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[–]SOLIDSNAKETOM 5879 points5880 points  (149 children)

I love gooooooold. The look of it, the tAste of it, The shhh-mel!...

[–]VDCLXXVIII 1063 points1064 points  (88 children)

I'll take the bong and the blintze plzzz

[–]aproneship 466 points467 points  (60 children)

His faashaa

[–]TheCrazyAlice 222 points223 points  (42 children)

Oooh somebody has daddy issues!

[–]DoJax 283 points284 points  (36 children)

In the spring we'd make meat helmets, when I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really.

[–]Mortegro 227 points228 points  (17 children)

My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark...

Edit: Great thanks to the user who corrected me. It inspired me to look up the direct quote and do it justice here.

[–]McBrodoSwagins 144 points145 points  (14 children)

My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloé with webbed feet

[–]Pm-ur-butt 89 points90 points  (11 children)

Sometimes, my father would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament

[–]BGC2020 22 points23 points  (7 children)

I’m just realizing now how genius these lines were. Not that they weren’t hilarious before but my god lol

[–]tehdweeb 80 points81 points  (4 children)

There's nothing quite as beautiful as a pair of shorn testicles, you should try it.

[–]Oakie12 64 points65 points  (0 children)

It's actually quite breathtaking.

[–]NotADoctor06 26 points27 points  (1 child)

only if they have been RITUALISTICALLY shaved.

[–]girlchef 54 points55 points  (1 child)

Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons.

[–]pawel_the_barbarian 45 points46 points  (5 children)

I used to use that speech on tinder when girls asked about me and where I'm from lol

[–]PossibleDrive6747 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Nothing could be my father from the truth!

[–]jackruby83 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I don't speak freaky deaky Dutch.

[–]Psyteq 151 points152 points  (12 children)

Shmoke and a pancake?

[–]jason_bman 90 points91 points  (1 child)

How bout no, ya crazy Dutch bastard!

[–]itheraeld 123 points124 points  (3 children)

Cigar and a crepe? No? Den dere ish no pleashing you..

[–]fuckitweredoingitliv 64 points65 points  (1 child)

cigar and a waffle/pipe and a crepe

[–]thelastlogin 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Bong and a blintz? No?

[–]starrpamph 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Hish vinky ish definitely a key...

[–]GoldPheer 146 points147 points  (1 child)

"Unfortunate shhmelting accident"

[–]HinataLovelace 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Golden showers!

[–]UndeadPhysco 128 points129 points  (4 children)

Listen here, there are two things in this world i can't stand.

  • People who are intolerant of other peoples cultures.

  • And the Dutch.

[–]LouSputhole94 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You have a toight body, I can tell from your toight pants. Yes, you’re toight like a toiga

[–]alcaste19 127 points128 points  (10 children)

peels off a flake of skin

[–]getinthevan315 90 points91 points  (7 children)

Ooh this one’s a keeper!

[–]Sofa__King__Cool 42 points43 points  (3 children)

Mmm yes, shalty, yes.

[–]itheraeld 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Somebody! Shave me from myshelf..

[–]rangoonwrangler 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I am from Holland, ishnt that VEIRD!

[–]thebendavis 51 points52 points  (4 children)

How 'bout NO! Ya crazy Dutch bastard!

[–]Solut1on 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You are toight like a toiger

[–]Holeshot75 6425 points6426 points  (396 children)

Wow

That is beyond ugly.

[–]Samothrace_ 2245 points2246 points  (204 children)

So gaudy

[–]AwesomeBrainPowers 2176 points2177 points  (132 children)

Money can't buy taste.

[–]chiphchopchip 1859 points1860 points  (103 children)

Trump is a poor persons version of a rich person, gold everything...

[–]draculamilktoast 1423 points1424 points  (13 children)

Especially the showers.

[–]Iampepeu 187 points188 points  (7 children)

Ba-dum tss!

[–]aplarsen 293 points294 points  (6 children)

More like ba-dum piss, amirite?

[–]CancerSpidey 14 points15 points  (0 children)

More like da bum kiss, amarite?

[–]happy2beherenow 148 points149 points  (20 children)

His grandpa owned a salloon in the yukon.. traded nuggets for pussy upstairs

[–]ttyyuu12345 103 points104 points  (16 children)

What’s sad is you may be accurate, prostitution really kept the towns of the Wild West running and actually helped build crucial things such as public works and schools.

[–]Octaro 114 points115 points  (8 children)

In Seattle, Madame Lou and her whores had the single highest public works contribution until Bill Gates made one as a billionaire.

[–]ChemicaRegem 145 points146 points  (4 children)

Um excuse me, you mean Madame Lou and her SEAMSTRESSES. At one point seamstress was the number one female occupation in the city. Nothing illegal about sewing these clothes. Nosiree. Nothing to see if you’re a fed, move along now while I take this gentleman upstairs to fix the inseam on his trousers.

[–]T-Minus9 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Just in case you wanted to know:

The guy going upstairs was "sowing his seed in her fertile fields". The seamstress was "sewing his trousers"

[–]Wereno 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Madam, as a member of the IRS, I notice a large amount of registered seamstresses in Seattle. Widely disproportionate to other major cities. Yet also, per capita, Seattle purchases far fewer needles and far less thread. Also, while it has been a trend in major cities, I've never once seen a sale of a single sewing machine.

[–]ChemicaRegem 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey, you don’t need a needle for the kind of pricking we’re doing.

[–]Narren_C 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He just HAD to show up the whores.

[–]TheOneTonWanton 30 points31 points  (4 children)

They are accurate, Friedrich Trump ran a brothel in the Yukon.

[–]LLLLoser 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Donald Trump is not a rich man, he's what a hobo imagines a rich man to be. It's like Trump was walking under an underpass, and he heard a guy say, "Oh, as soon as my number comes in, I'm going to put up tall buildings with my name on them. I'll have fine golden hair. And a TV show where I fire Gene Simmons with my children." And Trump was like, "That is how I will live my life." When he makes a decision he must think to himself, "what would a cartoon rich person do? Oh, run for President."
-John Mulaney

[–]BossRedRanger 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He’s an asshole’s version rather. This is gaudy bullshit and he grew up rich.

[–]deeringc 104 points105 points  (7 children)

I can assure you there is absolutely no actual gold in that whole room.

[–]Ok_Emu9648 45 points46 points  (4 children)

I pay over two thousand dollars in taxes a year and live in a 1967 mobile home. but my Dad's worn gold service ring from WWII is worth more to me than his whole house.

[–]goomba01 43 points44 points  (7 children)

Perhaps that is the shade he was trying to achieve when choosing the color of his make-up?

[–]Dragon_yum 93 points94 points  (29 children)

As a rule of thumb the people who really are rich don’t fee the need to flaunt that they are rich.

[–]username--_-- 26 points27 points  (1 child)

can comfirm. i'm poor and i try to look rich

[–]lawstudent2 48 points49 points  (20 children)

I’ve heard this so many times. It’s total bullshit. I know a number of billionaires and a lot of very wealthy people - many really, really do flaunt it. $20M apartments, 45,000 square foot homes on 500 acres in Westchester, insane beach houses in the hamptons, yachts, cars, absurdly expensive designer clothing - and this is new and old money alike.

It’s a nice thought, but bullshit.

[–]franker 14 points15 points  (2 children)

there is a kind of difference. I live in south Florida, there are 2 counties with lots of rich people for contrast - Palm Beach and Martin. In Palm Beach you probably know of Boca Raton which has lots of people like you just described flaunting their wealth openly. In Martin, the main city is Stuart. You've probably never heard of it, because they live all tucked away in huge estates around golf courses, and and they're not apparent from the few main roads that are around. Near the main road they have simple art fairs and festivals and a plain regular mall (think of what the town in Gilmore Girls looks like). They commonly fight against all kinds of commercial development that would make the place look "rich", all kinds of zoning restrictions, because they (the "old money") just don't want the attention.

[–]Dragon_yum 19 points20 points  (3 children)

My point is not that they don’t have huge houses or expensive things, it’s about them needing to show it to the world.

[–]BecauseItWasThere 101 points102 points  (7 children)

But it can buy Slovenian women apparently

[–]happy2beherenow 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Hes a freeloader off his ancestors

[–]MajorLazy 38 points39 points  (0 children)

And us, the taxpayers

[–]snaky69 49 points50 points  (12 children)

English isn’t my first language, I’d love a word for over-the-top gaudy. For now I’ll settle for gaudy as fuck.

[–]KnottShore 64 points65 points  (4 children)

Maybe "garish".

adjective

  • crudely or tastelessly colorful, showy, or elaborate, as clothes or decoration.
  • excessively ornate or elaborate, as buildings or writings.
  • dressed in or ornamented with bright colors.
  • excessively bright; glaring.

[–]kellydean1 34 points35 points  (0 children)

How about "trumpy"?

[–]MelodicSasquatch 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I find the word gaudy already means over-the-top ostentatious in my ears, but your suggestion still works in this case.

[–]SebasCbass 46 points47 points  (4 children)

So Ghadafi

[–]luminousbeing9 96 points97 points  (2 children)

Fun fact; when Gaddafi traveled to the US over a decade ago, nobody was willing to let him stay on their property.

Well;almost nobody

[–]Deathbyhours 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I did not know this. Jeebus save us.

[–]jeremyxt 88 points89 points  (24 children)

You’re not kiddin’.

I was going to say,”gaudy trash”.

Say, is this all a joke? Does he really have that bad a taste?

[–]theDreadAlarm 210 points211 points  (6 children)

Have you seen his hair and complexion? Have you heard him speak? The man is bad taste personified.

[–]kts262 132 points133 points  (8 children)

The man orders his steak well done and with ketchup.

So yes he really does have bad taste.

[–]GuyanaFlavorAid 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I was absolutely horrified by that above all else. It's a level of crazy I cant begin to understand.

[–]HornyHandyman69 38 points39 points  (5 children)

It would look much better with more marble columns!

[–]RonaldRaygun2024 605 points606 points  (61 children)

McMansionHell did a great run down of Trump's NYC penthouse.

Most of the furniture and fittings are actually pretty cheap, shitty knockoffs bought from shopping magazines. It's all gilded crap made to show off to people who don't look below the surface.

[–]killer8424 422 points423 points  (29 children)

So like literally everything else about him?

[–]hereforthefeast 180 points181 points  (24 children)

[–]Narren_C 145 points146 points  (11 children)

What a weird man.

[–]SquidHat2006 48 points49 points  (6 children)

Entire books have been written about him and you managed to sum him up succinctly in a single sentence.

[–]emejim 68 points69 points  (0 children)

Had Obama done something like this, Fox News would be calling it CakeGate.

[–]killer8424 15 points16 points  (2 children)

He’s ridiculously obsessed with Obama.

[–]-SpeedForce 10 points11 points  (1 child)

From the moment Obama openly roasted him at the correspondents dinner 'til now it's been all about revenge.

[–]ParrotMafia 46 points47 points  (2 children)

[–]2livecrewnecktshirt 46 points47 points  (0 children)

This comment on the article is one of the best things I've read in a while

"That living room reminds me of the way Dean Koontz carefully describes his characters' houses to give the reader an idea of what they have going on upstairs, so to speak.

He knew that the world was aware of his love for gold, and it pleased him. But none of the little scurrying ants who now and then tried to bite him (how dare they!) or resist being stepped on (how dare they!) seemed to have spotted the real reason for the shine. He settled himself on the white and gold couch and began the ritual.

He looked up. There he was, shining in the mirrors on the ceiling. There was his face--eternally young and strong--shining among the gods who frolicked around his chandeliers. He looked down. There he was, shining in the perfectly clean tempered glass of the table, the perfectly polished marble floor. He glanced to left and right. His face glowed richly in the mirrors behind the wall sconces, faintly in the windows. Shining, shining, his face eternally shining. He filled the world. He was the world.

He stood up and strode forth to--well, whatever he did, it would be something, really the greatest."

[–]NopeItsDolan 53 points54 points  (12 children)

Saddam Hussein did the same thing in his palaces.

[–]RonaldRaygun2024 43 points44 points  (9 children)

It's a pretty popular style among Middle Eastern middle and upper class. Not so much for an old money Manhattan real estate mogul.

[–]PersonalPlanet 173 points174 points  (7 children)

Ewww.Very Middle Eastern Sheikh

[–]purplecurtain16 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's what i thought. They have gaudy af style

[–]bobbydishes 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Influenced by their funders

[–]Squeal_Piggy 41 points42 points  (3 children)

Painful on the eyes, maybe 500 years ago it would be nice but cmon bruh

[–]NotTheRocketman 88 points89 points  (19 children)

I would literally melt that all down and sell it for scrap.

Fucking hideous.

[–]KhunDavid 259 points260 points  (17 children)

I'm sure it's all gold leaf. You probably would get $750 dollars for it.

[–]extrobe 137 points138 points  (3 children)

So ... like a fake tan for furniture? Very fitting :)

[–]bradygilg 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't call it fake since ALL gilding is like that. It's basically a color of paint.

[–]iNetRunner 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Gilding is usually real gold (vs paint etc.), but it is incredibly thin. So there isn’t enough mass/material to separate. I.e. you couldn’t get it separeted from the glue used to attach it (and lacquered over).

The real expense is in manpower and skill in application. (If you like the look - I personally don’t.)

[–]NotTheRocketman 49 points50 points  (1 child)

Yeah, you're probably right. It's all superficial fake crap. Just like him.

[–]darth-agnon 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Dictator style ugly in fact

[–]Gus__Fring 27 points28 points  (3 children)

The Unabomber's cabin looks classier than this.

[–]velivica 17 points18 points  (0 children)

So uncomfortable. Ish.

[–]frog_at_well_bottom 8137 points8138 points  (532 children)

This is a little child's idea of what a rich man's house should be like. The poor architect who had to design this.

[–]joshak 2084 points2085 points  (125 children)

That poor architect probably never got paid for it either.

[–]AboutHelpTools3 755 points756 points  (23 children)

Shouldn't that be interior designer?

[–]Doctor-Sweaty 102 points103 points  (2 children)

Highly doubt Trump discriminates, for a change, when he isn't paying people.

[–]ndsa231 550 points551 points  (45 children)

What's sad is that it really isn't, this was designed by a grown ass man who is actually rich and it's not an idea. It's really pathetic. Reminds me of those rich Middle Eastern men who blow cash on the dumbest shit like gold private jets and such.

[–]Axion132 182 points183 points  (22 children)

If you dont have a gold Ferrari, is life realy worth living?

[–]kingalexander 102 points103 points  (9 children)

I gotta silver Aston Martin fuck my life

[–]Uther-Lightbringer 98 points99 points  (6 children)

How's life on food stamps?

[–]bagofbuttholes 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Life on foodstamps is better than life making just enough to disqualify from government assistance.

[–]SentientPluto_ 34 points35 points  (4 children)

If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about?

[–]-xstatic- 110 points111 points  (13 children)

He really does have the taste of an Arab Sheikh or something. And he has the mentality of one too. Backwards authoritarian douchebags.

[–]dykersville 102 points103 points  (13 children)

Is this the home of some dictator??

[–]Pandatotheface 312 points313 points  (57 children)

Not defending him or his taste, but when you remember he's in his 70s and I think about what my grandparents house looked like it's the same kind of style (just less gold everywhere obviously). The marble/white and gold theme was definitely a thing.

I could see my grandparents going for this kind of look if they wearn't working class... and dead.

[–]skeeter1234 77 points78 points  (6 children)

Also not defending him but the first thing that comes to my mind when I look at this is Versailles. Which is interesting because the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of Versailles is bloody revolution.

But it seems the Lords have gotten so good at talking that they have convinced the Serfs that there really is nothing wrong with their excess wealth.

[–]uth43 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Seems like it. His style is merely 300 years out of date 🤔

[–]appleparkfive 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Sure but do you think most of the richest people on earth live in this golden hellscape? Warren Buffett isn't young, and I can confidently say without a Google search that there's just no way

[–]The_Queef_of_England 176 points177 points  (4 children)

I think that confirms the "poor mans idea of rich".

[–]hebejebez 29 points30 points  (1 child)

His taste is what is imagine someone who's been very poor and quite old, and they win the euro millions one day.

[–]A_Change_of_Seasons 1678 points1679 points  (139 children)

Truly the home of a champion of the working class

[–]taeyang_ssaem 428 points429 points  (109 children)

How can we as a society be okay with someone making millions and paying pennies for taxes for multiple years? Someone with a house like this. We gotta stop allowing this crap to happen. We've grown apathetic about the rich getting richer while the middle class shrinks.

[–]travis01564 243 points244 points  (48 children)

We don't allow it to happen. the money they should be paying in taxes is given to politicians to let this happen. We don't have any say. The world is beyond corrupt. It's time to eat the rich.

[–]Gregonar 68 points69 points  (18 children)

It's time to eat the rich.

They're going taste horrific.

[–]travis01564 54 points55 points  (11 children)

Cook them with garlic and butter in a slow cooker. You can't go wrong.

[–]Gregonar 14 points15 points  (8 children)

Don't forget ginger if you want to mask the stench of human rot.

[–]mhol7597 2226 points2227 points  (58 children)

Proof that money can't buy you taste.

[–]Smartnership 195 points196 points  (3 children)

I owe some apologies for comments made about oil prince decor.

[–]Schemen123 72 points73 points  (11 children)

It could, if you would hire a competent interior designer and let him do his work...

[–]Chief_Givesnofucks 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but that would mean taking direction instead of always trying to be in control of shit he knows nothing about...

[–]NebXan 1342 points1343 points  (53 children)

Hey... Hey, look. Look! Look how rich I am. Does everyone see how rich I am? I need everyone to see how rich I am. Hey, don't look away! Say something about how rich I am. Please, my self esteem depends on it.

[–]MC_chrome 252 points253 points  (28 children)

I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Trump got jealous of Versailles and decided to try and one up the palace. That’s the only logical conclusion I can draw up about such an ugly establishment.

[–]LavenderSnuggles 138 points139 points  (24 children)

If you want to watch an amazing trainwreck documentary, find "The Queen of Versailles" on Netflix. A family in florida actually tried to mimic Versailles, and their fortunes turn.

[–]drainbead78 64 points65 points  (14 children)

It's kind of like the Biltmore and what it did to the Vanderbilt family. And while the Biltmore is a case study in conspicuous consumption, none of it is as tacky as that gold room.

[–]i_teach_coding_PM_me 15 points16 points  (13 children)

Is there any documentary on what the Biltmore did to the Vanderbilts? This sounds like a fascinating topic

[–]drainbead78 36 points37 points  (5 children)

It's not just the Biltmore, although that's the only one still left standing and the most expensive one. Cornelius Vanderbilt left his entire fortune to one son, who doubled it but then left it to all his kids and grandkids without any trusts or rules about what could be done with it. They all started building huge mansions and trying to one-up one another, and in two generations their fortune was mostly gone. I highly recommend a visit to the Biltmore for any American who wants to understand how dangerous it is to try to keep up with the Joneses. Plus, Asheville is a really fun place to spend a long weekend.

https://dividendrealestate.com/vanderbilt/

[–]MonteBurns 6 points7 points  (2 children)

They had to open it to tourism to keep living there, I believe.

[–]blackbasset 12 points13 points  (0 children)

A family in florida actually tried to mimic Versailles, and their fortunes turn.

Nice metaphor on America as a whole

[–]whackwarrens 47 points48 points  (7 children)

More like, 'give me money for business ventures, I'll make you rich, I know how look at how rich I am'.

They do not live in that damn place, it's a gilded set for photo ops to scam people into letting him bankrupt them with stupid ideas.

And it worked for decades. He has had a lot of bankruptcies but it's often other peoples money. That's why he can no longer get financing anywhere but from mysterious donors (Russians) faciliated through the German bank that seems to do nothing but launder money for rich people.

You know who went after the Russians for money laundering when she was secretary of state? Hilary Clinton. Gee, wonder why Trump started hating the Clintons so much after decades of being so friendly toward them. What was a President Hilary going to do? Putin and Trump really couldn't afford that.

[–]01binary 857 points858 points  (80 children)

Can you imagine how inferior you must feel to have to do something like this to make yourself feel better?

[–]YouRebelScumGuy 500 points501 points  (84 children)

This looks to have been enhanced to make it look more gold than reality allows. From a post about New York interiors from 2013:

http://www.creamylife.com/interior-design/3738/eye-candy-of-new-york-interiors.html

[–]jujukamoo 129 points130 points  (2 children)

It's strange that the picture they use is clearly a scan of a magazine spread.

[–]triceratopses 31 points32 points  (0 children)

You can see it in the movie The Devil’s Advocate, they use it as Craig T Nelson’s apartment in the film.

[–]deadleg22 258 points259 points  (11 children)

This isn't a comfortable, relaxing or enjoyable room.

[–]theartlav 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Well, if you defocus a bit it does look warm and spacious.

But the same effect can be achieved just by painting the walls orange.

[–]Kalepsis 190 points191 points  (9 children)

Tackiest shit ever. So gaudy and unrefined. He has no taste whatsoever.

I think John Mulaney said it best: "Donald Trump is like what a hobo imagines a rich man to be."

And, apparently, the hobo was hired to decorate this penthouse.

[–]draw_the_line 46 points47 points  (2 children)

“I’m not greedy. As long as I’ve got my health and my millions of dollars and my gold house and my rocket car, I don’t need anything else.” – Chester J. Lampwick

[–]nickrashell 117 points118 points  (0 children)

Ever seen a cheap gaudy vase and thought “if only that was big enough to live in...”

[–]poopadox 34 points35 points  (5 children)

That interior designer needs to be impeached!

[–]overkill 53 points54 points  (4 children)

Looks like someone has a gilt complex.

[–]AproposOFnufink 42 points43 points  (3 children)

That's a child's idea of what luxury looks like.

" I want evwyfing in GOLD"

[–]IntergalacticLoop 88 points89 points  (1 child)

This is the apartment of a person with a deep black gaping hole where their soul should be.

[–]Heres_your_sign 17 points18 points  (0 children)

That's alot of gold sharpies!

[–]A-Long-December 160 points161 points  (29 children)

Hideous. Only a douche would decorate with gold. Pretentious and ostentatious!

[–]jaywastaken 23 points24 points  (3 children)

It’s does have a very Saudi Prince aesthetic to it.

[–]FerdinandsBus 58 points59 points  (13 children)

Or a Russian Dictator? I’ve seen this style before.

[–]skordge 30 points31 points  (9 children)

Not dictators, but people in the, for lack of a better word, power aristocracy. Corrupted siloviki heads. And not only Russia, but the whole post-Soviet block (e.g. a good example would be the home of Ukrainian prosecutor Pshonka, googleable)