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[–]caleb18a 8289 points8290 points  (40 children)

The comments on this one should be empty until a couple of days from now.

[–]mfb- 1329 points1330 points  (12 children)

The thread is two hours old and has 1200 comments. Clearly not the target audience.

[–]jumbo53 278 points279 points  (0 children)

Cus its anonymous replies

[–]allexthakatt 15.4k points15.4k points  (188 children)

Sometimes I just truly don't know what to reply to you

[–]lifeisgr00d 2729 points2730 points  (135 children)

Especially if it's just the word "hi". Responding just feels like it could be a Pandora's Box that I don't know if I want to open.

[–]Manannin 866 points867 points  (62 children)

Oof, I had a friend like that that I don't really keep in touch with. She started every chat with "Hi" then a tad later "Hi? Lol"

[–]greenmooncheeze 698 points699 points  (41 children)

the "hi? lol" always terrifies me!! so passive aggressive :(

[–]TheOneTrueChuck 127 points128 points  (16 children)

Yeah, that annoys the shit out of me when people do that. There can be several reasons why I didn't respond yet, including that I'm not in a situation where I can do so. (Especially if it's during working hours.) Please stop blowing my phone up due to your neediness.

[–]ZataH 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I have coworkers that does this. I never reply to these types of messages. Just tell me what you fucking want.

They even come back a few hours later "why didn't you reply"

Well, because there wasn't anything to reply to?

[–]Mcbadguy 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"What it do, Pikachu?"

[–]TheNonCompliant 340 points341 points  (11 children)

Sometimes the way my mom texts is more or less “vaguebooking” and it takes a lot of mental energy to determine potential meanings, let go of my layers of annoyance or frustration, and choose a response that doesn’t potentially lead me down an aggravating conversational path.

For example, that I don’t follow their religion anymore which my mom claims to have chilled out about but I can tell she tests the waters a decent amount, i.e. using a book she’s read or recent situation as a potential jumping off point. Except if I called her out on it she could easily claim she wasn’t, so I cheerily reply in a (sometimes obviously avoidant) way that pretends she must’ve meant something else.

[–]AlbatrossSenior7107 57 points58 points  (8 children)

Ugh... My mom does the same thing. Except, we still are of the same faith. I just call out the bullshit that extremist Christians like to tout that fits their agenda of being complete assholes to people that are different from them. She says it's too political. To be kind. WTF?? It's why I'm LC. If you are so ignorant in your faith that you can't recognize that God calls us to be kind to everyone with no exceptions, life is too short to give you my time.

[–]elmosworld37 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Especially if all they did was send a meme/youtube link that you honestly didn't find very funny

[–]EveInGardenia 21.4k points21.4k points  (193 children)

Some days I don’t feel like talking to people

[–]SparkleEmotions 2796 points2797 points  (56 children)

Definitely. Don’t get me wrong, I love cell phones for a lot of a reasons. Safety alone make them pretty fantastic. Like with getting lost or needing help if something goes wrong.

At the same time Im tired of living in a world where I am expected to be reachable at any time, and if I’m not people can get upset or feel offended. I promise that’s not my intent, I’ll get back to you, but I also sometimes just want to be doing my thing without distractions or obligations.

The world before cell phones had a different pace that I kind of miss. There wasn’t this expectation of immediacy in communication which nowadays creates anxiety. There’s something to be said about how technology and our desire for instant gratification have amplified our anxiety as people. Sometimes it’s nice to unplug.

[–]CaptainFingerling 542 points543 points  (20 children)

Im tired of living in a world where I am expected to be reachable at any time

You set that expectation by responding immediately. Don't do it. Set the expectation that you respond to texts when you're available and that it sometimes takes a day or two.

Task switching means I often disembark in the middle of conversations. People know to expect it. It's totally fine.

Also, chat is meant to be polite. In my mind, it implies "answer when you feel like it". Phone calls are the opposite. They say "stop what you're doing right now and talk to me".

[–]OttomateEverything 175 points176 points  (9 children)

I feel like a similar effect is created with people worrying about "bothering" people that doesn't go away, even if I try to set the expectation. People are so glued to and reactive to their phones that messaging people is usually instantaneous and intrusive into whatever the person is doing. Even if I set the expectation I may not answer, people still think messaging is "interrupting".

I leave my phone with notifications silent almost 24/7 because I don't like being interrupted from what I'm doing and would prefer to look at my phone between other tasks. Yes, this sets the expectation with people that I won't answer immediately unless they call. But they also apologize for messaging me at weird hours or avoid messaging me because they "don't want to bother me". Like, friends won't message me during the work day or late at night. Work people won't message me after my work hours. And if they do, they apologize about it.

For example, if I'm out to dinner with my wife, and she goes to the bathroom and I respond to a message or two and mention we went out to eat, people are like "OMG I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner! Sorry!" I also work in a different time zone from some coworkers and when they realize they've messaged me after 5pm my time, they always apologize.

I don't care if you message me. It's on me to set my phone appropriately so I am interrupted or not interrupted based on what I am doing. You can't possibly always know what I'm doing so it's not your responsibility. And the apologies I get about it, especially from people who know I don't always answer because I don't like interruption, are more annoying than the message itself.

And it's to the point where I start questioning my own messages back to people... I start worrying I'm interrupting their activities since they seem to think they're interrupting mine... Sometimes I'll think of something I want to tell someone at 10pm, or glance through notifications on my way to bed, but am afraid to bother people because they may not silence their notifications in bed etc...so I don't. And then I forget the next day....

I wish everyone would just take responsibility for their own phone usage and trust everyone else to do the same.

[–]ACorania 221 points222 points  (13 children)

To me, a phone call means I want to talk today. A text is respond some time today. Email is any time in the next couple days.

[–]idiBanashapan 597 points598 points  (58 children)

Some people think that if you send them a text, it means you’re in a place to actually talk and phone you immediately. My dad is one of those. If I wanted a conversation or had time to speak, I would have called. But I’m not, so I texted in between jobs…

[–]rae2468 178 points179 points  (23 children)

My Mom does the same thing. If I text it causes her to ring my phone several times in a row. Before cell phones immediate responses were not expected. I could have been away from the phone for days and you had to leave a message. Now, I’m hit with emails, texts, DM, and notifications nonstop and expected to respond ASAP. I have to walk away from my phone or I will never get anything done.

[–]PrizeInteresting4752 354 points355 points  (24 children)

Dad: Hey i saw you texted, what did you want?

Me: Did you read the text?

Dad: Yes.

Awkward silence. Me in my head : Then why are we talking right now?

Every. Single. Day.

[–]gheara3 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I love that he loves you. Parents are so annoying and simultaneously irreplaceable.

[–]LuckyMacAndCheese 274 points275 points  (5 children)

Same - I don't have the energy.

Also, it's great for avoiding getting into a whole back-and-forth text conversation that never fucking ends. Usually if I wait a while between responses, the main/important points still come through but it doesn't become some long stupid text conversation. I don't want to be texting with you for half an hour straight. I also really don't want to talk on the phone, so I don't want to give the impression I'm available and sitting on my phone when you text me.

Talking in person is how I prefer to talk. Texting is mostly a way to facilitate meeting up. If the person is too far away to meet up, we text in advance to set a specific time to talk on the phone or FaceTime.

Edited to add: The only exception to all this is my spouse. Even with living together and seeing each other every day, it's not draining or irritating to me to text back and forth with him. Probably why he's my spouse. :)

[–]Seriih 121 points122 points  (2 children)

This. It has nothing to do with you personally most of the time. I'm just very introverted and having a constant stream of conversation with people gets really tiring for me.

Some days it's easier, some days it's harder. I need my space to just be.

[–]bukzbukzbukz 11 points12 points  (1 child)

It does still have something to do with them sometimes in my case. There are people I like to talk to most of the time, as far as these people know I respond near instantaneously.

But a lot of people are energy drains and I don't enjoy dealing with them unless I'm well rested, energized and in a great mood.

[–]johnnycumseed 73 points74 points  (1 child)

Yep. Plenty of times I just don’t feel like talking

[–]markypots9393 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Seriously. And I think people forget how NEW instant messaging is. Folks were never expected to reply to so many messages in a lifetime and I think it’s catching up with a lot of us.

[–]no0neiv 27.8k points27.8k points 42 (251 children)

Ironically, it's because I often try to be thoughtful in my responses. Sometimes I will read a message and I won't have the will or time to give it the thought or depth that it requires, so I'll put it off to when I can really think about it. Oftentimes it slips my mind because my working memory is kind of trash.

[–]Casual_Frontpager 5119 points5120 points  (61 children)

Yeah, this resonated with me. I’ve often felt that ”I don’t have presence to engage in this conversation right now”.

[–]hippiespinster 938 points939 points  (45 children)

Very much this. I have so many replies bouncing around in my head.

[–]_wannabeme 715 points716 points  (38 children)

I will literally type out a whole message like 5 times because I have so much anxiety that I won’t say the right thing or what if they take it the wrong way?? Constant struggle for me to send a text

[–]breadcreature 928 points929 points  (15 children)

Sometimes in the process of doing this, my brain seems to register the task as done because I've thought about it thoroughly. Then a week later I'm trying to go to sleep and remember that I never actually typed and sent the message.

[–]AFocusedCynic 141 points142 points  (4 children)

Omg that’s me! My mind will usually give me one reminder for something important and then mark it off as done. Brain is like “alright I’ve done my job and reminded you. Job done!” And then it goes into the done pile and poof gone. Fkn brain….

[–]juggling-monkey 241 points242 points  (14 children)

I gave up on thoughtful responses. They always went like this:

Friend: so what's the plan for next week?

Me (5 min later): I made a few plans but wanted to run them by you. Id like to (plan 1) but also know you're a fan of (plan 2). So I'm open to either. For lunch there's this new place (link) that's awesome, but if you're on one of your health kicks then these are also good healthier options (links). Let me know if anything above sounds good so I can get tickets and make rsvp's. Haven't seen you in forever, so I'm super excited to hang out again!

Friend (2 days later): 👍

[–]andrewharlan2 130 points131 points  (5 children)

Liked “I made a few plans but wanted to run them by you. Id like to (plan 1) but also know you're a fan of (plan 2). So I'm open to either. For lunch there's this new place (link) that's awesome, but if you're on one of your health kicks then these are also good healthier options (links). Let me know if anything above sounds good so I can get tickets and make rsvp's. Haven't seen you in forever, so I'm super excited to hang out again!”

[–]Iris-Ng 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Don't stop being you though. Sometimes people with mismatched energy can still be great friends in their lives. A lady friend and I are terrible at texting but we are so good at building rapport in person.

[–]maybe_sleepmore 70 points71 points  (1 child)

Yes to this, and also, I grew up at a time where I couldn’t be reached and asked to do things 24/7. I didn’t give up my right to time for myself because technology makes it possible for me to be reached at all times.

[–]Narcoid 208 points209 points  (2 children)

I'd much rather intentional and thoughtful conversation than replying just to reply. I also rarely touch my phone when I'm engaged in hobbies, at work, or social functions.

That's a lot of time where i simply won't check my phone unless it's an emergency. Now that I can send messages completely hands free, I will occasionally send a few when I'm driving, but still generally don't.

[–]A_Redditour 591 points592 points  (11 children)

Responds with “Ok” 3 days later

[–]NLwino 139 points140 points  (5 children)

Yes, because once I have a clear and rested mind. I understand that is all that I needed to say and there was no reason to overthink it.

[–]regnig123 223 points224 points  (5 children)

This, except, I never forget. I just keep putting it off because I can’t bring myself to take the time. I have a forever list of people in my head to whom I am supposed to reply to (in text, email, PM). It can be months that I have someone on my list.

[–]Horror-Ad6033 84 points85 points  (3 children)

Carbon copy right here. I’m not sure whether to put it down to ADHD or not

[–]pow_shi 64 points65 points  (11 children)

100% this, I wanna give the person my whole attention and not replying something half-assed. And I a lot of things on my plate so it might take time until I have that attention to give.

[–]handyrae 62 points63 points  (0 children)

This, exactly. Especially with emails. I'll want to respond thoughtfully and with multiple points. I know it will take more than 10 seconds, which all the time I might have in the moment, so wait until later. Then I frequently forget.

[–]Spizmack 25.9k points25.9k points 222& 5 more (608 children)

It’s a relatively (very) new phenomenon that basically anyone in your life gets access to you at all times. It was only 20 years ago that if you left the house for the day you were actually gone. You’d return messages when you came back hours or even days later.

Basically I prefer this sometimes

[–]Lavy2k 3865 points3866 points  (175 children)

I'm on this train - it's actually a recent devolution for me. I recently went to Egypt for 2 weeks. While I was there, I literally had no internet. Taking those 2 weeks really made me realise how much better I felt just reply when I could rather than instantly.

I also realised this with some people I work with, they'd text me during non working hours about work. I'd just reply during working times. So text me at 6pm on a Friday, I'd reply at 9am monday.

[–]get_off_the_phone 2118 points2119 points  (102 children)

Friends text me during work, I'll text back after work. Work texts me when I'm not working, I'll text back when I'm on the clock.

[–]jessaabeann 1710 points1711 points  (86 children)

The thought of work saying “hey can you come in early today?” And you texting back 4 hours later once you’ve clocked in saying “no sorry I’m already working rn” has me crying 😂😂😂😂

[–]Simbertold 994 points995 points  (62 children)

But that is the way to do it. You are not paid to be on call. Pretend you have a work phone or whatever. Do not be on call for free.

[–]TheOneTrueChuck 235 points236 points  (12 children)

I was on my second honeymoon, and my boss wouldn't quit texting me. (I made the mistake of responding once when it was convenient, and it opened the floodgates that day.)

After multiple apologies from him, along with promises to "let you get back to your vacation, lol" he started in the next day. I didn't respond. I didn't even open the texts, so if he had the "read receipts" on his messages, he wouldn't be able to tell I'd even seen them.

He tried to call, and I just let it ring (phone was on silent). We got back to our hotel at like 9PM, and I see he's sent me roughly 20+ texts in addition to three missed calls. At this point, I do check them, and he's getting more and more upset that I haven't responded.

So I simply send a text back and I'm like "Sorry, left the phone at the hotel. I guess you figured everything out though."

And he IMMEDIATELY texts back about how I need to keep my phone on me.

And I was like "Uh, I'm on vacation. That's not gonna happen."

I got lectured about not being a "team player", but when I said "Well, if you want to pay me for being on call, I'm sure we can work something out," he suddenly changed his tune.

[–]finstantnoodles 103 points104 points  (9 children)

Just to be a friendly messenger, nobody else chooses read receipts for you. You choose that yourself-if their read receipts are on that means they are informing you when they read yours. If yours are on, you’re informing them when you’ve read theirs. If you turn read receipts off, nobody ever knows when you’ve read their messages.

[–]jessaabeann 236 points237 points  (8 children)

I completely agree! It just made me laugh thinking how mad or irritated most managers would be

[–]Torn_Page 66 points67 points  (4 children)

I kinda had this when I worked at Burger King. My phone is on silent and I would usually be up late depending on my start time. So I'd wake up for work and see 2-3 missed calls from my manager who wanted to see if I would start early.

[–]86sleepypenguins 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I can't work mornings. My sleep schedule, circadian rhythm, whatever, has me staying awake late into the night and sleeping in until the afternoon. I cannot fall asleep earlier than 2am and it's difficult for me to wake up before noon. My managers have known this since day one. I'm never scheduled earlier than 11am and 98% of the time work closing shifts that start at 2 or 3pm and have me getting home at about 11pm.

This, however, has not stopped them from calling or texting me at 7am on my days off to ask if I can come in. If I respond at all, it's not until hours later and the answer is no.

[–]Symph0nyS0ldier 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I actually do have a "work phone" all communication for my job is teams or email. If I'm in the field I hotspot my cell to my work phone and if I'm at home I check my work phone twice a day. It's great. Work phone is in quotes because it's just my old phone that I don't use anymore and don't care about.

[–]Grapeape934 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I have a work phone. The minute I walk in the door at home I turn the ring volume off and plug it in by the door I go in and out of. I don't look at it until I pick it up on my way out the door headed to work the next day. There have been missed calls and texts, and even emails. All get answered after I get to the job site and am on the clock. If they complain I explain I was not at work and waited until I was at work to respond instead of texting while driving. The number of missed calls and texts have gone way down. HR has my home and cell number and if anyone calls me on them I will advise them I am off the clock and will call them back during the next work day and hang up. I work to pay for my time with my family. I will not give up family time for work.

[–]tlcd 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I'd just reply during working times.

Good on you for setting boundaries at work.

[–]falafelwaffle55 162 points163 points  (10 children)

they'd text me during non working hours about work.

That would drive me up the wall, ugh. Good for you for making them wait until working hours!

[–]Soft-Caterpillar-618 978 points979 points  (71 children)

This is me as well. It doesn’t feel healthy for me to be this accessible 24/7.

[–]bklark 474 points475 points  (55 children)

Yeah like the real question is why is it normal to send a message and expect whoever to reply immediately?

[–]EmpRupus 348 points349 points  (44 children)

The worst are those which just go "Hi ..." and then they expect me to type back "hi" and only then, will they explain the purpose in the second message.

Or just "Hi, call me" with no further elaboration.

Biiiiiiiiiitch, state the purpose of your interaction in the first message, otherwise don't expect a "hi" back from me.

[–]amandaggogo 46 points47 points  (6 children)

I HAAAAATE getting texts that read "Hey, I have a favor to ask you."

Like, just open your initial text with what the favor is. I'm more likely to respond to you right away. Otherwise I'm apt to ignore it until you text me with what the actual favor is. I don't wanna reply right away with "okay, go ahead and ask", they ask, and then expect an immediate answer to if I will do said favor or not. Whereas, if they opened with what the favor is, I can have a second to contemplate if I wanna do it, and then reply back in due time.

[–]Sparcrypt 34 points35 points  (2 children)

Always set your status as "https://nohello.net/"

This is common professionally and it's annoying. Do not say "hi" or whatever, just send the message you want to send.

[–]sandman795 207 points208 points  (12 children)

I tell everyone that my phone is my convenience to reach the world; not for the world to reach me. If the world doesn't respond to me though....

[–]eljefino 76 points77 points  (8 children)

When (landline) telephones came out one famous opinionator asked why would you let anyone in the world ring a bell in your house?

Back then bells were for servants to answer. Installing a telephone made you everyone's bitch.

[–]Hindu_Wardrobe 2817 points2818 points  (68 children)

Bingo. This shit ain't human.

I have two, maybe three, people I'm good with responding to ~immediately, and even with them sometimes I just need to be unavailable for the sake of being unavailable. We're not built to be "always on" like this.

If you're outside of my "priority circle" then I'm sorry, but I'll get back to you when I get back to you.

[–]smallangrynerd 485 points486 points  (35 children)

Exactly. I answer my bf and my parents get immediate response privilege, everyone else can wait a little.

[–]AngelicWooGirl 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is why Do Not Disturb is awesome. Most of my day, this is turned on and the only people allowed through are my Favourite contacts, which is my partner, child and my parents.

[–]QuantenMechaniker[🍰] 347 points348 points  (40 children)

yup this. early 2000s we got icq and MSN messenger, which introduced many millennials to instant communication. however, due to the lack of smartphones and with PDAs and pagers being relatively rare, we were still offline a lot and SMS were too expensive for extensive chatting.

when I got the first phone that was capable of using WhatsApp it turned from a revelation into a source of stress relatively quickly for me.

[–]chippychifton 134 points135 points  (18 children)

AIM raised a generation. a/s/l?

[–]Mickey_McDoofus 100 points101 points  (2 children)

"Gotta pic?"

"Sorry, no scanner."

[–]Snoozy_Ninja 45 points46 points  (2 children)

And even then, I was the one to have some teenage angst song lyric as an away message. I was perpetually "away" & would respond to messages as I felt like it. Fast forward to corporate life-- as long as the boss doesn't care & knows I'll respond reasonably, my status is staying on "Away."

[–]Ratatoski 578 points579 points  (77 children)

Yeah I have anxiety problems as is and can go years not responding to phone calls. Theres no reason in the world that phone calls, text messages and emails should show up demanding my attention while I'm on the loo playing Tetris. I hate being surprised with social demands when I'm not prepared for them.

[–]A-RovinIGo 731 points732 points  (65 children)

I hate to admit it, but stupid anxiety made me ghost a formerly good friend. They had pressured me for a reply on something I was having trouble responding to, and I panicked and fell into a hole of crippling silence. And of course as time dragged on, I got more and more embarrassed, until I was down so deep, I felt there was no way I could ever reply, even to ask for an apology. It feels like a lame, pitiful excuse, but there it is.

[–]LongjumpingStudy3356 130 points131 points  (9 children)

Idk if this helps at all, but I’m sure in this kind of situation, the friend would appreciate hearing from you. It can just be a simple, hey, I’m sorry I didn’t reply for so long. I got anxious and then the longer time went on the more I felt like I couldn’t make a comeback from not replying.

I’ve been in situations where I was friend ghosted and it is a hurtful experience even if not intended to be, so I’m sure many people would appreciate a reconnect or even just hearing the reason why things fell off and knowing it didn’t have anything to do with them

[–]kormia_sti_laspi 198 points199 points  (20 children)

This is quite familiar to me. It really sucks to fall into that hole of crippling silence, with the escalating embarrassment as the time drags on. Too familiar! I've lost contact with people like this.

Oh shit! I replied to someone on the internet! I guess I'm making progress!! .. Oh no no no no, that's too much progress, I think I'll indulge into some ghosting. Don't take it personally! Yikes

[–]AmazonianGiantess 29 points30 points  (17 children)

I replied to someone on the internet! I guess I'm making progress!! .. Oh no no no no, that's too much progress, I think I'll indulge in some ghosting.

I feel this deep in my bones. I try to be social, but when they reply to my reply, it's too far. I've got to cash out now while I can. Cya!

Edit: Dang I thought I knew how to quote. I guess not. I'll Google how to do this.

Edit 2: Yay! I fixed it!

[–]swiftdw 119 points120 points  (8 children)

I just wanted to respond and tell you that if that person was actually a good friend, they would be happy to hear from you, not mad. Personal anecdote below:

A close friend of mine essentially stopped responding just before the start of this year. They would always take long mental health breaks away from social media/communications which I was totally fine with, but this current one is by far the longest and I had to stop my normal routine of checking in every few weeks just to make sure they were alright, just because it felt needy.

We're not always trying to be needy though - I actually do just want to know if my friend is OK after they've fallen off the face of the earth.

I'd take a "I'm doing great but we aren't compatible as friends anymore" over never knowing what happened. Some of us just care about our friends - I wouldn't ever expect an apology or want you to feel bad, but I would always be happy to get a text from a friend.

I hope that even if things don't work out between you and your old friend that you forgive yourself, because they've likely already forgiven you.

[–]ErinMcLaren 24 points25 points  (7 children)

I'm the other person right now. I do not have the capacity to even Look at / Open / Read a text, let alone respond to one.

Thank goodness for the two friends I gave a heads up "I don't have the capacity to interact right now" type text for responding so positively and with no expectation of response or action.

It sucks because I already think I'm a piece of shit friend. The idea of someone Else thinking I'm a piece of shit is Overwhelming. And having not one, but Two friends counteract that internal belief and say, "I get it, I love you, I'm here for you, contact me if you need or want but also don't be pressured to respond if you feel unable to right now" is just the most supportive virtual hug I could ever imagine ❤️

[–]breakneckridge 13 points14 points  (0 children)

OMG yes, i know this one too well. I've definitely done this several times. Once it's been too long you feel like there's no chance to do it at all anymore so it just becomes a permanent ghosting. If you're reading this - sorry Kenny!

[–]dopaminechaser9 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Definitely relatable, you’re not alone

[–]laetum-helianthus 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Pretty much this. I guess I’m “from a different time” about it. It feels so good to just be on your own, unreachable, unbotherable, unneedable, not a care in the world, no responsibilities at all, not even monitoring a device let alone answering to it. I didn’t realize that until it started becoming a rare thing, so now I’ve quit social media altogether except reddit.

[–]WolfmanBTBAM 106 points107 points  (4 children)

Yeah the ability for someone to contact me at their disposal is not for me. My ringer has been off on my cell phone for like 10 years

[–]Channel250 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I think it was the comedian John Mulaney who had a small bit about how technology has changed us in weird ways.

Like, nowadays if you drop a call we're just like "Well, that's weird. I'll call them back later." When like 50 years ago if you were talking to someone on the phone and the line went silent we basically just assumed that guy died.

[–]Random_Girl_2004 6226 points6227 points  (39 children)

I reply to them in my brain and forget to reply them in real life.

[–]CCSullivan_writer 100 points101 points  (2 children)

I have done this too often, or I will reply then forget to hit send.

[–]koopapeaches19 39.6k points39.6k points  (810 children)

It’s usually because I read the message while I’m doing something that I can’t reply in that moment, and then I literally just forget.

[–]MedicalInvestment150 7867 points7868 points  (103 children)

Ah yes, the infamous 'I'll respond later' followed by a swift entrance into the abyss of forgetfulness.

[–]caeptn2te 2567 points2568 points  (42 children)

I have a special corner in my mind called "unhandled and forgotten".

[–]Slanderous 79 points80 points  (2 children)

... Then remember later, experience a pang of crippling shame and guilt at having forgotten, and sweep it aside to deal with later. Rinse and repeat.

[–]LottoChangedMyLife 460 points461 points  (18 children)

Sometimes I reply mentally and think I sent the message only to realize I only thought it and didn’t complete the task.

[–]all_on_my_own 74 points75 points  (5 children)

This is me but in spoken conversation. Sometimes people must think I'm so rude but I just think the reply instead of saying it. It's not old age because my daughter is the exact same.

[–]edlee98765 278 points279 points  (8 children)

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

[–]First_Ad5835 192 points193 points  (6 children)

Procrastination is a great thing, you always have something to do tomorrow, plus you have nothing to do today.

[–]RigasTelRuun 307 points308 points  (6 children)

Usually I will remember twice but be in situations I can't do it. Like driving or something

[–]GrownThenBrewed 112 points113 points  (2 children)

Almost every time I remember a message a need to send or reply to, I'm driving.

[–]TADspace 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Driving or at work, where I am not allowed to have my phone because of NDAs.

[–]Fbiagent3425 1164 points1165 points  (33 children)

What’s even better is when you randomly remember and decide it’s too awkward and don’t respond

[–][deleted] 398 points399 points  (15 children)

Yeah, that's usually it. Say you'll respond after work or whatever, then get home and forget, get too tired, a few days later it finally circles back on the conveyor belt of thought and it's like "well, hell, now what do I do?" leading to indecisiveness that just stalls a response further.

[–]fallenender_ 12 points13 points  (2 children)

True but honestly I still respond even if its more than a week later

[–]lovethepuppers 474 points475 points  (42 children)

This is the most common. The second is that I find something stressful about interacting with this person. It might not even be that I don’t like them. But maybe they want to discuss something I find stressful and I just don’t want to deal with it with what else is going on in my day at the time.

Like my mom who will ask about something career related in a text. And I just don’t want to get into that kind of conversation at the moment. Love her, but yeah.

[–]harpokuntish 826 points827 points  (94 children)

That's usually my excuse, but really I find it anxiety inducing that we're almost expected to be a text or a phone call away at all times and to respond promptly that Is why I don't.

[–]tlcd 472 points473 points  (46 children)

Since smartphones took over our lives, it feels like everyone is expected to be available at all times. I just stopped caring. Unless it's an emergency, I'll answer when I want, and to hell with anyone who has a problem with that.

[–]lovemagnet12 116 points117 points  (3 children)

Yep, I don't make myself accessible for that reason. If you always answer calls or texts quickly, people come to expect that of you. But if, like me, you go off the grid for periods, people also expect that and don't take it personally when you take a while to respond.

[–]Complete-Unknown-37 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I always tell people upfront I'm a 'bad texter', so they won't take it personal.

[–]lovemagnet12 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes. When I start dating someone new, I always make sure not to text a lot and tell them I only want to get to know them in person. That way, they don't have an expectation I'll be texting them all the time in a relationship.

[–]corcyra 237 points238 points  (18 children)

I felt that way too for a while, then stopped, because I suddenly realised the expectation that anyone can interrupt me, at any time, and expect an immediate answer is wholly unreasonable. It's like being on a chain anyone can jerk at will.

Now I only answer messages and emails a couple of times a day, unless it's from a very good friend or family, about something urgent. And tbh, other busy people I know do the same.

[–]Tiggeribby 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Now that I’m retired and my bf and I don’t have a landline, my phone is on DND or at least silenced ALL THE TIME unless he or I go out alone (even just to do errands). I respond to messages when I see them OR when I have the mental bandwidth to respond appropriately to something unpleasant but not urgent. I only have a few people in my contact list who can override the DND. My life is SO much better!

[–]mbolgiano 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Bingo. The phone is for *my* convenience, not theirs.

[–]synthi 91 points92 points  (4 children)

I hate the expectation of immediate replies, because I feel like that’s forced me into a conversation I’m not mentally prepared for.

Even phone calls from family will get sent to voicemail so I can determine what kind of mood or conversation is about to happen so I can prepare myself for it.

I’m terrified of people lambasting me with questions meant to overwhelm and fluster me, or persuade me to act. I need time to mentally prepare for things.

[–]TaleOf4Gamers 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Literally me. Now I just leave my phone on silent 24/7 so nothing can interrupt me. I also put less pressure on myself to respond ASAP and just respond as and when I feel like it. Yes this leads me to straight up ignore people sometimes if I don't feel like responding but those are usually less important conversations anyway

[–]Odd_Description1 23 points24 points  (7 children)

You nailed it. I'm in the zone, doing something important, and can't reply at just that moment. Unfortunately, your notification has been cleared by me opening it and now I will forget. If I don't reply within a few hours, please send a follow up.

[–]storyconsumer08 200 points201 points  (9 children)

For me it’s more of “oh my god, what am I supposed to say? -shit, I’m taking too long to reply, they’re going to think I’m being an ass….wait, maybe if I don’t say anything right now, wait 30 minutes, THEN say that I was doing something and everything will be okay!” Then I’ll spend the next half hour writing messages and deleting them because I don’t want to sound like I’m being rude.

After, my brain will convince me in thirty minutes that I waited too long and I’m a piece of shit for not immediately responding and I don’t deserve friends.

[–]Massive_Environment8 26 points27 points  (2 children)

I usually just skip to that last part.

[–]Vio94 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Yeah, I usually can't think of something worthwhile to say immediately, and don't want to just one word "Lol" reply or one word with extra steps "Lol that's awesome" reply etc. And then I forget to reply later. And then I feel like it's too late to reply with anything. Or it's like 2 in the morning when I think of a reply and don't want to respond on the off chance it wakes the person up.

[–]Chozo-trained 38 points39 points  (4 children)

Exactly. I have ADHD and just move from one thing to the next. If I open the text and can’t respond — and I lose that little notification to remind me? Forget about it. Or at least that’s what I do.

[–]OceanDevotion[🍰] 2024 points2025 points  (37 children)

Idk, it’s like I just… can’t. It feels overwhelming, so instead, I like to consistently go through a cycle of forgetting to respond and then chastising myself for not replying, so I decide I’ll do it later, but then I forget. It’s just on and on and on until I finally do, and it’s always, “hey! Sorry for just responding! (Fill in blank here).

Ps, thanks for the reminder, I just texted my friend who texted me back on Tuesday. This was the push I needed

[–]Michelin123 214 points215 points  (7 children)

Woah, so crazy to read about so many like minded people. It's a fucking relief for me kinda, lol.

My depression is mostly the reason for thus behavior (I think atleast)

[–]sunscreenkween 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I go thru waves where I can reply instantly and then it’ll be days 🙃

I’ve mostly found it relates to my energy levels, which is along the lines of what you mention with depression. I notice I’m worse at responding to friends when work is crazy, probably because I’ve already expended my social energy dealing with work all day, so I end up putting my personal relationships second to that.

And then sometimes there isn’t a rhyme or a reason, just a general sense of emotional exhaustion.

[–]MrJaffaCake 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Generally, a message is an opening to a conversation I don't have energy for right now. Even if it's a simple question, I'd rather come back to you in a day or so when I have time for you and our conversation than just running through a chat for some reason. And sometimes I just cba.

[–]LadyBlueXXX 2788 points2789 points  (76 children)

Executive dysfunction

[–]Burnt_Your_Toast 204 points205 points  (11 children)

When I finally found out I had ADHD a couple years ago and told my friends and family, a lot of them just replied with "oh yeah that does make sense" and brought up how often I forget to reply to messages until days later, when I would pick up the conversation as if days had not passed.

It was legitimately one of the factors I thought of when I was trying to figure out if I had ADHD or not lol

[–]Diannika 16 points17 points  (2 children)

when I would pick up the conversation as if days had not passed.

I think people forget that that was the point of text based conversation. It isn't meant to be immediate, outside of specific instant messenger services (Which you could set yourself to away on and choose when you were available)

I feel like since FB got rid of the separation between its messenger and its inbox, the world forgot that textversations are different than IMs

[–]brother_bean 1186 points1187 points 2 (33 children)

To add to this as someone that experiences executive dysfunction (I’m ADHD-PI), it takes all my energy to focus on my desk job every day at work. Trying to context switch and respond to texts during the day is overwhelming and makes getting work done really hard too.

Then when I finally feel I have the brain space to check my messages, I have 30 notifications. 5 are texts from automated robots that I wish I could block. 3 might be important texts. 5 are snapchats from my close group of friends. 5 are Instagram messages that some close friends thought were funny. 3 are notifications that my Amazon packages have shipped. A couple are banking alerts for a transaction over a certain size. And the rest are notifications I could have SWORN I CLEARED and they came back somehow.

And yes, I have gone through every app and turned off notifications that I don’t use. My wife helps me do this regularly.

Modern smartphones are just an overwhelming thing sometimes. It’s not always one text that’s hard to respond to in a vacuum, it’s that my phone is blowing up and it’s so much effort to even get started catching up on all of that.

[–]witchyinthewild 107 points108 points  (0 children)

the overwhelm is real. sometimes it's just one message and I say I'll reply to this today, then before I know it it's two days later and it feels like I've already failed so now I really don't want to

[–]Slapbox 106 points107 points  (0 children)

Wish I could give you an award; perfect explanation.

[–]pythoner_ 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I feel you but I swear there are no executives up there, just someone who is overworked and underpaid.

[–]Tinman_09 59 points60 points  (1 child)

My question would be why do people feel I need to respond as soon as I get it?

I genuinely don’t have my phone on me 90% of the time. My wife and kids are more valuable than responding to text. I don’t mean that in a mean way.

[–]lifealerting 1270 points1271 points  (4 children)

sometimes i just don’t have the energy for it… i recharge and relax by being alone and doing things that take very little effort. i’m also not on my phone a lot… i’m a university student taking full units, while working simultaneously :/

[–]honeyballector 490 points491 points  (8 children)

I spend all day trying to craft the most perfect response ever and i procrastinate it as if I’m dealing with a school assignment or something

[–]Ivan_the_Incredible 105 points106 points  (4 children)

Me too, I overthink, then dont do it all

[–]tealpineapple456 52 points53 points  (2 children)

I do this with not only texts but work emails. A coworker calls it “paralysis by analysis”.

I’m literally paralyzed by overthinking and trying to do something perfectly and the by the anxiety if not having done it on time so then I ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist to cope with the anxiety.

[–]little_miss_noshine 2113 points2114 points  (65 children)

I'm an introvert and it actually takes alot of energy for me to respond to people. I much prefer talking in person to someone but for some reason messaging drains me. It's nothing against the person I haven't responded to and I usually tell my friends it's the way I am and they understand. So unless it's urgent it could take me a couple of days to respond until I have the energy.

[–]Japboix1 506 points507 points  (13 children)

For me, as an introvert and someone with social anxiety, it drains my battery cause I try to put in care to make sure something I say in text won’t come off the wrong way, since I can’t convey tone. And as someone who uses a lot of sarcasm/hyperbole in their speech, I can’t use that same thing in text which makes responding through it harder. But in person those aren’t problems so it makes responding easier and less draining.

[–]little_miss_noshine 99 points100 points  (3 children)

That is exactly it! I'm a very intuitive person and also use a lot of sarcasm. I really heavily on people's body language and vibe. It's just not the same by text. Iy takes a lot more energy and thought for me to message than interact in person.

[–]Leifang666 33 points34 points  (5 children)

I find this really interesting, as an introvert who's the exact opposite. I like text communication because I can think about what I'm saying and I am able to ammend things as I go.

Exception being my boss's emails. He's nice in person, by email he's horrible. He's not very good with understanding written tones. Maybe this is why you find talking easier?

[–]Negation72 73 points74 points  (6 children)

I feel like you are describing me. I would much rather talk to someone in person than be glued to my phone in my free time.

[–]poetic_vibrations 10 points11 points  (4 children)

I'm the same dude. And I think through texts I send so much that generally it takes me a few minutes to finish drafting the message and I don't even notice

[–]distant-bubble 128 points129 points  (1 child)

I get overwhelemed easily and keep postponing to reply until "I feel like it", by then it's too late to reply, and I fear I come off ride or that the mood of the convo was already gone and I would make things awkward, so I postpone it until I can handle that awkwardness, by then it's too late to.. 🔁

[–]inamedmycatcrouton 570 points571 points  (16 children)

Because honestly texting feels exhausting sometimes. Have you ever thought how before cellphones, people caught up maybe once or twice a week? I don’t think it’s natural to text all day every day. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]Anglophyl 58 points59 points  (4 children)

I miss that time. My bio mom went TDY to Korea in the 80s and I couldn't talk to her for a whole month (more?). Grandma called on Sunday...people went out of town... There's not enough room in between our interactions anymore (imo).

[–]P1nk33 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My dad had a pretty important job, the type where you are constantly needed and probably on call 24/7 or at least in some kind of constant communication nowadays. Yet in the 90s I remember so many week long vacations and weekends at our cabin. No phones, internet etc.. Work was done at work and everything else was free and family time. That reality is long gone as you would be expected to answer emails in the mountains or on the beach these days.

[–][deleted] 14.3k points14.3k points 22& 3 more (236 children)

Just because technology has gotten to the point where you can reach someone instantly does not mean that person has a responsibility to instantly respond.

Edit: because I don’t want to

[–]Elite_Slacker 741 points742 points  (14 children)

Yeah sometimes having a phone these days feels like giving 100 people a string tied to you that they can tug on at any time for any reason to demand a response from you.

[–]afireintheforest 69 points70 points  (0 children)

A string? More like a chain.

[–]The-Poopsmith 199 points200 points  (2 children)

Add work emails, slack messages, and all of the marketing communication we’re bombarded with and it can start to feel out of hand. I respond to work emails all day and then my girlfriend texts me some meme and I just don’t have the mental energy to think of a witty response. Then I’m ‘not communicative’ because I don’t immediately get back to her and would rather just focus on what’s actually in front of me for a few hours.

[–]daddyjackpot 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Add work emails, slack messages, and all of the marketing communication we’re bombarded with and it can start to feel out of hand.

And this is why we introduce a waiting period. When people know they're gonna get an immediate response from you then you are at the top of their list of people to reach out to for items big and small. If they know they're gonna wait a bit, you slip down the list. Then your inboxes are full of stuff that is slightly more relevant to you.

edit: spellin'

[–]Solidknowledge 50 points51 points  (3 children)

"Do not disturb" on apple devices is about the greatest piece of functionality these things have had. Setting rules for who and when can contact me has done absolute wonders for my mental health.

[–]zimph59 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Which is why I ignore all the strings. Then no one expects me to respond promptly

[–]gottaBsodomy 2603 points2604 points  (55 children)

I like to say "I have a phone for my convenience, not yours."

[–]pumpe88 403 points404 points  (23 children)

I’m definitely using this next time my parents give me shit for not answering.

[–]looniemoonies 283 points284 points  (24 children)

thank you. i guess some people are being honest when they say they forget or "reply in their heads," but i think a lot of them are just afraid to say that they didn't really feel like replying. it's not natural for humans to be 100% accessible to each other at all times. it's like, i texted you back days later because it took days for me to want to resume our nonessential conversation. period.

[–]Solidknowledge 111 points112 points  (14 children)

didn't really feel like replying

The world should normalize this. It doesnt mean I care for the sender any less, but sometimes I just dont want or need to view every notification that hits my phone at all hours of the day.

[–]Saxon2060 125 points126 points  (3 children)

Perfect response. I was thking about the question OP posed and thought "I don't have a reason usually, but I resent the implication that there's anything wrong with it." It's a written message, messaging is NOT a real-time conversation and the etiquette is totally different.

But you said it better!

Related: I don't have notifications turned on for WhatsApp (which 99% of people use for 99% of messages in the UK.) I do have notifications on for text messages so my wife knows if it's something urgent but can't be a phone call (for some strange reason) she can text me. But everyone else thinks I just have all notifications off.

[–]panzervike 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Mainly depression. Having to make decisions, even small ones when I'm depressed is incredibly hard. Most text messages are to ask things so they tend to go unanswered.

[–]ReckoningGotham 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I'm not on-demand.

[–]KickAndFlipJr 100 points101 points  (0 children)

Because I have more than enough going on, And my cup is overfilling. I need to recharge.

[–]blebanec 309 points310 points  (11 children)

I'm depressed and don't want to be in contact with people who I don't talk to on a regular basis, so replying to other people or requests is not as easy.

[–]mystery_trams 94 points95 points  (4 children)

Even those I am in contact with. Every interaction is a risk of bad news or guilt, anxiety, and no chance of good news or positivity. I just want to protect myself and limit the damage.

[–]bigredplastictuba 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Well said. I've been viewing every human as an "obstacle, liability, or threat" lately, and every text notification sets all my nerves on edge.

[–]Lakewater22 28 points29 points  (1 child)


[–]t-4y 91 points92 points  (0 children)

I don’t have the mental capacity to reply right now. I’m having a stressful day, I’m trying to meet a deadline, I’m upset over something etc. and my brain is too busy and muddled to reply. Sometimes I’m also just drained and don’t have the energy, even if it’s just something simple, like responding to a meme; I’m drained and my brain is mush I can’t muster up the energy.

If I don’t reply for a while, it typically means I’m somewhere in my feels.

[–]axeman020 483 points484 points  (2 children)

Let me think about it. I'll get back to you in a couple of days...

[–]Elliot_Fox 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Replying to text messages stresses me the fuck out because I can never think of what to say or how to say it correctly, and when I do, they send another text and the cycle repeats.

I have a “How’s it going” text from an aunt that I’ve yet to reply to in months because I haven’t thought of an adequate response.

[–]GiveMeASpank 425 points426 points  (39 children)

Because i don’t want to

[–]mikew_reddit 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Also, not everything needs a reply.

[–]MaritimeDisaster 21 points22 points  (1 child)

I’m an introvert and sometimes I just don’t want to engage with people. If there is some piece of critical information that you need, like an address or link to something or whatever, I will always respond. But if you just want to chit chat or laugh about a video, you’ll hear from me next week.

[–]ReoRahtate88 21 points22 points  (3 children)

I don't like or agree to the expectation of always being contactable at any moment.

[–]AllofaSuddenStory 137 points138 points  (3 children)

Y’all missed a golden chance. Should have left it at zero Comments and then comment replies start in a few days

[–]LoCoWatcher 34 points35 points  (1 child)

You telling people who can’t remember to text back to remember a post a few days from now 💀

[–]GlassHalfFullofAcid 328 points329 points  (18 children)

I'm 35, and after 30, you and your friends realize that you can go for probably six months without seeing each other and IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL.

I respond immediately in urgent matters, of course. And my friends know and accept that I might take awhile to respond, simply because sometimes a.) I respond in my head and forget to actually type it out, or b.) I'm busy or don't feel like talking at the time.

[–]crueltyisaweakness 879 points880 points  (71 children)

People who expect immediate replies simply because they have your mobile number and can text you whenever they feel like it, why?

[–]inamedmycatcrouton 262 points263 points  (21 children)

Literally the worst. I’ve talked on dating apps to people who will unmatch or triple message me if I don’t respond within an hour or two. Like ?? So low on my priority list.

[–]1finewire5 141 points142 points  (4 children)

Yes! I was talking to someone while on break at work then told them I was going back to work and I’ll respond later when I could and he lost his shit! I don’t understand that mentality. Just cuz I have a phone doesn’t mean I’m constantly available to entertain.

[–]WoodSheepClayWheat 75 points76 points  (5 children)

Because then you will likely reply right away, and then it's a long drawn out back and forth. I rarely have the energy or focus for constant interruption from you.

Me not replying ensures that's the only interruption I'm allowing you that day.

[–]Hindu_Wardrobe 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Because then you will likely reply right away, and then it's a long drawn out back and forth.

Worse if you do reply right away that one time but back off afterwards, they can hit you with an "I know you're there!"


[–]bretty666 15 points16 points  (1 child)

r/RemindMeBot remind to me to comment in 4 days

[–]AquaCougar 115 points116 points  (5 children)

ADHD. I will see an email or a message and think to myself that’s important, I needs to reply to that, then get distracted and forget it ever happened. Days might be a bit extreme for messages but definitely hours can go past before I even realise what I’ve done. And emails will definitely go unanswered for days.

[–]_MrSpiffy 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Same, but I realized I did not respond 10 days later and feel like I can’t now

[–]ailani_jade16 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I was looking for someone to just say “adhd” , i will read the message, KNOW i need to reply to it and then completely forget until hours/days later

[–]AudiTechGuy 67 points68 points  (4 children)

My phone is a tool that I use when it’s convenient for me.

[–]Old-man-scene24 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Mom...?! Come on, I said I would call you later today! You made your point already...

[–]ComplexUnion_media 99 points100 points  (4 children)

With cellphone now, people almost feel entitled to a immediate response. I honestly answer when I feel like answering. Same thing goes with phone call.

It might not be days later, but it might not be in the next hour either.

[–]rah_komorebi 11 points12 points  (2 children)

I don't have the energy to respond to it and if i ever do get that energy its days to weeks later and I've either forgotten or it would just be embarrassing to answer at that point

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Just because I have a phone on me doesn’t mean you are entitled to my attention 24/7. Plus if it was really important you would have phoned me.