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How should you prepare for a meeting with HR if you know you did nothing against work policy? by lonelystOnR in AskMen

[–]throwaway461912 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Jfc. Don't play stupid games.

Go to the meeting and record it. Every word you and theysay. Grab an app for your phone or bring a tape recorder. You don't have to inform them unless you live in a place that requires 2 party consent. But do it anyway.

Be polite, but stand up for yourself and get your story straight.

Sign nothing. They're not the police, they're HR. Which means they're concerned with the business and its reputation, not righting a wrong.

You do not have the presumption of innocence. You have the presumption of guilt. Which means short and concise answers. Don't give them anything they can use. Sessir, nossir, she did xyz i said abc.

If this escalates beyond the first meeting, bring a lawyer to subsequent ones. This can seriously fuck you and your life up.

Take it seriously. Insouciance will make them want to bury you more because you're acting like a shit-head. Don't give them the excuse, because it's easier to fire the problem than work to fix it.

I'm at the grocery store, what do you want me to get for you? by Full-Steam in AskMen

[–]erjam 8815 points8816 points 2 (0 children)

Just bring dad back, he should be in the milk aisle

I'm at the grocery store, what do you want me to get for you? by Full-Steam in AskMen

[–]ian22500 1937 points1938 points  (0 children)

The pizza doesn’t have bones so the shit is

Boneless

How much do boobs really mean to you when judging women's looks? by ArtAnvonaviFemale in AskMen

[–]random_drinker_here 4022 points4023 points  (0 children)

When you are an assman like me, you can literally have zero boobs, and not even a big ass, just a well formed ass, and I wouldn't notice that you don't have boobs. I would like to me make it really clear that I'm not exaggerating.

What’s some things every man should own, know how to do, or done by the age of 30 (US) by MK54SADM in AskMen

[–]webdude1 5184 points5185 points  (0 children)

Learn how to not give a fuck what some people think. Too many people put too much care into what some people think, but you can’t please everyone

Men of Reddit, how do you prefer your significant other to bring up difficult issues in the relationship to you? What does good communication look like to you? by mitochondriawesome in AskMen

[–]Rumble73 6771 points6772 points 22 (0 children)

Direct and concise. I personally prefer a heads up and if it’s really a bombshell, don’t do it like the night before my big presentation to my client’s CEO or the morning of my brothers wedding.

Other than that, book a time, sit me down and lay it out like a you’re making a hamburger:

Tell me I’m having a hamburger (state the problem at a high level in one or two short sentences).

1 Bread (lay the foundation of how this came about)

2 Meat (get to the main point)

3 Fixin’s (any pertinent details, max 3)

4 Ketchup (say something sweet and reassuring)

5 Bread (top it with context of what’s going to happen next).

And then let me eat and digest it before we start to discuss it

Edit: /u/Cratonis has a great addition to said list in the comment section here: https://reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/i3bezy/_/g0bhdix/?context=1

Edit: type

What essential male-only knowledge did you get from your Dad while growing up, that the average woman wouldn't know about? by EveningAnteater in AskMen

[–]Rumble73 3764 points3765 points 52 (0 children)

I’m pretty old so some of my advice might be old fashioned but I think it’s still applicable to what I’m doing for my kids, regardless if it’s my daughter or son.

1) don’t just hire people to fix things that aren’t that difficult. YouTube and google it and always make him part of the project from start to finish. When he’s younger he can hold the flashlight or pass the pliers. As he ages he can go to Home Depot and pick up the supplies himself and do it start to end.

2) teach him: say what you mean, do what you say. Always. And if you break your word, it’s got to come with acknowledgement and ownership of it.

3) girls are not always nice and right. They can be just as nasty and mean as boys. Be courteous, polite and fair to everyone, but save the best of yourself to give to a woman that has proven to be worthy of your commitment, love and resources.

4) violence or the threat of violence is not always bad. One should learn how to defend themselves. The world is not an nice place and you should provide him with the tools to protect himself and his loved ones if the need should arise. Put him in martial arts and contact sports and let him keep at it even under protest until at least 13 and let him express what he likes or doesn’t.

5) let kids play rough and slightly dangerous with their friends. If they are not bleeding or their bones aren’t broken, let them go at it. If they build a ramp for their bike, or jump for their skateboard, let them as long as it’s not like 6 feet high on concrete. Boys have crazy energy and it needs to be expelled otherwise it comes out in weird ways like not being able to focus or other behavioural problems.

6) make them finish what they start and watch out for cheating or cutting corners and stop it immediately. (Unless it’s so brilliant and creative. You sometimes have to reward the smartasses for ingenuity).

7) use your common sense and ignore the age guidelines on toys and books.

8) random hourly boners are a thing. So is chronic masturbation that seems excessive. Don’t ever call it out or embarrass them on it. Just ignore it and pretend you don’t know. From say 13 to 20 it’s ridiculous.

9) boys experience all the same intense feelings as girls do when it comes to puppy love, fear of missing out etc. But they may not cry, they may express it through moodiness and anger. And forcing them to talk it out might not be the answer until much later. I found the best way for me to deal with emotional issues is to get assigned or start a project that is sufficiently complex or hard and has a useful result. Accomplishing things together will put them in the right frame of mind and more likely get them to open up and talk about the issue bugging them either during the project or after it is done. (See point 1).

10) don’t give him luxury “stuff”. But do spend on higher end useful things that he can create or use or grow with. So less budget on that expensive Supreme t shirt, and more budget on that laptop or mountain bike. Less budget on the latest headphones and the coolest bag and more budget on that out of country trip.

Guys, what quality/trait do you think is manly? by q-squid in AskMen

[–]whiskeybridgeMale 7 points8 points  (0 children)

the manly virtues are four: bravery, strength, honor, and mastery. bravery especially is the father of other virtues.

Men of Reddit, how do you prefer your significant other to bring up difficult issues in the relationship to you? What does good communication look like to you? by mitochondriawesome in AskMen

[–]Skug5 338 points339 points  (0 children)

You have to start by changing how you approach these manners. It's kind of "eat a little poison everyday so you won't have to overdose later". The thing is, everything hurts in life if you're looking for improvement in regarding whatever. Unfortunately there's no relationship where you won't have to go thru some hard/grueling conversations that won't hurt one side or another.

There's literally no fukin relationship that will run smoothly "till the end". That's the biggest issue, the expectations. The expectations are no where close to the reality. The expectations are created by all sorts of bullshit you see in the media/social media.

Once the years start to add up and the magic of the first flush (not quite sure if that's exactly the right word for it) starts to fade away, (and trust me, it will fade at some point in every relationship) that's when the real game begins.

Communication gets better only by "practicing it". People are different, people perceive different things differently. It's actually hard to pull something out of you're mind and present it verbally in a way that other side understands exactly what you mean. To make them see the issue exactly how you see it. And practicing only comes from the arguments, conversations you have with your partner.

It takes patience. It takes giving examples, asking "is it this what you meant by saying that?" And if it's a no, explain it again and again and again, try to use different point of views, different examples. I mean what, other option being just "okay fuk it...." and then go to some corner and be mad because "you just don't fukin get it".

It's not just "the talk" you should be worried about. It's the whole thing, how you start the conversation, how you bring up the issue, how you present it. You have to allow you're partner to get frustrated and the other way around too, but you can't let the frustration ruin the whole conversation. The point is "look, theres clearly an issue between us and fuk sake, we live together we are together, we have to mingle in this bullshit until we find a common ground". It's the attitude that both of you have to have. Willingness to feel bad/bothered/uncomfortable/hurt for a short while during the conversation so that you can actually feel good for the most of the time. Otherwise the issues won't disappear by itself and you will allways have this unsettling feeling in you because there is things that needs to be discussed.

Sometimes you're not going to be able to finish the conversation in one sitting and it's really important how you end those talks in those moments. If it's not finished you can't leave the sight with a "fuk off" kind of attitude. You have to remember to be kind. You know, kiss and hug each other and say we will talk it through next time. This of course depends on the issue. Some are more sensitive/explosive than others. I've left home for work many times by slamming the door because of the frustration. But then again, depending on you're partner you can send a message where you apologise for how you left, or you can apologise before the next time you about to sit down and continue the conversation (which is usually the next day). Or maybe you don't need to apologise at all because you're partner knows you well enough that it understands you in these situations and it doesn't take it personally. But it's still good to apologise for that kind of behavior. Point is, try to be civil no matter what and don't forget the end goal -> finding a common ground

Relationships are hard, requires lot of compromise because it is about two human beings, not only you or the other.

From a guy that's been in two long term relationships. First one a little over 3 years and the current one, still running for over 6 years. I've seen it all, been through every possible bullshit you can imagine that relationships can bring. There's a way out of all of them. It takes willingness, patience and attitude to start with it. From both sides.

Men of Reddit: How do you get yourself out of a rut? by Morpheus987 in AskMen

[–]TheGreatestOfAllLime 493 points494 points  (0 children)

“I understand there’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy.”

When I first heard this quote it really opened my eyes to something I’ve never seen before. This perspective of having two different people living within you and you have the choice to pick which one you want to be.

Men of Reddit: How do you get yourself out of a rut? by Morpheus987 in AskMen

[–]wibery90 50 points51 points  (0 children)

I'm almost in the same exact shoes as you. 30, but single and working a job that doesn't appreciate me. I've got something like 3000 Playstation trophies and that really bums me out. There's a numerical value to how much of a life I don't have. Most of my relationships fall apart because I can't find some one I can trust to bounce controversial ideas off of.

Perspective is what helps me most. I'm not "in a rut" i'm just neutral. A lot of the media we consume tells us that neutral is bad, we should always be having good days and I don't accept that. I also count my blessings. Sure my job is shitty but I have one, something that 30 million+ Americans can't say right now. (I wish them the best and look forward to America leaving this recession.)

Learning is also a great distraction. At work I'm trying to become more knowledgable on the products I sell. At home checking out Youtube channels like Smarter Every Day, Lock Picking Lawyer, or Joe Rogan Experience. Even discussing things I know a lot about with people that have a different viewpoint or perspective can be very refreshing.

In the end your mental state is a product of the environment you create for it. You have the ability to create a better environment for yourself, you just have to believe.

What’s some things every man should own, know how to do, or done by the age of 30 (US) by MK54SADM in AskMen

[–]Elastichedgehog 2628 points2629 points  (0 children)

Be able to admit when you're wrong.

Dealing with your emotions. For example if you get angry at little things learn to take a deep breath and put your emotions into perspective.

What’s some things every man should own, know how to do, or done by the age of 30 (US) by MK54SADM in AskMen

[–]mAdm-OctUh 166 points167 points  (0 children)

I disagree with aggressively paying back any debt you have. If the interest rate of your debt is a lower percentage of what your returns would be on investing, you're better off keeping some debt and investing.

Edit: it's ironic, I didn't make enough nuance in a comment where I attempt to point out nuance, lol. The replies I've gotten all make great points. If your debt is around the same amount as projected returns (generally around 7-9%), take the safe bet and go with paying off debt. If you're in a period of market instability, don't take investment risks. And it is rare that your interest rate will be lower than projected returns.

However, I still stand against the advice to aggressively pay back any debt you have, because it is important to point out that paying your debts may not always be the smartest financial move.