"Now, I've been shot over more times than Sarajevo, but the sight of his womb ferret made my beige slime seep like a slug in a salt mine. He munched on my vertical smile, even though I'd had the painters in for the best part of a week. Within no time, I could feel the shitty ectoplasm leaching from my shit winker and all over my beef curtains. After having my calamari cockring hammered, he then proceeded to pound my fart valve. He launched a giant sewer trout on my superdroopers just so he could consume it up like a bulldog eating porridge."

I am on a train reading this and laughing so hard that people are starting to stare.