all 106 comments

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[–]QueenMoogle 584 points585 points  (12 children)

“Girlfriend, your recent behaviors on WhatsApp and Twitter have left me feeling very hurt and very confused about where I stand in this relationship with you. This is something I want to discuss more with you, but I need some time and space to process my feelings and mull things over. I’m planning on spending this weekend to myself so that I can do that. I will contact you on Monday when I’m ready to discuss this at length.”

[–]feedmedamemes 197 points198 points  (8 children)

Copy this OP if you want to be non-confrontational. But I'm honest here, she posted on socials that she is single. There is a lot of stuff that can happen in a relationship but denying in public is pretty much a power move and I wouldn't be able to see past that.

So here would be my (granted incredible petty) version: Hi gf, I found out that you posted on socials media, that you were single. Now I will give you the opportunity this weekend. Talk to you Monday about getting my things.

[–]Ifiwerenyourshoes 46 points47 points  (5 children)

I like that one better than the first. If it were me, mine would say, nothing, just screen shots, then I would ghost her, leave her on read, and start dating immediately.

[–]Thesunswalloedme 8 points9 points  (0 children)

User name checks out

[–]ZofiaBizzy -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

Why are some users here so toxiic I don‘t understand. This is a subreddit for relationship advice not advice for how to be resentful forever and stay alone :(

[–]Ifiwerenyourshoes 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How is this advice being resentful? I said I would be gone. If my partner wants to be single then be single.

[–]Shaydills -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ngl this is the most resentful comment right here lol....

[–]carolbaskin_inthesun -1 points0 points  (1 child)

😂 that’s harsh

[–]feedmedamemes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Not as harsh as public announcing that you're single while you are not.

[–]is_that_read 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Personally I would just say time for a weekend away on twister and my WhatsApp statuses

[–]Outside-Apartment52840s 9 points10 points  (0 children)

pretty good !!!

Op should just copy/paste this text

[–]I_am_Morgana_le_FaeEarly 30s Female 83 points84 points  (19 children)

I would suggest just being honest. You've got a lot on your mind and need a few days with yourself to sort it all out.

Have you talked to her about any of this yet? It may be time for a conversation.

[–]OblongRectum 167 points168 points  (10 children)

She has been posting WhatsApp statuses that seem to suggest she could easily move on, and recently, she responded to a tweet stating that she is single

Bruh, she's already checked out. you don't owe her anything, just fucking bounce without a word

[–]ValtronW 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this. This relationship is dead in the water.

I have been with my husband for 10 years (married for 3) and I have never once seriously thought about being with anyone else, even after our worst fights. I don't think we're the most perfect, flawless couple, but he is my person and I am his. Everyone deserves to feel that way.

[–]ReplyOk6720 7 points8 points  (6 children)

"she responded to a tweet stating she is single". This is worded confusingly. Can you post it? Was it, someone tweeting some truth about being single and she liked it? Or someone asking if she was single and she tweeted back yes she's single?

[–]OblongRectum 1 point2 points  (3 children)

She posted on another persons tweet that she is single, or someone tweeted directly at her and she said she was single. Either way, she said she was single.

edit: also did you mean to reply directly to OP instead?

[–]ReplyOk6720 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oops yeah. Maybe it's my reading comprehension I thought her responding to a post about being single, could mean something else

[–]Kerrypurple 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The whole thing is worded confusingly. We can't really give advice if we don't have a clear picture of what she's doing.

[–]OblongRectum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

why are you asking me? I'm quoting OP

[–]beyondqueens 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I feel like ghosting her is just being as immature and uncaring as her. I know it’s popular to preach hyper independence, but human beings do owe each other communication and care, especially if they have been in a relationship!

[–]OblongRectum 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Theyre not in a relationship. She's said already she is single.

edit: and it's ghosting is not inherently immature.

[–]Lirael1992 67 points68 points  (1 child)

'hey I saw you tweeted that you're single, I wanted to check what you think the status of our relationship is because I was under the impression that we are together but if that's not the case I'd like to know sooner rather than later'

Then ' I'm feeling pretty hurt by some of the things you've put on social media recently, I just need a bit of time away to reset, i'll be unreachable on these dates... I hope you understand.'

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is how I’d like to say I’d respond. And it’s probably the best way as you’ve said you care about her and want to talk about it.

[–]Plenty_Surprise2593 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Girl: I’m single!

Boy: I need a weekend to decide what to do

[–]synthetic_aesthetic 17 points18 points  (0 children)

OP I suspect you DO know how to bring this up politely and you might be fearful that she will be reactive anyway, without regard to how polite you are. I’m not saying that is the case with certainty, but IF it is, then you need to ask yourself if you are comfortable being in a relationship with someone who is unreceptive to communication.

[–]Overall-Stop-8573 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Bro. Come on. You're 32, you're too old for this shit. Why do you feel like you have to approach this so gently? She's the one behaving poorly. Get some self respect, tell her straight. You deserve better.

"If you want to be single so badly then be my guest. You're too old to be playing passive aggressive power games via social media and I've got too much respect for myself to sit here and take it. Either have an adult conversation with me about why you're behaving this way or I'm done. I'm taking the weekend to think about our future, I suggest you do the same."

[–]Appropriate-Art-9712 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with this, though I will say the OP sounds like a gentleman. I do think that after 30 we all need to stop playing these games and get straight to the point.His girlfriend , something else. I’d let her be my guest and consider myself single. That behavior is not acceptable in a relationship .

[–]altcastle 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you post that you’re single, you’re single. That makes you single too, sorry.

[–]Molsen10000 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Tell her you need a weekend off to update ALL your SOCIAL MEDIA STATUSES.

Explain some people seem to do this rashly. You want to get it right.

[–]HandGunslinger 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"How can I politely express my need for a weekend apart to gather my thoughts and process my feelings? Additionally, how can I initiate a conversation about the status of our relationship without sounding accusatory or confrontational?" Dude, just simply tell her that you won't be seeing her next weekend, as you've got something personal to take care of.

If she insists on knowing the details, simply tell her you're trying to decide whether or not to break up with her. If you're on the phone, and she insists on coming to your place, don't worry about not sounding "accusatory or confrontational", as you have good reason to confront her.

There are some things that are difficult to relate in a polite manner, and her actions are the reason for the confrontation. All that being said, it seems plain that she's beginning to look for your replacement, so it's better to get the whole thing out in the open.

'Nuff said.

[–]goldencricket3Early 30s Female 12 points13 points  (4 children)

Info: do you live together?

"babe, I love you but I am insanely overwhelmed. Your recent actions on Whatsapp and Twitter have me very confused. I really would like to discuss this with you but I need the weekend by myself to think. I'm doing a little "mini-me" retreat and I'll have my phone off for the weekend. I know I respect you, so I'm hoping you can respect me and my needs for this weekend to be no-contact while I figure out how to express what I'm feeling without being hurtful. Thank you for respecting my opinion and needs. Talk to you Monday."

Make sure you use an assumptive close. And then mute notifications for the weekend from her. If you see her name pop up, don't read it, definitely don't answer it, and just be in your own space.

I think a little you-retreat is exactly what the doc ordered.

[–]ahabsy 2 points3 points  (3 children)

We don't live together, however, she normally comes to my place for a day usually on the weekend.

[–]goldencricket3Early 30s Female 14 points15 points  (2 children)

that makes it a little easier then. Yep, I would send that as a text so you don't hear her attitude if you were to call her about that. And then silence your phone for the weekend. Get fresh air. Eat nourishing food. ♥ Hang in there, take deep breaths, write if you need to. Clarity will come.

[–]ahabsy 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Thanks a lot

[–]SoulSiren_22 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"I love and respect you. I feel a bit overwhelmed with stuff that has been happening over the last few weeks and I need some time to myself to gather my thoughts and recharge. I'll take time for myself this weekend, but would love to connect with you as soon as we can the week after."

[–]BackYourself1954 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thats grounds for straight up dumping her. She's portraying herself as single. That's all you need to know. Make it a reality for her. No conversation necessary. Just have some self-respect and end it.

[–]ibage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's over bro. Get out.

[–]hatportfolio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She has been posting WhatsApp statuses that seem to suggest she could easily move on, and recently, she responded to a tweet stating that she is single.


How can I politely express my need for a weekend apart to gather my thoughts and process my feelings?

You don't. You just take the weekend off. She did not consider you when tweeting that bullshit, I fail to see what consideration if any would she deserve for you to actually meditate about it.

[–]seasoneverylayer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

‘Why did you tweet that you’re single?’

Pretty simple dude.

[–]SouthernTrauma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why all the angst? Why not just ask her wtf? Then break up with her and let her be single.

[–]ringringbananarchy00 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You need to ask yourself why, at 32 years old, you’re acting like a teenager and dating a 26 year old who you don’t know how to communicate with.

I mean this kindly, but you need to spend some time single and learn about being in an adult relationship. You don’t seem to know how.

[–]shirohane2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just be honest, that tweet is a red flag, if want she wants is a closure, you can barely do anything but to accept it.

[–]lucuma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"How, saw you said your single. I am too so I need a permanent break from your toxicity".

Hope it helps.

[–]The-invisible-entity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol last time I did this, I was in a high speed chase up a highway…….

[–]marcelyns 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP it seems like you are the only one that thinks you have a relationship.

[–]tmink0220 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You just did to us, send it to her. It explains well why, your concerns and what you are going to do. She is half moved on...So really figure it out quick, and don't worry so much about her. You take care of you. She is not.

[–]LhasaApsoSmile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Forget the weekend. Sit down and ask her directly: on social you say you're single. Is that what you want? Are you committed to me or not?

Depending on how that conversation goes you can have a lot of free weekends.

[–]adiboxer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just rip the bandaid off dude. Sit her down and tell her what you need too it's not that hard. Sounds like she single already anyways so it shouldn't be hard on her lol

[–]Sheila_Monarch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seems like she’s trying to get your attention…in a completely passive aggressive, annoying way.

Why is she mad at you? If you’re not aware of any reason she is, have you been dating for a long time and she’s maybe getting tired of waiting for you to propose or something? Just a wild guess.

[–]LivingInTomorrow29Early 30s Female 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm confused, why do you want to show her respect when she's shown you none?

Honestly I would just break things off at this point, because it sounds like she already has... or at the very least, talk to her now.

[–]Proud-Complex-5267 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just tell her why, and maybe it will save you both time and she might just admit she wants to end the relationship.

But if she tries to gaslight you, you take the weekend off away.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you the girlfriend writing this?? I am not sensing any masculine energy on this post, is this the male or the female?

[–]West_Coyote_3686 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro she marked her status as single. That said everything. You do you with no explanation. It sounds like she already had someone else in mind.

[–]iSurvivedltd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be specific. Tell her the comments she’s made on social media and whats app are concerning and that you need time off to think about it. Suggest she takes time to think as well. When the weekend is over discuss the issues at hand in depth and make a decision on whether or not you wanna move forward.

[–]Altostratus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure what you hope time apart will achieve. If you’re confused about what’s going on with her, distancing yourself will not provide answers.

[–]HairyPairatestes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Instead taking a weekend off, talk to her.

[–]shontsu 0 points1 point  (0 children)


So she's telling people she's single, and you're concerned about how to ask her permission to spend a weekend away?

Just tell her you're going to be away for a weekend. I kinda doubt she'll care.

[–]LufasaMufasa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She said that she is single. That told you everything you need to know about what she wants. I would recommend telling her you saw it and that you will let that be true. If you want to be polite about it, say "I want to respect your wishes to be single" or something like that.

[–]crozinator33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you sure you actually have a girlfriend? It doesn't really sound like she thinks she has a boyfriend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe don't confront her right away and just make an excuse for going away for the weekend if thats what you want. If you told her that is about her behavior in social media she would want to reply right away and maybe justify herself and yall will end up having the discussion immediately.

If you feel like having some time to think before confronting her to prepare yourself then make up something, family trip or a business meeting and get a weekend for your own and talk to her on Monday.

If you don't feel like lying just tell her you have a lot on your plate and you need some time away but do not tell her concerning to what. Tell her you don't feel like talking right now and it is better to wait until Monday

[–]thenord321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm currently going through a challenging time in my relationship and could really use some outside perspective and advice. I'll try to provide as much context as possible, so bear with me.

Sounds like you need a "boys weekend" with some friends and a few beers to talk through what's going on and get some support.

You don't need to tell her "I'm reconsidering our whole relationship." Just tell her you're busy X weekend with your bros only.

It's hard to tell how long you've been together and living arrangements, but figure something out. Either go over to a friend's place or camping or just don't invite her over, etc.

[–]FeedbackOk5928 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her that you need some space and time and tell her because you don’t like how she’s been acting lately.

[–]Livid-Addendum707 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So here’s the thing, you’re an adult not a child you should be able to communicate with your partner about something you’re not comfortable with. Her behavior is alarming that doesn’t mean run away for a weekend, it means find out what she intends out of these posts. It seems she’s checked out, just confirm and move on.

[–]butterscotchMo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my opinion, you should come clean and let her know you've been aware of her recent comments on social media and that you take them as seriously as you take your relationship together. Go on to tell her how you will need some time over the weekend to process your thoughts and be sure you are not making a mountain over a molehill, and you will love to do this without any form of infringement in each other's space and thoughts. And how this will also be good for her to reflect on the situation before coming back together the following Monday to discuss it.

[–]Greenestates2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Young man If she’s posting that she is already single you might get more than a weekend. It seems like you care more about this relationship than she does. Tell her: “ I’m not gonna be available next weekend. If she ask “why”?, tell her the truth. I’m not really sure where we are in this relationship based on some recent messages I’ve seen from you, and so to give you and I some time to figure that out this is what we need to do. I will hit back when I’m available.”

Now what you do in that time is seriously consider her actions and wether or not you willing to look passed them. Gauge her reaction to your statement and make your decision. Good luck.

[–]pixsmith111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure why you need a weekend away from her. This seems to never go over the way people plan, it all works out in the end and when your trapped or back to being faithful you find out they "cheated )" while you were on a "break". Confront and or move on.

[–]VinnyVincinny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just tell her you've got a lot of things on your mind and you need a solo, meditative weekend. Tell her you'll call her at - whenever you think you'll want to check in with her.

If she knows you see her posts, she might also have a lot of things on her mind she needs to think about.

And then follow through. Don't respond to texts. Don't answer her calls.

[–]Certain-Sock-7680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jeez, talk about walking on eggshells with this girl. Why do you need a weekend alone to process how you feel? How you feel is how you feel NOW. This girl disrespected you massively and the strong move is either to dump her or at least simply tell her how you feel and then see what she says. But “expressing a need for a weekend apart”? Just sounds like weak sauce to me, just as liking her “I’m single” post. This girl has likely zero respect for you now, and you should simply man up and return her to the streets from whence she came.

[–]TimeShareOnMars -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Gell her her insulting statuses and claims to be single have not gone un-noticed. Tell her you need some time apart to think about the relationship status.

Rest assured, she will likely take this an opportunity to have a hall pass..though. don't expect the break to solve anything. Really, it is just a time to get your thoughts and emotions in order...

[–]ChanceAd3606 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mate wtf are you worried about being polite for? Don't get angry or violent, but you have every right to ask her to her face what she means with these posts and you have every right to be frustrated when you ask her.

[–]zuicun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's broken up with you buddy. Just go.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why can’t you have a conversation about this? Have you tried that?

In every relationship I’ve been in, taking a break leads to a breakup. I think having a conversation about exactly what you said would be better. Unless you’re afraid to deal with confrontation, which I totally get. But it’s usually delaying the inevitable of having to have this conversation anyway.

[–]Dbcolo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She said she is single allow he to be single and move on. "So let it be written so let it be done"- Yul Brynner.

[–]LadyKlepsydra 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that is incredibly rude of her. I know my answer is kinda hostile, but I would honestly consider myself single if my partner wrote publicly that we were not a couple. I would consider that a form of dumping me, albeit very cold and disrespectful. Still a break-up tho. And I would inform such a partner that since we are no longer a couple, I now need time to heal after the break-up so obviously we are not seeing each other this weekend, or any other. Since, you know. We are broken up via a tweet. And exes don't really continue their weekend dates.

But I get that this may be too aggressive and mean. It's just that her behavior is really bad.

[–]imtkoda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems as if she already mentally and emotionally left the relationship. Definitely need to talk to her first about the state of your relationship rather than just asking for a weekend alone

[–]nateofallnates 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's pretty fuckin clear how she views you. Get off reddit and dump her ass unless you want to continue being treated like a doormat.

[–]6nQKqDdd23FbJEpb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she wants to be single let her be single.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a question: if you’re in a relationship, why do you feel the need to address your concerns in a polite, formal way? Why not just be direct like ‘hey I saw your social media posts, what gives? I think we need time apart.’

I’m wondering if communication is usually an issue for you guys because it seems like it’s hard for you to talk to your gf?

[–]IkeHello 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just know, if you take the weekend off, she is definitely using the opportunity to cheat

[–]Immediate_Author1051 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her exactly everything you’ve told us and that you will be taking a weekend off. And don’t ask for permission, say “this is what I am doing and I will not be swayed.”

She publicly denied your relationship. What more is there to discuss?

[–]worstnameever2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's posting updates about her being single and your worried about not upsetting her when you ask for some alone time? Come on man.

[–]Shaydills 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn everyone here is very....dramatic lol.

It's social media. It's not real life. People like and comment on all sorts of stuff.

Devils advocate here, howabout you just say "hey [gf], I noticed these things you've posted or retweeted lately.can you please tell me what they mean? Because in my head, they mean _________. Can you tell me what your thoughts are and how you're feeling?"

Once she explains, tell her "okay, thanks for clarifying why you posted those things. This is how I felt when I saw them ________. For that reason, I think I need some time to process for the weekend. I am going to spend the weekend on my own think about it. Please know this is not me abandoning you or threatening to breakup. I still love you and I am not leaving you right now. I just need time to process on my own."

And then take a weekend to calm down. If you still feel like it was a deal breaker after all that, then breakup.

Remember OP: your thoughts are what create your feelings. Just because you are giving meaning to her actions in your own head, doesn't mean she had given those actions the same meaning in hers. Give her a chance to explain what those actions meant to her before you go assuming. That being said, you're entitled to your boundaries, and if you think she crossed a boundary and it made you feel some type of way, you're allowed to break up with her for that. You're entitled to wanting her to present herself a certain way in public (i.e., not single and not angry about being not single). She's entitled to post whatever she wants as well. If you two don't align on that, you have the right to consider it a deal breaker. Thats your prerogative.

[–]Perfect_Delivery_509 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean she flat out said she was single, you sure she's your girlfriend, there's kinda no explaining out of that one. Either she doesn't think your in a relationship or she's looking for a new boyfriend?