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What's A Useful Tip That Can Save Your Life One Day? by u-repack in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 209 points210 points  (0 children)

When Little Timmy lost his way
Across the forest floor -
He wandered aimless night and day
For half a week or more.

He tried to find a stream to track,
Or plot a path with ease -
But always found it brought him back
To nothing more than trees.

"I think I know a fact," he said:
"A thing to figure out -
The perfect means to move ahead
Whenever you're in doubt!"

And so he stood and stared at all
The stars to find his guide.

Alas, he never could recall.

And Timmy fucking died.

If your penis made a noise every time it got hard, what would you want the noise to be? by yodaman5606 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 5451 points5452 points 2& 2 more (0 children)

He stands in her bedroom -
she lies on her bed.
She's eager and ready and waiting ahead.
His overalls fall to the carpeting, free.

He faces her naked.

He says:

"It's a me."

What’s your non drug addiction? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 2844 points2845 points  (0 children)

I could quit it in a minute -
I could turn the other cheek -
I could visit what was in it
And then close it for a week -
I have heeded what it's hosted -
I have noticed every thread -
I have pondered what was posted,
What was written,
what was said -
See my screen's forever rolling,
And there's nothing left to say -
So I'll say goodbye to scrolling.

Maybe later.

Not today.

People who wake up at 5am daily, why? by That_Late_Bloomer in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 866 points867 points 2 (0 children)

If this trend continues I will be getting up before I've gone to bed.

At midnight tomorrow he headed to bed -
And woke up today with the sunrise instead.
"My goodness," he whispered, and went back for more -
And rose from his pillow the evening before.

"Well this is stupendously silly," he spoke -
"My system for sleeping is totally broke!"
He turned in his covers to slumber again.

And woke in the morning.

But heavens knows when.

People who wake up at 5am daily, why? by That_Late_Bloomer in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 4296 points4297 points  (0 children)

Do you think I’m doing this on purpose?

He stirs at dawn and rubs his eyes.
He checks the time and slowly sighs.
He's wide awake.
He's out of luck.

He yawns and softly whispers:

"... fuck."

People who wake up at 5am daily, why? by That_Late_Bloomer in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 2690 points2691 points 2 (0 children)

And when the dawn is mine alone,
The sun to savor on my own,
I pause a while in perfect bliss,
And know
that life
was made
for this.

Older women of reddit, what is something young women are doing that puzzles you? by IslamicAnime in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 4391 points4392 points 2& 2 more (0 children)

I’m so impressed with the makeup skills of teen girls!!! I still can’t do an even wing or proper eye shadow.

She could shade and she could shadow,
She could blush and she could blend -
She could curl and she could contour,
And I couldn't comprehend.

She knew every color palette,
And procedure to conceal -
So that by the time she'd finished,
I would wonder what was real.

She could prime and she could powder,
She could pluck an errant brow -
While I sat before the mirror,
And I tried to work out how.

Older women of reddit, what is something young women are doing that puzzles you? by IslamicAnime in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1007 points1008 points  (0 children)

They have these precious rights to be free, to be educated, to be heard, and they don't care!

I should rather be dependent
Than reliant on myself -
So when people come to find me,
They can pluck me from a shelf.

They can shape me how they want to,
They can bend me to their will -
I shall be an idle vessel
Full of empty space to fill.

Give me stances and perspectives
Or opinions indiscreet -
And I'll echo them forever
And forever on repeat.

I shall never want for freedom,
Nor desire a voice to share -
You can keep your self-reliance,
For I simply do not care.

There's a saying : "You don't bring a knife to a gun fight" so theoretically speaking, what other weapon - not including guns- would you bring to a gun fight ? by Shamarlow in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1272 points1273 points  (0 children)

The dog approached, prepared to maim,
Until, that is, the monkey came.

He paused at once.

He was no fool.

He backed away and said:

"... we cool."

There's a saying : "You don't bring a knife to a gun fight" so theoretically speaking, what other weapon - not including guns- would you bring to a gun fight ? by Shamarlow in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 542 points543 points  (0 children)

He lay in the silence, a second from death -
A smile on his lips with the last of his breath -
A laugh in his voice as he struggled to say:

"I have not succeeded...

... but neither have they!"

What is the worst physical pain you have ever experienced? by My_Name_Is_SKELETOR in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1901 points1902 points  (0 children)

And as they viewed the broken wreck,
His ruptured spleen, his shattered neck,
His torso torched by flare and match,
He smiled and said:

"... 'tis but a scratch."

How much would you pay for a list of everyone who has ever sexually fantasized about or masturbated to you? Why? by ComprehensiveBend386 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 2424 points2425 points  (0 children)

Thanks, now he'll have to order specially made paper with a u/blubbery-blumpkin watermark on it. Do you realise how much that will cost him?

She looked at the name on the paper ahead -
And narrowed her eyes as she silently read.
"Who is that?" she asked him,
and after a while -

"Oh, no one," he said with a sigh and a smile.

What's the boner etiquette at a strip club? by giant_dwarf_1 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 4947 points4948 points  (0 children)

So, don't wrap a dollar bill round it and tie it on there with a rubber band then?

He watched the helicockter spin,
The whirling, twirling fun begin -
The roundabout,
the giddy wheel,
The gyroscope in cuban heel.

He watched the phallus bird take flight,
Depart the nest at pelvis height.

He searched his pocket with his hand -

And from it drew a rubber band.

What are some really dangerous things most people dont realise are dangerous? by DeezCrazyMan in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 285 points286 points  (0 children)

"I am a chiropractor -
And if you hear a crack -
You're just as fucking shocked as me,"
He said.

"No money back."

What are some really dangerous things most people dont realise are dangerous? by DeezCrazyMan in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1745 points1746 points  (0 children)

When Little Timmy rode the road,
He said, "I think it's fine -
To drive as though it's road I'm owed,
As if the road is mine!

"And if I choose to drive behind
A person going 'slow' -
Then to my simple, addled mind,
It's right behind I go!

"Perhaps I'll speed them up," he said,
With open hope and pride -
So Timmy chose the car ahead.

And Timmy fucking died.

What part of sex do you enjoy the least? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1719 points1720 points  (0 children)

"The hardest part," he softly said,
"Is not the cleaning up the bed -
It's not the foreplay, nor the act,
And not the form it takes, in fact.

"The hardest things,
the parts that vex
Are not the strain and not the sex,
But finding someone down to bone."

He whispered to himself.

Alone.

In your opinion , what non politician would make the best US president? by Historical_Fan5863 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1118 points1119 points  (0 children)

a thin capybara would be a far better president, seeing that it has all the wisdom capybarakind has to offer...

The capybara read the news.

It formed its capybara views.

It shook its capybara head.

"... I'd do a better job," it said.

What's the wildest dream you're ever had? by No-Weather-9607 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 544 points545 points  (0 children)

... only to wake up, and eventually realized that I am already graduated and have a job.

I woke and turned to where she lay,
And cried, alarmed, "today's the day!
I've missed the class!" she heard me shout -
"They'll cast me off!
They'll kick me out!

"My number's up!
My paper's due!
Won't someone tell me what to do?!"
She shook her head and whispered: "Bob -

You're thirty-three.

You've got a job."

A person working 40 hours a week at min wage should be able to afford a one bedroom apartment and at least one vacation a year. Do you agree, why or why not ? by Lovingnature412 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 310 points311 points  (0 children)

Sad isn’t it? Sadder still that those things are unattainable for some people.

He scratched his head:
"You mean to say,
I'll have to work all night and day,
For days and weeks and year on year,
From dawn till dusk devoid of cheer,
Condemned to live for work alone?
To work to fund a car and phone?
To work and work and work?" he spoke -

"And after that...

... I'll still be broke?"

How do you let your girlfriend know her vaginal area has an odor that might require additional maintenance without embarrassing her? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 16.3k points16.3k points 2& 6 more (0 children)

"How are you, my darling?
What's happening, dear?
I hate to be rude, but I must interfere:
My sweetheart, my angel, my baby, my beau -
There's something important I need you to know:

"You're rotten.
You're rancid.
You're rank and you reek.
Your under's a blunder, you foul-odoured freak.
You're filthy.
You're fetid,
you have to admit.

Go jump in a shower.

You smell like a shit."

How do you tell your gf she has a mustache? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1997 points1998 points  (0 children)

"How wonderful," she softly said -
"That I can see my face ahead!"
But sadly something seemed amiss.

She whispered:

"... what the fuck is this?"

How do you tell your gf she has a mustache? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1511 points1512 points  (0 children)

Set aside some time together and take her somewhere she really likes, then gently don’t.

They looked at the stars and the moon up above,
And sat in the glow of the firelight in love.
They watched as the embers all dwindled to ash.

"Oh darling," he whispered -

"... you don't have a 'tache."

Americans, what do Eurpoeans have everyday that you see as a luxury? by Specialist-Metal-458 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 10.6k points10.6k points  (0 children)

We just don't give a shit if customers want us they will have to wait like everyone else.

"But what will I do if I don't have it now?!
I need you to do it, so do it somehow!
I can't live without it!
You can't leave me stuck!"

He told her, politely:

"... I don't give a fuck."

Americans, what do Eurpoeans have everyday that you see as a luxury? by Specialist-Metal-458 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 359 points360 points  (0 children)

It's honestly such an underrated part of living in the EU, being able to freely travel to about 25 or so different countries with minimum hassle at the drop of a hat.

We could go to Spain,
or we could go to France -
We could go to Finland,
if given the chance -
We could go to Wales,
or to Greece,
but we don't.

We could take a trip...

but we definitely won't.

What fetish do you just don’t understand and why? by Apprehensive_Cat762 in AskReddit

[–]Poem_for_your_sprog 1008 points1009 points  (0 children)

"Come look up my alley," he said with delight -
"I'm ready and waiting for bowling tonight!
The gutters are open so come take your shot!"

He took the position.

"... and strike while it's hot."

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