Caishen_IC3 1578 points1579 points  (113 children)

Can we just call it backside landing strip? Edit: damn I wish there was a way to vote on this

[–]MachReverb 1768 points1769 points 2& 3 more (59 children)

Back pussy

[–]itsyourmomcalling 995 points996 points  (40 children)

A bussy, you might say.

[–]toinoudubois 420 points421 points  (25 children)

Bussy is already taken

[–]HouseOfAplesaus 207 points208 points  (11 children)

Maybe bussy is a multitasker.

[–]toinoudubois 77 points78 points  (10 children)

We all have a back pussy

[–]TheManRedeemed 100 points101 points  (1 child)

My vote goes to "Crerkin", which is what my wife calls mine.

It's short for "Crack Merkin" and and best of all it rhymes with "twerkin" and kinda sound like "Kraken" so you can go a couple of different ways with it depending on how you feeling when the old Gluteous Clapsimus has been let out Buttanamo Bay

[–]CaptainBlandname 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Dude has a bikini area on his back.

[–]cinderubella 311 points312 points  (11 children)

occult spinal abnormality

What, like your lower back burns awful scented candles, draws pentagrams and summons succubi whilst you're asleep?

[–]Epic_Elite 93 points94 points  (0 children)

Those are all normal occult spinal occurances. His is a case if abnormalities

[–]BillW87 91 points92 points  (5 children)

The word "occult" in a medical context means "hidden", usually as in it isn't manifesting any clinical symptoms.

[–]frustratedpolarbear 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Weird because anyone dabbling in the occult is usually absolutely doing their best to manifest something.

[–]BillW87 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Yeah, I'm not a linguist but my best guess would be that they're both starting from the common thread of something being "unseen" or "mysterious" and then taking it in different directions (supernatural vs hidden)

[–]willisbar 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Is that bad? I thought it was a little weird, but just kinda let it happen so they didn’t get mad and hurt me again.

[–]choatec 112 points113 points  (15 children)

Ya can be a sign of spina bifida occulta. Also might just be a hairy dude.

[–]HouseOfAplesaus 171 points172 points  (19 children)

Are ya’ll fucking kidding me right now. Is this like how that reporter lady had her thyroid cancer spotted by a viewer that was a Dr.?

[–]PolkadotPiranha 123 points124 points  (17 children)

No. This is just lowe back hair. It doesn't look anything like faun tail.

[–]Devi1_May_Cry 91 points92 points  (10 children)

"Faun tail"? If they wanted people to take it seriously, they shouldn't call one of the symptoms something the denizens of Narnia would bitch about, like "Centaur hoof."

[–]Saucy_Lemur[S] 113 points114 points  (27 children)

wow, interesting!

[–]Nivius 74 points75 points  (0 children)

comes to reddit for yesman about wifes poor sunblock help.

get proper medical help that is good to know for future reference

[–]sexinmydrawer 394 points395 points  (24 children)

You may have occult spinal dysraphism (also known as tethered cord or occult spina bifida). This type of hair patch is really common with that condition. If you suffer from back and leg pain, weakness, or sensory loss or from stuff like frequent UTI or bladder or bowel function, you should consider getting it looked at! There are corrective surgeries in some cases! Best of luck to you!

[–]ballrus_walsack 209 points210 points  (4 children)

Came for the snark. Left with some backside medical knowledge.

[–]DeliciousFeet 175 points176 points  (3 children)

my neck, my back, lick my pussy and my occult spina bifida.

[–]funktheduck 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I click on a random reddit post and I find out I might have spinda bifida

[–]Atta_gal 19 points20 points  (7 children)

Hey I have this and looked it up.. I do also have the birthmark spot there. If I've never had any problems do I still need to look into it?

[–]sexinmydrawer 33 points34 points  (5 children)

So I wouldn’t worry too much when you’re asymptomatic, but things could get worse over time so I would just monitor it as you get older.

For my friend who had it, she was asymptomatic for 25 years but then started having a hard time peeing all the way and had some leg numbness that got worse and worse in her late 20s. Releasing the tethered cord completely alleviated these issues.

[–]Atta_gal 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Ahh I see thanks for the insight! Appreciate it

[–]Snippy_Snallygaster 35 points36 points  (6 children)

Occult? A witch gave him back bush?

[–]RustyBoon 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Its a lumbar goatee

[–]justdic 63 points64 points  (0 children)

It’s a back soul patch

[–]MarkWalburg 50 points51 points  (3 children)

The unhappy trail, if you will.

[–]Acey_pilot 3938 points3939 points 2 (165 children)

That lower back hair indicates you were nearly a "spina bifida" baby, meaning that you could have been born with your lower spine protruding. During late term pregnancy, the fetus can correct by moving scalp skin cells down to cover it. Bodies are pretty cool! My ex-wife had it too.

[–]Orodia 531 points532 points  (17 children)

He could still have spina bifida. Its called spina bifida occulta where there is only a gap in the vertebrae not an opening in the skin or exposed spinal column. Its an easy to miss diagnosis.

[–]whycats 89 points90 points  (0 children)

My boyfriend was born with this. No one knew he had Spina Bifida until he was like 6 and could walk around in the snow without boots and not feel the cold. He spent most of first grade in the hospital after multiple spinal surgeries.

[–]Bob_Sconce 105 points106 points  (3 children)

What's the disease where your entire pelvis could have been protruding? Because I think I almost had that.

[–]Samson-Nite 152 points153 points  (1 child)

Dead 😂

[–]QueerWorf 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That's interesting. I learned something new

[–]Team-CCP 1851 points1852 points 3 (28 children)

I have that! I’ve always called it my gay treasure trail. I’m not gay but it’s nice to know they have a welcum mat if they need it. My normal treasure trail I refer to as the trail of tears since it usually leads to sadness and disappointment vs treasure.

Spina bifida. Crazy.

[–]uhmerikin 715 points716 points  (3 children)

welcum mat

Well, that caught me off guard.

[–]goldenlover 76 points77 points  (0 children)

That was good. So good in fact I might have to add it to my repertoire of silly names.

Edit: damn you guys are creative.

[–]czar_el 28 points29 points  (0 children)

called it my gay treasure trail

In my family it's called "weird beard", from a comment my dad got from a friend in his 20's.

[–]ZerynAcay 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I feel like this is a normal conversation with yourself in your head. I dig it.

[–]TheZildo 45 points46 points  (1 child)

That’s your mangina pubic hair.

[–]extisis 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Gay treasure trail. 3 words I never knew would be combined one day.

[–]Chiperoni 289 points290 points  (12 children)

Lower back hair is not an indication for neural tube defects unless its a localized tuft overlying the midline lower back.

[–]Sean_man_87 210 points211 points  (7 children)

Thank you for posting this. The hair in the picture is normal and not an indication of anything. 5 seconds of Google images confirmed this.

[–]tayman12 91 points92 points  (3 children)

I'm an expert on lower back hair and I'm pretty sure that hair is from demons

[–]mejelic 50 points51 points  (6 children)

Do you have any source on this for adults? This is true for infants, but nothing that I can find says it is true for adults.

[–]Chiperoni 42 points43 points  (0 children)

It’s not. Unless its a focal area right over the spine. Usually the hair looks unlike other body hair too.

[–]Acey_pilot 20 points21 points  (1 child)

My ex had the condition, her mother is a doctor and she explained it in this way. The hair was long and silky and same color as on her head.

[–]WingedSalim 20 points21 points  (0 children)

And here I thought he put on his pubic hair backwards.

[–]Schwarzebombe1903 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Well this certainly explains why there is mostly hair on my lower back. Thanks factman!

[–]howdoyouspace 153 points154 points  (3 children)

Looking like a skin cancer pop tart

[–]Son-Tzu 399 points400 points  (68 children)

Spraying alone does not protect, For true protection one must rub and absorb into skin

[–]Rulmeq 84 points85 points  (35 children)

Honestly, that's half the fun of applying it! How could she not want to?

[–]schplat 70 points71 points  (4 children)

So you're saying it rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again?

[–]_dauntless 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Yeah OP and his wife can't follow instructions

[–]JuniorBRM 586 points587 points  (36 children)

Everybody shitting on your reverse happy trail but I just wanna say nice lats bro, u lookin wide af

[–]SquatnastyMcPoot 221 points222 points  (5 children)

I like that soul patch tramp stamp 👍

[–]selfish_king 125 points126 points  (3 children)

Dude, your pubes are on backwards

[–]snoryder8019 48 points49 points  (0 children)

is that low back or high butt hair?

[–]Majestic_Salad_I1 59 points60 points  (8 children)

Alllways wipe in spray sunscreen. Never just spray and be done with it.

Also, never use spray sunscreen.

[–]bridbrad 31 points32 points  (2 children)

My boyfriend left a handprint with long fingers on my back 😡

[–]Devi1_May_Cry 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Are you dating Slender Man?

[–]cnordholm 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Post this on /r/roastme... oh wait too late

[–]Saucy_Lemur[S] 82 points83 points  (38 children)

This was the last of the spray bottle and didn't spray as much or as wide.