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[–]amiemartian 2427 points2428 points  (53 children)

I worked at a kids birthday party place for a couple years in high school. So many kids would cry because they fell over, bumped their arm, etc. Never anything bad. I’d say something like “can you shake your foot around? Does it feel better?” “How about jumping in a circle?” “Alright we are going to blow on your hand so it feels better” and then ask if they are ready to play again. Works like a charm.

Also bandages for little boo boos. They think they are healed and get right back to being happy little kiddos :)

[–]TheCheshireCatCan 240 points241 points  (9 children)

Any bandaids with cartoon characters on them instantly made my students feel better.

[–]mopeiobebeast 1449 points1450 points  (26 children)

Your perception of bad luck. The human brain is predisposed to remember bad experiences more vividly than the good ones. Thus, for an example, you may say your luck is always awful at tolls, when in reality you only get stuck in traffic 20%-50% of the time.

[–]Demetre4757 5541 points5542 points  (138 children)

When I worked/trained tech support, our agents would always get pushback from customers when we asked them to power cycle their phone, which nine times out of ten would fix their issue.

So, I had them tell the customer to read them some numbers off the back of the battery (when they were still removable!) that we absolutely did not need. Then we told them we refreshed a few systems, and they put their battery back in and it's all fixed!

Alternatively, when batteries couldn't be removed, we'd tell them that if the phone was powered on while we did the update, it could ruin their SIM card. So they'd make sure to power off their phone. I'd do nothing. They'd turn it back on and it worked great!

But if I had TOLD them to power cycle their phones? No way.

[–]rmrf_slash_dot 1385 points1386 points  (36 children)

I absolutely love this story because it’s so true.

Just 2 days ago I told a client to close his web browser and reopen it to fix an issue on our page. He’d complained of it seemingly “slow today” despite videos from several team members demonstrating it wasn’t.

He closed and reopened and voila it was fixed. Actually he’d had the browser open for months and it was gobbling memory and needed a restart.

[–]sal00 3354 points3355 points  (46 children)

When you give your young sibling an unconnected controller after he/she kept bugging to join the game.

[–]jujusco 992 points993 points  (8 children)

My husband and I call this playing “pretendo”

[–]iwillnottryagain 18.1k points18.1k points  (306 children)

Do commissioned creative stuff, if I deliver same or next day, people don’t think I spent enough time on it. If I wait three days to driver, people are happy because they assume I worked on their project nonstop even though I was done a day or two prior

[–]ThanyaJK 3347 points3348 points  (93 children)

I'm freelance artist and once I painted my client's dog portrait with acrylic. I took photos and sent it to her and she said she wanted to fix some part of it. Like hair was too dark and mouth was a little bit too big. Few hours later I accidentally re-sent one of the photo I sent to her to her again. She immediately relied "yes! This is what I want!". I havent touch up anything more but it's ok.

[–]Kennitht 419 points420 points  (60 children)

This reminds me of a story about a restaurant manager who received a complaint from a regular customer because the restaurant didn’t carry Hunts ketchup and only Heinz. So one day the manager just put Heinz ketchup into a Hunts bottle for her and she couldn’t tell the difference.

Edit: I wrote this at 2 AM. Some details I left out. The customer didn’t like the taste of Heinz ketchup. The manager did replace the ketchup bottle at first, but ran out of the ketchup. Manager knew customer was coming in and quickly replaced the empty bottom with the restaurant ketchup which is Heinz. It was from an older reddit post.

[–]crona_4242564 5570 points5571 points  (105 children)

People don’t just do this with creative stuff if it makes you feel better. We did the same thing when I did tax returns. A return might be done 15 minutes after the person left the office, but we’d wait 1-2 days before calling them to let them know it was ready. People need to feel like a little more time was spent on something to justify the price. I think it’s because they don’t think of it as paying for a person’s experience/education/artistic talent, they think of it as just paying for a person’s time.

[–]hibikikun 11.5k points11.5k points  (109 children)

Loading spinners on web pages. I once had a user complain to me a web app was too slow (and it was pretty fast). So I tested him by making the animation spinner spin much faster. He went to my boss to praise me how much faster the web app was. (spin.js is what i was using)

[–]panickedthumb 4673 points4674 points  (49 children)

Not even a spinner but we added a message after "Loading" that said" Nearly there" when it got to the next step, and we got significantly fewer slow loading complaints.

[–]m00nbl00m 12.5k points12.5k points  (116 children)

My dog’s medicine coming out of his treat tin instead of medicine packaging. Makes a seconds-ago-disgusting-medicine taste mysteriously treat-like.

[–]thiccbookshelf 2855 points2856 points  (60 children)

I just tell him to his face that it’s a treat when it is clearly a pill covered in peanut butter.

[–]jda404 1900 points1901 points  (44 children)

Same here, without the peanut butter. I just go, you want a treat like I normally would, and she comes running and scarfs the pill down. I then of course give her a real treat for being good :-)

[–]Clumsy_Chica 2021 points2022 points  (34 children)

I've made my pup's medicine a real high-value treat by making her do tricks before I give it to her lol

[–]PvMGod 114 points115 points  (13 children)

How does she behave afterwards? And do you typically follow it with an actual treat? If so how many, or just a regular one?

I'm getting a puppy soon so I want to know, thank you.

[–]wbs3164 19.7k points19.7k points  (392 children)

As a former lifeguard, I can assure you that whatever “cleanup” you see lifeguards doing after someone vomits in the pool is almost certainly just show. There isn’t really anything you can do, you just let the filter/chlorine take care of it and pretend to clean to please the suburban moms.

[–]TDLF 4778 points4779 points  (273 children)

I remember some kid shit in the pool and they closed it down for the remainder of the day. Is it different for shit?

Or same story. Just “come back tomorrow and it’ll be clean” and do nothing.

[–]ActuallyAButterfly 5978 points5979 points  (128 children)

Aquatics facility operator here.

For vomit, (mostly it’s just water that comes up because someone decided to drink the pool instead of play in it), we scoop out any chunks and clear the pool for 20 minutes to let the chlorine and other chemicals that are automatically fed into the pool do their job to kill any bacteria.

For poop, we have to shock the water with more chlorine to be sure all toxins in the fecal matter is killed. Once we put the shock in the pool, the water has a super high chlorine level. After mere minutes everything is dead, but we have to keep the pool closed for 4-12 hours (depends on how much shock we had to use, more for runny shits and less for solids) because that much chlorine will irritate skin.

[–]raeroflcopter 3081 points3082 points  (85 children)

I was also a lifeguard and we had to shock the pool for a solid like that. For vomit or diarrhea, we had to close everything and drain the pool. However, I worked at a small pool in a subdivision. I would imagine larger pools usually just shut down, shock the pool with a massive amount of chemicals, and reopen once it stabilizes back to acceptable swim levels.

[–]JuracekPark34 28.6k points28.6k points  (473 children)

The original Febreze was unscented, but nobody believed it worked so they added scent to it

[–]Ninclemdo 829 points830 points  (22 children)

You're telling me Febreze isn't just the smell? I thought the "odor-trapping" was the BS part.

[–]Stitch_Rose[🍰] 451 points452 points  (16 children)

Can’t remember where I saw this (so it could be wrong) but the odor trapping bubble action that’s seen on the ads is actually pretty close to what actually happens in real life.

[–]macrolith 517 points518 points  (6 children)

I believe I heard on radiolab or something but, the scented febreeze was very difficult to create because they needed to develop something that smelled good but wouldn't get neutralized by febreeze.

[–]SpartanE78 998 points999 points  (10 children)

I install semi truck bumpers. 90% of the time a customer will say it looks off by 1/8 of an inch. I’ll make a noise with the impact gun on a bolt and say “how’s that?”

“Yeah it looks great!”

Nothing moved whatsoever. Some guys are extremely critical I guess.

[–]Runs_N_Goses 2694 points2695 points  (37 children)

I sold Christmas trees as a kid in junior and senior high school. Learned a trick for super fussy customers who had me hold up multiple trees to show them.

After the tenth or so tree i'd yell to my coworker, " Hey Mike, if they don't want this one put it aside for me. Nicest tree i've seen this year." Worked like a charm!

[–]TinyHooman99 892 points893 points  (21 children)

When I see salesman doing this I always feel they're taking me for a fool. It seems like the oldest trick in the book, I wonder why people are still falling for this

[–]Goblintern 594 points595 points  (8 children)

People will fall for stairs, most people are dumber than they know

[–]_suspect_zero_ 29.0k points29.0k points  (383 children)

When my cat wants fresh food, but he still has some in his bowl, I pretend to put more in there. He usually falls for it.

[–]ahumandisaster 12.6k points12.6k points  (249 children)

Does the bowl have high sides? Eating out of bowls instead of flat plates can sometimes cause issues with their whiskers touching the side and being overstimulated, since they’re quite sensitive.

[–]_suspect_zero_ 5256 points5257 points  (147 children)

Indeed it does.

[–]ahumandisaster 9822 points9823 points  (127 children)

Try a flat plate, he might complain less. What you’re interpreting as “please food slave give me more food” might actually be “please food slave fix that thing where my whiskers feel weird when i try to eat this delicious chicken”

[–]iSempyi 3007 points3008 points  (40 children)

Huh. That makes sense. My cat always pulls out the food from the bowl and instead eating it on the floor

[–]carolathome 714 points715 points  (12 children)

My cat does that and his food is on a flat plate. Go figure.

[–]Toqom 186 points187 points  (6 children)

My dog does this, I assume it's to season it in dirt, yum?

[–]notnotaginger 3687 points3688 points  (32 children)

Either way you’re a food slave

[–]CruxOfTheIssue 723 points724 points  (13 children)

Always have been

[–]notnotaginger 223 points224 points  (6 children)

Try getting a dog, then you’re a food GOD.

(Jk, I adore cats too)

[–]kchkrusher 8834 points8835 points  (239 children)

Not sure if it’s really placebo, but there is research done on how a car door should sound when you close it. A flat and boring “pank” sound would do just fine but a lot of people find that soft, plush and yet firm “pshrompff” sound reassures them the door is closed.

Someone please do a better job here describing car doors closing because mine sucks.

[–]lizardkingCA 3059 points3060 points  (102 children)

My friends husband is a sound engineer (idk if that’s the right word) for this exact thing. His entire job is making sure that the car stuff “sounds right.”

[–]tiempo90 865 points866 points  (66 children)

how do you get a job like that?

[–]metalbassist33 518 points519 points  (23 children)

Get am engineering degree. Start working for a auto company. Fall into the team that handles that.

[–]Demetre4757 341 points342 points  (0 children)

Hey I totally heard it.

[–]Den1alzz 2541 points2542 points  (74 children)

A lot of these "psychology tricks and tips" you'll see online. Just in general, a lot of them have no scientific proof, but they work because everyone thinks they do. This is how i actually live my life, I just tell my self things like these and placebo myself into changing my mindset or mood, ya'll shld try it it works

[–]dskentucky 361 points362 points  (13 children)

I’m a big believer in the saying “It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking, than it is to think your way into a new way of acting.”

[–]dsynadinos 62.8k points62.8k points  (612 children)

How long it takes a Coinstar to process and count coins and return a receipt. It finishes quickly. So quickly that folks are skeptical of the accuracy. So a fake delay (with fake counting noises) was built in giving folks more confidence in the results.

[–]JaiC 22.5k points22.5k points  (178 children)

That's amusing and I absolutely believe it.

[–]blehmann1 9934 points9935 points  (164 children)

A lot of scans do this as well. (Not virus scans, those just take a damn long time), but sites that show you the best deals are often done in a hundred milliseconds. They're not really doing anything that intensive, just make a few requests to autotrader or whoever, which probably only returns 15 cars, and sort by lowest price.

But people wouldn't believe it was the best price if it came back instantly, they wouldn't think it looked hard enough. So they make them wait a little.

[–]risbia 3846 points3847 points  (90 children)

Definitely, I've used a "background check" website that goes through a big elaborate series of "scanning records" progress bar animations. They even divide it into segments like "checking criminal records," "checking property records" and so on. But here's the thing, they only do all this rigamarole if you search for someone's name on the main site, before you have made an account. After you make an account, the exact same kind of searches are done instantly.

[–]SiberianToaster 3490 points3491 points  (179 children)

Fuck it takes so long to do why can't I just opt out of that?

[–]OkSail2 4072 points4073 points  (151 children)

Because they saw the unintentional side effect of making the user look awkward, standing there waiting for the machine to quit clickity clacking, and decided it was too funny to not be mandatory.

[–]mikroscosmo 663 points664 points  (10 children)

The “keep my data private” button on websites

[–]Kittynoodlesoup 9879 points9880 points  (280 children)

That “free shipping” is a better deal. It generally means they’ve added the cost into the product instead, but you feel like you’ve gotten a better deal.

[–]LTSmash8 4671 points4672 points  (91 children)

This is 100% True, I used to sell furniture at a "no gimmicks" kind of place, where they were open about all cost, including delivery. I would do the math for people, show them how we were still saving them tons of money even with delivery, but some people would still walk out and go pay literally hundreds of dollars more for free delivery from Ashley's.

[–]nicoleyoung27 948 points949 points  (46 children)

And then buy another one in 2 years max from them again because Ashley Furniture is SHITE!!

[–]heartattk1 13.2k points13.2k points  (217 children)

I swear my car performs better immediately after it’s cleaned

[–]77173 2685 points2686 points  (44 children)

This one is true though.

[–]MrWildspeaker 2186 points2187 points  (36 children)

If Gran Turismo taught me anything, it’s that washing your car can add 5-10 hp.

[–]Pandaburn 38.6k points38.6k points  (580 children)

I’m not sure if it still does this, but at one time Google Docs intercepted the ctrl+s shortcut and briefly changes the cursor to the “thinking” cursor (hourglass, beachball, whatever your computer does).

You don’t need to save your google docs. They save every tiny change on the server. But people are used to doing it.

[–]Author1alIntent 3543 points3544 points  (140 children)

That’s like auto save in games, though. Very often I’ll manually save, too, just to be sure. In any sort of RPG I always keep three saves, in case anything corrupts or is broken.

[–]Jeffuk88 1689 points1690 points  (64 children)

Fallout new Vegas taught me this the hard way

[–]ChickenDelight 1219 points1220 points  (23 children)

"Oh, now all the NPC's are trying to murder me and I'm stuck between two rocks"

[–]samerige 23.4k points23.4k points  (293 children)

If I don't see a saving animation I'll assume the saving process didn't work.

[–]Pandaburn 10.6k points10.6k points  (252 children)

But that’s what I’m saying. There’s no saving process. The animation is the only thing that happens when you hit ctrl+s.

[–]gnaptick 13.3k points13.3k points  (187 children)

Listen, I have decades of paranoid gamer mentality that will not yield to your correctness.

[–]Callum-H 6056 points6057 points  (93 children)

Did I just save that?

Better save again just in case

[–]Festering_Flatulence 3013 points3014 points  (41 children)

Three more times

[–]gnaptick 1548 points1549 points  (15 children)

Then you go into the the game files and back up the save data.

[–]UcallmeNightHawk 24.5k points24.5k points  (507 children)

When cake mixes first came out you only had to add water to them, but too many housewives felt like that was cheating and wouldn’t buy cake mixes. So the cake mix companies added another step. The eggs. It worked, apparently the cracking and adding of the eggs to the batter was enough to make it feel more “homemade” and cake mixes became extremely popular.

[–]kittybricks 14.0k points14.0k points  (264 children)

Now I'm mad. I have probably 3 cake mixes in my pantry right now that I keep using up all my eggs before getting to make.

If it wasn't for those housewife's I would have had cake by now. Unbelievable.

[–]Na7yx 4118 points4119 points  (102 children)

You can actually make them without the eggs. Some say it actually tastes better. Chances are, the cake mix you have already has ingredients that act the same way the egg would

E: since so many people replied to this... go watch food theory!! Its a new channel by the creator of game theory, it just covered cake mixes in a video. (This is also the reason you may see so much stuff popping up about instant cake mixes)

[–]Braydee7 2248 points2249 points  (53 children)

The ingredient your looking for is lecithin (usually listed as soy lecithin in dry goods) and it occurs naturally in eggs.

Thanks Alton Brown.

Edit - Thanks for the cake day love. Also funny that my cake day is also my wife’s birthday where I made her a cake.

[–]Korganos-moon 38.9k points38.9k points  (1179 children)

Beats headphones have weights inside them to make them heavier and give the illusion of quality and sturdiness.

[–]uninventedword 8062 points8063 points  (285 children)

So... If the headphones are too heavy, I should disassemble them and remove the weights?

[–]RandomizedRedditUser 4938 points4939 points  (30 children)

Arguably yes, if they would be more comfortable lighter, you could.

[–]ksolis01 7252 points7253 points  (233 children)

Head over to r/headphones. We can hook you up with a much lighter headphone with higher quality sound for much cheaper than beats.

[–]LadleFullOfCrazy 27.8k points27.8k points  (993 children)

The exaggerated sounds of some vacuum cleaners, microwaves and cars to make them sound powerful. The loading screens on some apps that make it seem like they are doing something complex.

[–]haversack77 14.8k points14.8k points  (317 children)

I once spoke to a guy involved in developing the first ATM cash machines. Early trials showed that users thought that the dispensing of cash happened too fast and didn't trust that it had correctly debited their account for the right amount. So they inserted a wait cycle to make it appear that the machine was counting the cash. That wait cycle is still there today in most machines.

Edit: woke up to a billion replies telling me that the acronym ATM contains the word 'machine'. I know this, but I included both ATM and cash machine for those parts of the world where we don't really use the term ATM.

[–]Sharruk 5239 points5240 points  (166 children)

I still double check after a deposit. So I guess people like me are at fault.

[–]kallebo1337 2540 points2541 points  (129 children)

I once received nothing while being deducted 10! Still mad! Was a Students last money on 25th of month

[–]simplythebestdavid 1701 points1702 points  (86 children)

You can call the company and they can reverse the transaction once they’ve done their daily count to insure you didn’t actually get the money. At least a good company will do that. Lots of people call in and say they didn’t get money when they did in fact get their money. Sometimes security cameras will even see them take their cash and they’ll still claim they didn’t get it. It’s pretty commonplace.

[–]Senrikoh 1057 points1058 points  (66 children)

I once tried to deposited my paycheck at wells Fargo atm and it ended up taking the check of 480 and depositing 1 cent. I went inside the building and they told me they weren't responsible for their own atm.

[–]mbiz05 1213 points1214 points  (46 children)

Reason #3920374 for why to not use Wells Fargo

[–]Emberwake 669 points670 points  (18 children)

My ex inherited some cash from a deceased aunt. It was put in trust for her as a child in an account at Wells Fargo, and she was supposed to gain control once she graduated college.

So after she graduates, she takes her Driver's License, degree and transcripts down to the local Wells Fargo branch and applies to receive control of the account. They tell her they will get back to her in a few days. Two weeks later, they send a letter explaining that her signature doesn't match the one on record (a sample from when she was 6 years old) and they won't be releasing the account to her. We head back to the bank, she argues with the manager, who accuses her of attempting to defraud them.

She ended up having to get a lawyer to threaten to sue. And this was not over a lot of money, either.

[–]entreri22 481 points482 points  (2 children)

Lmao I'd be lucky to match the signature I made this morning.

[–]robchroma 134 points135 points  (5 children)

The idea that they'd just be like, "if we just refuse to give up the money we can keep it" is kind of disturbingly hilarious. They couldn't check ID, they had no other means of validation?

[–]Emberwake 105 points106 points  (4 children)

They did check her ID. That was the crazy part. She had every document they asked for, and they still straight up accused her of trying to rip them off.

[–]Drugbird 1317 points1318 points  (78 children)

I've been told that some apps / websites use artificial wait times / load screens to indicate that they're doing something while actually there not.

Example given was a hotel comparison website. Towards the end of a booking it has a "double checking for the best price" loading bar. That did literally nothing, as the website had no way of getting different data than was already shown to the user. However, this loading bar greatly increased user confidence that they got the best price.

[–]ApolloMac 1076 points1077 points  (34 children)

Any website thats telling you its crunching some numbers or double checking something is almost certainly not doing shit. Those numbers were crunched in a nanosecond, and to your point they pulled in the relevant information a long time ago so there is nothing to double check. It's all smoke and mirrors!

[–]Seaniard 972 points973 points  (8 children)

It's too bad you can't opt out of this. Flip a switch that says "I know computers are fast."

[–]funwithallama 649 points650 points  (24 children)

This is the computerized version of the shoe store employee telling you they’ll “go look in the back”

[–]DemonicTaco577 1139 points1140 points  (66 children)

Are you telling me the vacuum is made louder just to make it seem stronger???? Omfg who’s the idiot that thought that’d be good

[–]will101113 960 points961 points  (26 children)

Yeah they should be using how quiet they can make vacuums as a selling point

[–]SirThunderDump 1502 points1503 points  (67 children)

As a developer, a lot of the loading screens I've built are just the app doing nothing waiting for the server to do something.

[–]TCIsMaBoi 331 points332 points  (19 children)

Every time I've had to put in a loading wheel in I've just copied some CSS from the internet. God help anyone who thinks they're getting useful information from that.

[–]Patches67 703 points704 points  (6 children)

As soon as cats and dogs find out vacuum cleaners don't need to be so loud there's going to be some explaining to do.

[–]Back2Bach 3822 points3823 points  (99 children)

A scarecrow in the garden.

[–]CMAJ-7 1769 points1770 points  (52 children)

They do work briefly, but birds figure out its not a threat pretty fast. People try to remedy this by changing the location, position of the limbs and clothes it wears to keep it fresh.

[–]Atiggerx33 4492 points4493 points 2 (42 children)

I saw one farmer that used "wacky inflatable arm-flailing tube men". He had them set up so they'd go from sitting motionless to flailing dramatically every 10 mins or so (or maybe it was some sort of motion sensor?). Scared the absolute shit out of the birds, to be fair it scared the shit out of me too when I was looking at farm land and that fucker popped up randomly like a jack-in-the-box.

[–]jessie95531 1906 points1907 points  (16 children)

I don't know why that's so fuckin funny to me. Just imagining walking through a field of corn at dusk and having a wacky wavy tube guy from a car dealership pop up out of nowhere like a bad creepypasta. My god.

[–]Atiggerx33 690 points691 points  (3 children)

I screamed! Then began laughing hysterically when I realized what it was.

[–]costabius 939 points940 points  (1 child)

Hey now, gives the birds somewhere to sit while they are looking for bugs.

[–]datguydamage 1092 points1093 points  (14 children)

Wait, you're telling me, birds don't think this thing standing in one place doing absolutely nothing is a human?!

[–]AlexTraner 668 points669 points  (4 children)

Can’t imagine why, that’s exactly what I do.

[–]spawghetti-mobster 2891 points2892 points  (79 children)

I saw an article about how Apple Music made random selection less random because people would often complain the same artist would follow after a song so they made an algorithm to NOT select a song made by the same artist until after some songs

[–]adanndyboi 902 points903 points  (10 children)

Controlled randomness, if you will

[–]Individdy[🍰] 533 points534 points  (1 child)

Variety, really. Random selection doesn't ensure variety in the short term.

[–]sharrrper 2415 points2416 points  (71 children)

Bubbles in cleaning products.

Early formulations of soap WAY back when used to naturally form suds. Newer formulations can clean better but don't naturally produce suds as the bubbling was an incidental side effect that doesn't actually have any bearing on cleaning. When these newer soaps were first introduced people complained they didn't work because they didn't make loads of bubbles. So the manufacturers started adding a chemical solely to generate bubbles that didn't actually help with the cleaning at all and all the complaints stopped.

To this day the association of bubbles=clean is strong enough that they still do it. Basically all cleaning products, including toothpaste, foam up when used and almost without exception the foam is 100% marketing.

[–]NEWSmodsareTwats 401 points402 points  (12 children)

Wait really? A kitchen I used to work in had a thing in one of the dishwashing sinks that when turned on would churn up the water and make tons of bubbles. The dishwasher told me the bubbles helped to break down the grease by displacing it's molecular structure. But he was also an alcoholic who would give me a big slug of his drink everytime I went to the dish room so idk if he was the best source.

[–]whalethings 276 points277 points  (4 children)

So I’m sure this has happened to other people, but this question just reminded me of my principal.

During meetings and such he uses the school auditorium, and most of the time I (Senior now at the school) have to run the sound and lights.

He’s extremely annoying about it, and ALWAYS asks for his mic to be turned up when in reality, he’s already extremely loud and will bust the speakers.

I just pretend to turn it up and ask him if it’s good, and he speaks and says “that’s perfect, thank you!” I swear he thinks I’m doing an amazing job and would bring me a coke or something for dealing with the meetings half of the day.

Greatest placebo to use against others that I’ve done.

[–]CrazyCoKids 5028 points5029 points  (102 children)

Your "Permanent Record".

Colleges care more about what you say on Twitter and Facebook than what you said to Dakota in third grade. The only time your permanent record means something is if you transfer within the district.

[–]Bob-Chaos 1391 points1392 points  (8 children)

And the reason colleges care about that is because it’s much easier for the average person to find out what you said on Twitter than it is for them to find out stuff on your school record

[–]dancinadventures 10.3k points10.3k points  (117 children)

It is not uncommon to having a loading screen or icon placed in queries sometimes just because the average user doesn’t expect it to be this quick.

Intentional lag, on websites when signing up / payment processing.

Source:

I write code sometimes that work

[–]Lenaturnsgreen 4520 points4521 points  (88 children)

Milky or opaque white „moisturising“ body wash. It’s the same as the clear ones. It‘s not more moisturising, it just has white pigments in it. But because it’s not clear people associate it with lotion and think it’s better for the skin.

EDIT: I’m not saying moisturising body wash doesn’t work. But you shouldn’t assume something is more moisturising just because it’s white. A friend of mine who works at a big cosmetics company said the only difference in the formula of their normal and cream cleansers is white pigment. Instead of the colour check for gentle cleansing agents and ingredients like panthenol or oils.

[–]Ameme_Amarth 2441 points2442 points  (44 children)

Car doors should close really quietly but they're designed to close loudly so you feel safe.

[–]HarlanCedeno 26.4k points26.4k points  (696 children)

Airport Security. Homeland Security's own inspectors were able to get illegal items through TSA checkpoints 70% of the time.

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/ellistalton/2019/01/28/is-the-tsa-really-necessary/#3b35a5225e08

[–]Jayesspurr 12.6k points12.6k points  (230 children)

But they'll be damned if you think you're gonna get away with taking that water bottle or travel sized bottle of lube on the plane, sir!

[–]HarlanCedeno 7516 points7517 points  (178 children)

I specifically bought TSA travel sized bottles for my lube, but was still concerned that someone was going to ask me what it was for.

Best answer I could think of was "dry skin". Which, in a way, is honest.

[–]iamfrank75 6294 points6295 points  (131 children)

“It’s for fuckin’” is a perfectly acceptable answer.

[–]mr_ji 3370 points3371 points  (23 children)

"Buttfucking. What do you use it for?"

[–]Chesty_McRockhard 2230 points2231 points  (17 children)

"A little light jackin' now and again."

"Does this need to go in the carry on sir?"

"Absolutely."

[–]kittenburrito 1292 points1293 points  (70 children)

Should've just said that when a female TSA agent asked what my husband's Fleshlight was. 🤣 Her reaction to me just saying "a masturbation device" was still pretty great, though.

[–]mediaG33K 850 points851 points  (4 children)

Tell em it's to make searching your cavities less of a pain in the ass.

[–]reeegod 2168 points2169 points  (157 children)

One time in the middle of a flight during one of my dad's trips to Europe, knife fell out of his pocket, and he realized that it got through TSA and a few countries' security and customs

[–]HarlanCedeno 1198 points1199 points  (74 children)

I once got to a hotel for a work trip and while I was unpacking realized that I had a box cutter in my backpack the whole time.

[–]NecessaryPen7 1836 points1837 points  (43 children)

I interned in the White House after 9/11. Security would literally let paper lunch bags on the property without checking them.

Granted, these guys worked there, but once past security the President, past Presidents, anyone at high level would be walking around without secret service around them.

Walked up from the bathroom one day and Clinton & H.W. were standing there, alone, talking to like a longtime groundskeeper.

[–]carrotsoup23 567 points568 points  (0 children)

Ah, the place they stole toilet paper from pre-coronavirus

[–]im_a_bordercollie 25.6k points25.6k points  (699 children)

That minty fresh, zesty ‘clean’ feeling you get from toothpaste. It started as a marketing strategy and caught on, and now almost all toothpaste is mint because we associate the minty freshness with cleanliness.

Edit: Aw shucks, Silver? Thanks guys, it’s my first! I had no idea so many people hated mint.

[–]PenelopeGarcia65 4761 points4762 points  (69 children)

Actually it was to help mask the taste of the stannous fluoride.

[–]helinze 6485 points6486 points 22 (58 children)

Good move. Renly Flouride was the much sexier of the three Flouride brothers

[–]Idontevenknow558 1760 points1761 points  (32 children)

How dare you, Robert "Bobby" Flouride is the real beauty

[–]sheetskees 2114 points2115 points  (26 children)

GODS I WAS FOAMY THEN.

[–]jd_malinger 760 points761 points  (17 children)

PLAQUE ON AN OPEN JAW

[–]reefer_drabness 550 points551 points  (15 children)

ITS A NEAT LITTLE TRICK YOU DO, YOU MOVE YOUR LIPS, AND YOUR FATHERS TOOTHPASTE COMES OUT.

[–]sloppy_swish 7854 points7855 points  (332 children)

Also the whole foaming thing doesn’t do anything

[–]Dan514158351 5682 points5683 points  (263 children)

It's the sodium lauryl sulfate that's in the toothpaste. I use Sensodyne because i'm allergic to it and this toothpaste doesn't have it

[–]leantofu 1435 points1436 points  (175 children)

What was your reaction if you don't mind me asking? I started having mouth discomfort/canker sore problems in the corners of the inside of my mouth that seem to have gone away after using sensodyne for a bit, dunno if it's related.

[–]TheWisePlinyTheElder 1262 points1263 points  (73 children)

SLS is linked to canker sores in general, not just if you're allergic.

[–]Clenched-Jaw 1296 points1297 points  (27 children)

Jesus I read that as “cancer sores” and immediately felt the urge to google “what are cancer sores, and do I have them?”

[–]hobbykitjr 713 points714 points  (41 children)

That's it for me

SLS causes canker sores. Went away with sensoydine that doesn't have it. Slightly less foamy, but whatever

[–]Altruistic_Pumpkin 10.1k points10.1k points  (139 children)

Turkey doesn't have enough tryptophan to make you sleepy. You're most likely sleepy cause you ate too much and your body's in "rest and digest" mode. edit to add: It's a placebo when you eat a meal that includes turkey and say you're tired but eat a meal of the same calories and conditions with chicken instead and you don't feel tired. It's conditioned into American culture becuase of overeating at American Thanksgiving

[–]Wuff_the_Dog 3526 points3527 points  (19 children)

For some reason I thought this was about the country at first and I was very confused

[–]Stormfly 657 points658 points  (3 children)

This is why they don't want them in the EU.

The EU is afraid they'll have to share their tryptophan.

[–]ndu867 5024 points5025 points  (287 children)

Wine prices. They’ve done studies that show people think wine tastes better if it costs more, but when they do a blind taste test very few people, even people who are wine drinkers (not everyone, there are some people who can tell but it’s a pretty small percentage) can’t distinguish between pretty cheap (~$15-20 bottle) and expensive wine.

[–]curlyquinn02 5627 points5628 points  (296 children)

Drinking Canada Dry Ginger Ale helps with an upset tummy.

They where sued because their ginger ale has no ginger in it.

And that was the only stuff that helped when I had the stomach flu as a kid. I got the stomach flu a lot too

[–]MrsJetson 1761 points1762 points  (120 children)

Vernors, on the other hand, is basically a cure-all and you can’t convince me otherwise.

[–]south3rnson 7337 points7338 points  (150 children)

Who else mashed the down and a buttons on the ds or gameboy when they were trying to catch a new pokemon.

[–]EliteZephyr29 3611 points3612 points  (22 children)

I used to roll my thumb over the dpad to match the tilt of the Pokeball.

I remember that people used to say that saying "Gotcha!" into the mic doubles your chances of catching the Pokemon...

[–]IzzetTime 872 points873 points  (0 children)

But you have to make sure you time the "Gotcha!" right or it will drop the chances to 0%.

[–]stalefruitloops 115 points116 points  (0 children)

I used to do the same thing but with the face buttons instead

[–]Springball64 196 points197 points  (3 children)

No, no. That made it less likely. You have to time your A presses with when the ball is meant to shake.

Edit: I also tried shaking my DS to the rhythm too.

[–]VenusHalley 725 points726 points  (18 children)

When talking about lice, everybody starts to feel itchy.

[–]MeToolMovement 31.8k points31.8k points  (648 children)

I install commercial audio/video systems. On bigger, more involved jobs like stadiums and arenas, we have AV consultants who don't work for my company but are a big link in the chain, as far as designing and EQing the finished system. I don't know how many times I've been up in a 80' boom lift and they want the azimuth or down angle of a speaker adjusted by some ridiculously small amount.

So you get (back) up there, bang a couple wrenches on the speaker, and don't actually move shit.

"How's that?"

"Oh yeah. That sounds better."

Works every goddamn time.

[–]FFXIV_Aeria 4956 points4957 points  (52 children)

When I was in my film major in college our audio professor told us to have some spare cables on hand to wire up a dummy on the control board. Just a big obvious cord coming out of the controls and wired into nothing, stuffed behind an apple box or something. "If it sounds perfectly fine to you," he said, "just twist or slide something on the dummy channel ever so slightly and play it again."

[–]exceptyourewrong 2827 points2828 points  (17 children)

There's a famous story like that about the Beach Boys. The Wilson brothers father was their manager and a complete control freak. During recording session he always wanted to make changes, so they gave him a mixing board of his own. He never knew it wasn't actually connected to anything.

[–]N33chy 916 points917 points  (7 children)

Like a fake wheel in the passenger seat for babies.

[–]wumbopower 11.4k points11.4k points  (148 children)

There’s actually a story like that when Michaelangelo was carving the statue of David. Whoever he was making the statue for stopped by and said the nose was too big, but it only appeared that way because he was looking at it from directly beneath. So Michaelangelo went up and pretended to carve it down and dropped some previously carved shavings to save arguing.

[–]mimicurrymango 6010 points6011 points  (118 children)

I can't tell you how many times I did this to my uppity professor in art school. Worked like a fucken charm every time.

[–]yourmom___69 2506 points2507 points  (86 children)

Doesn’t sound like a very good professor.

[–]mimicurrymango 2399 points2400 points  (17 children)

No, he basically just had a tenure and connections.

[–]AdakaR 1296 points1297 points  (61 children)

It's a human flaw, people want to contribute even if there is nothing to contribute so they make shit up. It's not unheard of for SW designers to just have a dummy stupid design so people can vote to remove it and 'contribute'.

[–]tanokkosworld 499 points500 points  (18 children)

Quasi-related to the bikeshed effect.

Story goes, there's a big commission on designing a nuclear power plant. Most people aren't experts, and, y'know, nuclear power plant design is hard. So the easiest decisions for them are the ones that solve big and hard problems, because only a few people in the commission actually have valuable things to contribute to those. Discussions about steam flow and which model of reactor vessel they should order, this and that. The hardest decisions are the ones that solve tiny problems, or no problems at all, conversations that everyone can contribute to. Like... what colour to paint the bikeshed.

[–]jstamey 834 points835 points  (7 children)

This applies to lots of construction. Did this with fence posts for years. Good stuff

[–]hobbestigertx 1158 points1159 points  (132 children)

Using gas with a higher octane rating than what the manufacturer recommends. "My car runs so much better on Premium than Regular..."

Octane rating of gasoline is not a measurement of how much energy is in fuel, it is a measurement of how resistant to "pre-detonation" is is.

If the manufacturer says to use 87, putting 91 or 93 into the vehicle makes no difference. The car cannot tell a higher octane fuel is being used. It can only tell if a LOWER octane fuel MIGHT be used by virtue of the knock sensor. If the sensor detects knocking or pinging, the computer will retard the timing to eliminate the knock. Pulling timing can reduce the amount of power the engine makes.

The fuel map the computer uses to manage your engine is made for a specific octane rating. On high performance cars, the compression is higher and the timing is more aggressive, therefore high octane is necessary.

If your car says it REQUIRES premium, use it. If it says RECOMMENDED, regular can be used unless the vehicle is under heavy load. Don't spend 15% more on gas because your car "feels like it runs better" on premium.

[–]jester1k 3068 points3069 points  (54 children)

For men - shaving their beard makes it grow "thicker". This not the case, shaving only makes all hair grow at the same, giving the illusion that more or new hair is growing when in reality it is not.

EDIT: Yes it this is true with all hair, and women also go through similar situations of being berated with people telling them fallacies about hair. I had only the thought of beard thickness when I typed that.

[–]noodlessoup6996 899 points900 points  (6 children)

To add on to your point; it’s also the angle of the cut!

Normal growing hair is thinner on the end almost creating a “point”, shaved hair has a blunt end.

[–]GreenGlowingMonkey 589 points590 points  (10 children)

I'm of the opinion that this urban legend was started by parents to give their teenagers an incentive to shave frequently rather than trying to grow out their dirt-stache or weird, patchy goatee.

[–]ScrotumHair 11.7k points11.7k points  (312 children)

"Detoxifying" nonsense juices. Your body's liver and Kidneys are enough to detoxify your blood. You don't need avocado smoothie with cow's cum inside it.

[–]-eagle73 3113 points3114 points  (105 children)

And water is all you need.

Except sometimes salt/electrolytes to retain that water, as I've recently learned.

[–]bravocadets 5991 points5992 points  (117 children)

Kissing a boo boo

[–]yellowbop 199 points200 points  (12 children)

When I was a camp counselor I had a “magic recipe” for curing all minor injuries (scraped knees, bumped elbows, if a kid tripped and landed hard, nothing that actually required medical attention). 5 sips of water, 4 deep breaths, spin in a circle 3 times, 2 high fives, 1 hug. After the initial calming down with the water and the deep breaths, they would be smiling from the spinning and high fives. The hug was optional but lots of kids feel so much better if you take them seriously even for 30 seconds

[–]Kassiesaurus 2076 points2077 points  (5 children)

My 4-year-old nephew would like to have words with you, good person.

[–]itsrachyrach 915 points916 points  (37 children)

Alot of the cold prevention medications (like Coldfx or something similar) a test was done on some of them and they were often found to be not much more than a sugar pill.

Also, those vitamin gummy bears. We studied them in school and they are often not much different than regular gummy bears. There are often not as much vitamins in them as they say. Most of the ones that say they are good for hair and nails, people say they work but that’s because it’s the gelatine that’s good for your hair and nails.

Edit: wow, I’ve never had one of my comments get lots of comments like this! Just want to clarify for the gummies, There are definitely some that are better than others (not sure which brands) but my understanding of it is, it’s usually better to take either and actual vitamin pill or eat food that is higher in the vitamin you are looking for. Many of the gummies contain some sort of processed sugar so its seen as less healthy option. I guess you don’t have to completely write them off, but there are definitely many of them that are B.S-ing people.

[–]Bob-Chaos 484 points485 points  (13 children)

You gotta admit though that gummy bears are a very tasty way to eat ground up animal bones

[–]PlumPenguin 3379 points3380 points  (170 children)

Branded painkillers. Cheap stuff is normally exactly the same and does just the job

[–]businessgator 356 points357 points  (12 children)

When I repair smartphone or computer, and if something takes me 10 minutes or less, I usually stall because customer don´t want to pay the agree amount and want to haggle, because I did it too fast.

So I let them wait 25-30 minutes, and they will pay happily.

[–]Abacus118 170 points171 points  (1 child)

When my younger brother was a kid, the doctor told him that sitting on a grocery bag will keep him from getting sick in the car.

The real trick here of course is that if he does get sick he has a bag to throw up into.

He's in his 20s now and he still doesn't believe me that it's just a trick, because it worked.

[–]datguydamage 12.9k points12.9k points  (108 children)

Dislikes on YT comments

[–]Madeleineromero404 6462 points6463 points  (81 children)

I never understood that, the numbers don't even go down

[–]08wat 6754 points6755 points  (52 children)

The numbers don't but the comment moves further down in the list. If you go to a neutral comment, dislike it and then refresh, it'll be significantly lower down

[–]Racingstripe 1163 points1164 points  (4 children)

They don't change the score but do give them less visibility, or so I heard.

[–]looking4astronauts 11.7k points11.7k points  (390 children)

You’re not acting like an insane person because you ate sugar.

[–]VonAshley 2420 points2421 points  (33 children)

I remember Super Nanny doing a test on this in a documentary. She threw a kids party, gave half the kids sugary snacks and half healthy snacks and the parents had to guess what their kid was given. Almost all of them were wrong

[–]nails_for_breakfast 8239 points8240 points  (180 children)

Yep, even for kids. They aren't acting wild because they ate sugar. They're acting wild because

A.) You told them that's what happens when they eat sugar.

B.) Most of the time they have an opportunity to eat a bunch of sugar it's while doing something fun and exciting (birthday party, trick or treating, etc.)

Edit: looks like plecebo effects work on observers too

[–]Duel_Loser 3462 points3463 points  (12 children)

C.) Parents will often try to preemptively control their kid's outburst, making them rebel against them and act crazy.

[–]BatmanandReuben 1280 points1281 points  (50 children)

When I eat too much sugar I get sleepy, but I’m insane all the time.

[–]LtSpinx 953 points954 points  (37 children)

This might sound a bit odd, but have you been tested for diabetes recently?

[–]BatmanandReuben 922 points923 points  (18 children)

Yes, and I’m okay, just small and sometimes prone to excess. Good looking out though.